[stylist] Need feedback. Do you find yourself absorbed in this?

[James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR]

Dear friend Judith,
tonight, after 27 tricker-treaters, I had time to really read this!

wow, I have many comments for you on this very good writing.

most of us can identify with being the "odd man 
out," the outcast, the one the popular kids pointed at and mocked.
I like this very much and it certainly does have a hook!
the flow of the story was very good too.

I especially enjoyed the father's (Rabbi 
Goldburg) love demonstrated instead of being labeled!
I wished for a little more depth in Pessi's 
character.  the angry withdrawal, you've got that 
down really well, A+ for that Judith!  in 
protestant christian terms, I'd like to see her 
sin just a little to show us her weaknesses 
too.  don't get me wrong, I like her character very very much.

I like the fact in the story that Chavy and Pessi 
discover late in the story that their fathers 
were schoolmates and good friends going way 
back.  that their brothers have been talking to 
each other about their sisters.

you've drawn all these wonderfully Judith!  Wow.

of course a few places could use tightening 
up  some of the writing and in a couple places I 
had minor confusions as a reader.

Bassie visited Shayna Goldberg every week since 
the family moved to Jenna and they became good 
friends, but she knew the extent of her 
illness.  Last week she confided they were 
stopping treatment.  Everyone knew what that meant.
---who is Bassie?  is that Chavy's mother?

Good going Judith!
jc
Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS



At 12:03 PM 10/30/2009, you wrote:
>Here's a sample chapter from my novel, "The 
>Letter."  I need to know if the reader finds 
>themselves becoming absorbed in it.  Can you 
>identify a hook in it?  Thanks!  Judith
>
>CHAPTER Two
>
>
>
>The Same morning in Jenna, New York
>
>On this overcast morning Pessi quietly came up 
>behind two schoolmates after Sabbath 
>services.  She heard Miriam say to Ruthie, "Can 
>you believe she goes in public looking so 
>disgusting?  Her coat is a reject from a charity 
>sale.  Those shoes haven't been seen since the 
>Revolutionary War! Her hair is a nesting place 
>for rats with bad taste.  Nothing in the 
>coatroom stood out like the moth holes in her 
>coat!  Gross!  I hear she has a family, but no 
>one with any self-respect has claimed her.
>
>"Oh well, I have to get home.  Rabbi Goldberg is 
>speaking this afternoon.  Want to go?"
>
>Ruthy stopped laughing to answer her friend. 
>"Sure.  Everyone goes to hear Rabbi Goldberg."
>
>"Great.  I'll pick you up after lunch."
>
>Engrossed in their conversation Pessi didn't 
>think Ruthy and Miriam noticed her.  Pessi had 
>to smile at their creative comments.  She knew 
>very well how she looked, but circumstances did 
>this to a person.  Could girls like Ruthy and 
>Miriam ever understand there were more important 
>things in a girl's life than clothes and beauticians?
>
>Under the overcast November sky Chavy Levy 
>headed home from the synagogue her parents 
>attended for years.  The most popular girl in 
>her class, Chavy had only three problems.  She 
>had to lose 10 pounds, her older brother Yigal 
>had to be the most obnoxious person in the world 
>to live with, and she hated math.  She couldn't 
>figure out why she had to be in a class which 
>had nothing to do with her future.  She had no 
>idea what she would be doing after graduation, 
>but becoming a math teacher wasn't an 
>option!  Still, she had to pass or her parents 
>would have a fit.  While strolling along on this 
>Shabbos morning she admired her surroundings 
>where the men wore traditional hats and younger 
>boys donned skullcaps appropriate for 
>children.  Chavy tossed her shining brown hair 
>over her shoulder, and gave her attention to the 
>passers by. Women walked with husbands, children 
>or with friends. All wore clothing reflecting 
>the special day.  This afternoon Chavy and her 
>friends planned to go to the B'nos group or club 
>for girls which met every Shabbos afternoon to 
>hear Rabbi Goldberg, the most popular lecturer 
>in the series.  Chavy honestly believed her 
>class to be the greatest.  They all got along 
>while having a ball working together except for 
>Pessi Goldberg who didn't talk to anyone.
>
>At home her mother met her with the traditional 
>Sabbath greeting.  "Good Shabbos, Chavy."
>
>"Good Shabbos, Mommy.  What can I do to help?"
>
>"Can you finish this salad so I can get dressed?"
>
>After entering her house Pessi greeted her 
>mother who had remarked that morning, "Pessi, 
>you have to become involved with the girls at 
>school.  I know many of their mothers, and they are wonderful people."
>
>Pessi told her, "Some of them are probably very 
>nice and the rest are not my type.  I have the 
>right to be alone if this is the way I choose to live my life."
>
>Her mother rebuked, "It isn't normal for a 
>sixteen year old girl to exist only for homework 
>and her family.  You are a beautiful girl with a 
>lot to offer others.  You must make an effort to 
>make friends with the girls at school.  Now you 
>have to get to Shul.  Do you want to put your hair in a bun?"
>
>"Mommy, I've told you before my hair is too 
>thick for a bun.  One of these days I'll get it cut."
>
>"Pessi, all I'm asking you to do is try."
>
>"Good Shabbos, Mommy." She had put on her ugly 
>coat and headed for her father's synagogue.  She 
>would ignore her mother's prodding.  She 
>preferred being alone and running her life her way.
>
>Mrs. Levy returned to the kitchen where her 
>daughter stood finishing the salad.  A few 
>minutes later   the family sat down to their Shabbos meal.
>
>The legendary arguments between Chavy and her 
>brother Yigal started almost immediately.  "Chavy, where's the grape juice?"
>
>"On the door in the fridge."
>
>"Why isn't it on the table?  You know I can't 
>start my meal without it."  Yigal needed the 
>drink to say the required prayer over wine or 
>grape juice before his Shabbos meal.
>
>"Go and get it.  The bottle isn't heavy."
>
>Their father boomed, "I've had enough from the 
>two of you!  You can both bring the juice to the 
>table."  They glanced at each other before 
>getting up.  The Rabbi continued, "When you get 
>back I don't want either of you saying a 
>word.  Obviously you're not mature enough to talk decently to anyone."
>
>Done straightening up after the meal Chavy and 
>Chumy got ready for B'nos.  Yigal told his 
>sister, "You better be home for sudat 
>shlishit.  You're the only one who can prepare 
>the third Sabbath meal so well."
>
>"It would serve you right if I couldn't be here. 
>Then you'll be forced to make it yourself!"
>
>"I can't even compliment you without some smart 
>answer.  O.K.  Don't come home to make your 
>horrid food.  We'll live longer without it!"
>
>"All right, Yigal.  I won't be here.  I'm sure I 
>can find a place where they'll take me in."
>
>"Don't bet on it, Chavy.  It obviously takes a 
>strong person like me to put up with you."
>
>At the door to the school Chavy heard two tenth 
>graders, Miriam and Ruthy, behind her.  Miriam 
>said, "Do you think the reject with the rat's 
>nest on her head wearing her home for displaced moths will show up?"
>
>Her equally cruel friend answered, "I don't 
>think she would have the nerve to socialize with 
>civilized society.  B'nos isn't a place for outcasts."
>
>Chavy's temper flared at the remarks of these 
>petty children.  She threw them a dirty 
>look.  "Don't you have anything else to talk 
>about?  What bothers you about a girl you don't 
>know?  Life contains a lot of hard 
>lessons.  Someday you're going to find that 
>out."  The two girls returned her dirty look 
>before going to hang up their coats.
>
>Chavy entered the school auditorium, already 
>half full for the Rabbi's lecture.  To her 
>surprise Pessi sat alone in the back.  She saw 
>the overgrown hair, ugly shoes, and sad 
>eyes.  Chavy wondered about this girl who 
>arrived at school just as the bell rang and 
>always left when the first dismissal bell 
>sounded without a word to anyone.  During lunch 
>she sat with her Psalm book saying nothing to 
>any of the girls.  Gossips like Miriam and Ruthy 
>entertained themselves with Pessi Goldberg 
>jokes, but most girls tried to get Pessi 
>involved with the mainstream student body.  When 
>it was obvious they failed, the feeling became pity.
>
>Now Chavy observed the brunt of jokes by the 
>narrow minds, and object of pity for most of the 
>girls feeling bewildered.  Well, the 
>bewilderment had to stop and once and for all 
>she had to make contact with this mysterious 
>girl.  She never remembered seeing Pessi before 
>on Shabbos.  The contrast between Pessi's 
>clothes and the others was glaring.  While most 
>girls wore nice Shabbos clothes, Pessi wore a 
>simple skirt and sweater appropriate for the 
>weekday.  Pessi sat there reading the same Psalm 
>book she read all week.  She knew the time had 
>come to jump over Pessi's self constructed barrier.
>
>With fortified convictions she approached her 
>classmate.  "Good Shabbos, Pessi.  How are you?"
>
>"Good Shabbos, Chavy.  I'm waiting for Rabbi 
>Goldberg.  I need some of the emotional support 
>he always gives."  Pessi returned to her book, 
>signaling the end of the conversation.    Chavy 
>never remembered Pessi communicating more than a cursory greeting until now.
>
>Determined to help her classmate Chavy said, 
>"Pessi, come sit with the class."
>
>Pessi raised her clear blue eyes.  "I have 
>nothing in common with those girls.  I'm fine 
>right here."  She lowered her eyes to her book, 
>again conveying the end of the conversation.
>
>Though an assertive girl who always managed to 
>control any situation she found herself in, 
>Chavy felt intimidated by Pessi who exhibited a 
>certain inner strength she couldn't 
>match.   Baffled, she sat down near the girl, 
>trying to think of what she could say to at 
>least entice her to join the group.  "Pessi, 
>you're a nice girl.  From the way you say 
>Tehillim, Psalms, you're also very 
>religious.  You have a lot in common with all of 
>us, but you don't talk to anyone."
>
>"My life is different. I have nothing in common 
>with any of you."  Pessi returned her attention to her book.
>
>Chavy stared at the girl absorbed in her Psalm 
>book.  Pessi could be very pretty if she had a 
>hair cut and wore nicer clothes.  Her eyes 
>seemed sad.  Witnessing the actions of an 
>obvious loner, Chavy wondered what lay under this façade.
>
>Both girls were sixteen, but Pessi had never 
>been to a school social event, a class birthday 
>party or some one else's house for Shabbos.
>
>She had to try one more time.  "Pessi, we want 
>to be your friend.  Please come sit with us."
>
>"Chavy, I don't have time to get involved with 
>the girls.  I'm here for the Rabbi's lecture, 
>and have to go after he's finished.  I can't stay for refreshments."
>
>"Pessi, all I'm asking you to do is sit with 
>us.  If you want I can go home with you 
>afterwards to help you.  I already told my 
>brother I'm not coming back to make Sudat 
>shlishit for him.  I don't feel like it.  How 
>about it?  Come sit with us, stay for 
>refreshments, and I'll go back to help you with whatever you have to do."
>
>In a soft voice she answered, "I don't want to impose."
>
>The well-rehearsed Chavy immediately shot back, 
>"I don't want to go back to my brothers 
>today.  I'll go home with you and call my father 
>after Shabbos to pick me up."
>
>Chavy was good.  Pessi felt herself giving 
>in.    She smiled for the first 
>time.         "All right, Chavy.  Let's go sit 
>with the others."  The two girls reached the 
>front of the auditorium just as Rabbi Goldberg 
>started towards the podium.  All the girls stood 
>respectfully until the Rabbi reached the lectern.
>
>The audience turned their undivided attention to 
>Rabbi Goldberg, but no one turned greater 
>concentration to the speaker than Pessi.
>
>Today the theme of the lecture encompassed the 
>difficult things confronted by people, and how 
>individuals should perceive challenging 
>situations.  The Rabbi hoped his message 
>wouldn't be transparent to his young audience.
>
>"If someone isn't well we perceive that as 
>unfortunate.  It is terrible to see someone 
>suffer with illness.  As Jewish people we're 
>told to say Psalms with the hope they 
>recover.  But what happens if they don't 
>recover?  What happens if we said our Tehillim, 
>and they pass away, Heaven forbid, 
>anyway?  Should we think our prayers weren't 
>answered?  No."  The Rabbi looked straight at 
>Pessi. "It has nothing to do with us.  Let me 
>try to bring it down to a more comprehensible level.
>
>"Let's say I bring to one of you high school 
>girls a blueprint from the best architect in the 
>country.  He has drawn plans for the biggest, 
>best building this country has ever seen.  You 
>are high school girls and, to the best of my 
>knowledge, none of you ever studied architecture."
>
>The girls giggled and he continued.  "So, I go 
>to your desk, put down the drawing and ask what 
>you think of it.  What are you supposed to 
>say?  You have no idea how to evaluate such 
>diagrams."  The girls sat mesmerized by the 
>Rabbi's words. "Why are the heating pipes over 
>there?  Why are there no windows on that 
>wall?  Considering the best architect in the 
>country drew the plan wouldn't it make sense he 
>knew what he was doing?  The architect knew how 
>different forces worked together to make the 
>building a viable one.  You see girls, you have 
>no right interpreting the architect's drawing or 
>expressing an opinion.  Only someone of equal 
>stature to the architect has that right.  If one 
>of his peers asks why the windows are where they 
>are after studying the plan he knows what he's 
>talking about, but you girls don't.  You don't 
>understand airflow or different infrastructures 
>such as plumbing, heating, and electric.  You 
>are in no position to judge the architect.
>
>"The Almighty is the architect of the 
>world.  Only He knows if something is good or 
>bad.  Because we are not on His level we cannot 
>objectively judge what He does.  As with the 
>blueprint, we can say the windows look better on 
>the left rather than the right, but the 
>architect knows about the airflow in the 
>building, and how the other infrastructures will 
>work together.  We don't know architecture or 
>understand the blueprint of the world.  But as 
>the customer trusts the architect, we trust the 
>Almighty because only He knows what is best."
>
>Pessi understood the Rabbi's words, and turned 
>closer attention to him with tears streaming 
>down her face.  Chavy wondered about her reaction.
>
>   "We can say we're saying Tehillim for the 
> sick and, Heaven forbid, they pass 
> away.  Weren't our prayers good enough?  We 
> know they were, but what the Almighty knows is 
> good is not always what we think of as 
> acceptable.  In the end we don't even know how 
> to judge good as it pertains to individual 
> situations.  In short, girls, there are no 
> answers, but we can just do what we have 
> control over.  If someone is sick, and we say 
> Tehillim it is right.  Why?  Because it 
> certainly won't hurt, and we know it to be a 
> great help in any situation.  Is it a 
> guarantee?  Certainly not.  There aren't any 
> guarantees.  We have to place perfect faith in 
> the Almighty because He's our Father in heaven, 
> and well aware of the total plan for this 
> world.  We know our Father in heaven doesn't 
> intentionally hurt his children."
>
>Chavy noticed the Rabbi speaking directly to 
>Pessi who continued crying.  She wondered why 
>the other kids couldn't see the sparks flying 
>between the two.  Chavy didn't wonder why the 
>Rabbi addressed Pessi.  Evidently he knew the 
>family, and understood whatever haunted this 
>girl.  If only Chavy knew the problem perhaps 
>there would be something she could do.
>
>The Rabbi continued, "We know the Almighty wants 
>us to do everything with joy because He wants us 
>all to be happy as a father wants his children 
>to be happy.  Every day we all ask for many 
>different things from our Father in Heaven as we 
>try our best to please Him as a child tries to 
>please a father.  This is the reason our lives 
>are spent learning Torah or the Five Books of 
>Moses, and performing the Mitzvahs, religious 
>obligations, commanded us in this precious gift 
>He gave us.  Our responsibility is to show our 
>Father we love Him as we carry out His 
>commandments with our heartfelt joy.  Before I 
>leave I want each of you to take your Tehillim 
>book and say two Psalms for each of these people 
>who are not well.  Hopefully, our prayers will 
>be heard and these people will be granted a 
>speedy and complete recovery."  He read three 
>names using the Hebrew name of the person 
>followed by the Hebrew name of their 
>mother.  Pessi blinked back tears and opened the 
>book.  A short while later the Rabbi said, "Good 
>Shabbos, girls" indicating the end of the lecture.
>
>The girls headed for the lunchroom where a 
>beautiful dessert buffet awaited them. Standing 
>next to Chavy Pessi said, "I have a question for the Rabbi.  Be right back."
>
>Chavy found herself drawn to the dessert buffet, 
>envying all the calories she didn't need.  She 
>spotted fruit on the other table and reluctantly 
>took a plate of the colorful, but less fattening food.
>
>Chavy's friend Shayna came up to her with a 
>plate stacked with delectable goodies.  "Chavy, 
>are you the party pooper?  How can you eat fruit 
>with all this gorgeous stuff staring you in the face?"
>
>"Shayna, when most of your clothes don't fit, we 
>can open a second-hand store.  Until then you 
>can eat your calories and I'll try to like this stuff."
>
>Shayna laughed, and returned to other friends.
>
>Chavy glanced at Pessi talking to Rabbi 
>Goldberg.  She must have had a simple 
>question.  She spent only a minute with the Rabbi before returning to Chavy.
>
>Pessi picked up a pastry.  "These pastries are great!"
>
>"You're so skinny you could probably eat the 
>whole table and never show it.  I have weight to 
>lose so I stick to fruit.  Have some, it's good."
>
>Pessi laughed, reaching for another pastry.
>
>"Chavy, I have to go soon.  My mother isn't well."
>
>"No problem, I can eat only so much fruit."
>
>In one corner of the room Miriam and Ruthy stood 
>with a few of their friends never taking their 
>eyes off Pessi Goldberg talking to Chavy 
>Levy.  Chavy saw them and could only imagine the 
>venom they spewed.  She wanted to confront them, 
>but turned her attention back to Pessi.
>
>
>
>When they finished eating Pessi and Chavy headed for the coat room.
>
>Pessi wondered if she was making the right 
>move.  How come she decided to leave the school 
>with Chavy today?  Was she proving that despite 
>her strong resolve she needed 
>someone?  Absolutely not!  Probably by Monday 
>Chavy would be totally bored with her and both 
>of them would return to their own corner of the 
>world.  That would be all the proof she needed 
>to demonstrate that she didn't need anyone else in her life.
>
>Pessi lived some distance from the school.  On 
>the streets they traveled Chavy didn't see any 
>of the sights she associated with Shabbos afternoon in her neighborhood.
>
>Pessi clung to her pride, still not completely 
>sure about letting another girl into her 
>life.  Pessi glanced at Chavy's beautiful gray 
>wool coat with black velvet collar and 
>cuffs.  She remembered how it felt to be wearing 
>such a fine garment, but that was in the past.
>
>Chavy felt Pessi's discomfort.  She tried 
>chatting about school activities, upcoming tests 
>and the weather.  Pessi wanted to discuss classes and course work.
>
>Chavy envied the ease with which she discussed 
>topics such as math and chemistry.  She still 
>believed Trigonometry to be an obscure planet, 
>but in her soft voice Pessi discussed it with 
>the ease Chavy spoke of her favorite foods.
>
>Fifteen minutes later they reached Pessi's 
>house.  Like others in the neighborhood the 
>small, run-down structure appeared as if it had 
>seen better days.  Chavy didn't care.  Over the 
>years she had been friends with girls from the 
>biggest and best homes and others from houses 
>like this.  She didn't choose her friends according to their zip codes.
>
>The two girls entered Pessi's dingy 
>foyer.     Immediately a little boy ran to her 
>exclaiming, "Good Shabbos, Pessi!"
>
>Pessi picked up the child and kissed him. 
>"Moshe, did you take care of Mommy?"
>
>The little boy's expression turned serious. "Mommy read me a book."
>
>"I'm sure she enjoyed reading to you.  Let's go see her."
>
>On the sofa in the dining room lay Pessi's 
>mother, a gaunt and obviously very ill 
>woman.  Pessi gave her mother a kiss before 
>stooping to pick up her blanket on the floor. 
>She lovingly spread it over her.  "Good Shabbos, 
>Mommy.  This is Chavy Levy from school.  Tatty 
>said she could come home with me."
>
>   Seeing Pessi with a friend made Shayna 
> Goldberg's spirits soar.  "It's a pleasure to meet you, Chavy.  How are you?"
>
>Chavy hoped her shock didn't show.  The Rabbi 
>was Pessi's father?    She recovered her 
>composure and answered, "I'm fine, Mrs. Goldberg.  It's so nice to meet you."
>
>"How did Tatty's lecture go, Pessi?"
>
>A bell rang in Chavy's mind.  Whatever was in 
>the Rabbi's speech today had been planned to 
>address an issue in his daughter's life.  Gazing 
>at the emaciated woman on the couch Chavy began to understand the message.
>
>Pessi's eyes darted from her mother to 
>Chavy.  "Chavy didn't know my father is Rabbi 
>Goldberg.  I never told anyone.  The lecture was 
>one of the best he ever gave."
>
>"Why did you keep your father's relationship to you a secret?"
>
>"I feel better being a private person."
>
>"Even though people know who your father is, you 
>can still be a private person.  Could you please 
>set out sudat shlishit before Tatty gets home?"
>
>Pessi chose to ignore her mother's latest 
>prelude to a fight.  "Sure.  I'll do it now."
>
>After arriving home Rabbi Goldberg greeted their 
>guest before turning to his wife. "Shayna, can I help you to the table?"
>
>"I would like that, thank you."
>
>The Rabbi supported his wife the short distance 
>from the sofa to the table.  He then said, "Everybody can go and wash."
>
>Moshe brought a bowl and cup of water for his 
>mother to ritually wash her hands.  Mrs. 
>Goldberg was too weak to wash at the sink with everyone else.
>
>In the tiny kitchen with doors falling off the 
>cabinets Chavy asked Pessi, "Can you come to my 
>house after Shabbos if I help you clean up?  My father can pick us up."
>
>"I'll ask."  Back at the table the Rabbi said 
>the blessing on the bread.  They all took a bite 
>from their roll and Pessi asked, "Tatty, Chavy 
>wants to know if I can go to her house after Shabbos.  Can I?"
>
>Mrs. Goldberg immediately answered, "Go, 
>dear.  It's good for you to get out." Chavy 
>noticed how quickly the frail woman, barely nibbling on her roll, responded.
>
>Rabbi Goldberg added, "You can go if you have a ride home."
>
>"I'll ask my father, but it shouldn't be a problem."
>
>"In that case I give my permission.  Have a good time."
>
>Two teenage boys entered the house.  Pessi said, "Those are my brothers."
>
>Chavy glanced at the boys who were headed for 
>the kitchen to wash in preparation for their meal.
>
>  Avi Goldberg heard his father say, "Chavy, 
> your father and I are very close friends.  I 
> know Rabbi Levy for many years.  How is he?"
>
>"He's doing well."
>
>"Please give him my regards."
>
>Avi Goldberg stifled his own laughter.  So Yigal 
>Levy's sister was Pessi's new friend.  Why did 
>Pessi pick up such a pain in the neck girl?  He 
>heard all the complaints from his best friend, Yigal, about his sister.
>
>After a brief talk by the Rabbi on the week's 
>Torah reading Chavy quietly said to Pessi, "I 
>didn't know Rabbi Goldberg is your father.  Why did you keep it a secret?"
>
>Pessi thought about the giant plunge she had 
>taken, wondering if she should share anything 
>more about her life.  Seeing the sincere 
>expression in Chavy's eyes she decided to 
>confide more.  "Goldberg is a common name so 
>nobody drew the conclusion we're even 
>related.  I've heard the nasty comments from 
>some of the girls about me and am fully aware of 
>the fact that my being related to the Rabbi 
>would mean little to them.  No one knows except 
>you now.  I'm happy being anonymous."
>
>The two girls said the blessing after the meal 
>before going into the dinette.
>
>Pessi started in a low voice.  "My mother has 
>cancer.  She's getting chemo once a week, but 
>her reports aren't good.  We moved to Jenna ten 
>months ago to be closer to better hospitals.  My 
>father used to have a big congregation and good 
>job, but since moving here he hasn't been 
>successful.  I wear weekday clothes on the 
>Sabbath because my last Shabbos outfit doesn't fit.
>
>"I didn't want to get close to the girls at 
>school.  After taking one look at me they didn't 
>want that either.  I desperately need a 
>haircut.  Brushing the animal nest on my head 
>everyday after my shower doesn't make me look 
>normal.  I overhear some of the girls gossiping 
>about me and the way I look so have just worked 
>harder to prove I don't need anyone."
>
>Chavy listened to Pessi with sympathy.
>
>"I'm so nervous about my mother that all I do is 
>go to school, keep up this house, help my mother 
>and family, and pray.  My father gave the speech 
>today for me.  I love my mother and can't face 
>what is happening.  I keep thinking if I do more 
>for her she'll get better, but my father claims it is out of my hands."
>
>Chavy never met another sixteen-year- old 
>confronting so many challenges.  How did she do it?
>
>"You're the first girl I brought home from 
>school since moving to Jenna.  My parents always 
>say they want me to have friends, but I'm 
>ashamed of our situation.  I prefer being alone 
>with my problems rather than being the object of 
>pity or ridicule.  This issue has been a source 
>of conflict between my mother and me."
>
>"Pessi, if you hung up a few curtains with some 
>pictures this place wouldn't be half bad."
>
>"We can't afford curtains, and don't have any 
>pictures.  We had paintings where we lived 
>before, but Tatty sold them for Mommy's medical 
>care.  The drapes in the old house were custom made so we left them."
>
>"My mother has a closet full of curtains.  Every 
>time she sees a curtain sale she replaces 
>ours.  Also, I have some clothes I got too fat 
>for.  I'll show them to you later.  Don't be 
>ashamed.  None of us lives in a palace.
>
>"Also, there is Chesed at school.  As you know 
>this group does community service.  They can 
>come and help you out a few times a week.  I 
>know the girl in charge of it. I'll discuss it with her tomorrow."
>
>"Don't talk to her, Chavy.  I'm ashamed.  My 
>beautiful mother is so sick and looks terrible."
>
>"Don't be ashamed.  There's nothing wrong with 
>you. When your mother recovers she'll look better."
>
>Pessi started crying, arousing Chavy's 
>concern.  "Pessi, I didn't mean to upset you."
>
>"The doctors say now Mommy won't get any 
>better.  They want to stop her therapy."
>
>Chavy put an arm around the shoulders of the 
>sobbing girl.  From what little she understood 
>about cancer she knew that when a doctor said a 
>person wouldn't get any better and stopped the 
>treatment it didn't mean they expected good news.
>
>"We all know it's the end.  My mother is happy 
>you came over today.  She's been telling me for 
>a long time I need to find friends.  I tried to 
>ignore it because I have too much to do and 
>don't want anyone to know how poor we are."
>
>"Don't worry about what the others 
>think.  Tonight we're going to raid my mother's 
>curtain closet.  Do you have any family pictures?"
>
>"Sure.  We used to take pictures all the time."
>
>"Great.  Tonight we're going hunting. Tomorrow 
>after school we go to work."  They smiled at 
>each other.  Pessi had a friend for the first time in ages.
>
>Pessi had to admit having a confidant to support 
>her through this crisis felt good.  Her parents 
>had been right.  In spite of her strong resolve 
>Pessi did need others to help her through this difficult time.
>
>Chavy called her father after they were done 
>cleaning up.  He agreed to pick them up and bring Pessi back later.
>
>Chavy went to Mrs. Goldberg on her sofa.  "Thank 
>you for a wonderful Shabbos, Mrs. Goldberg."
>
>"The pleasure is all ours, Chavy.  It's 
>wonderful to see Pessi with a girl her age.  My 
>little one, Suri, is at a friend's now, but 
>Pessi is a wonderful girl who stays with me to 
>do everything I should be doing around here.  I couldn't manage without her."
>
>"Mommy!  I told you I help you because I love 
>you.  Don't make it sound like I'm something 
>exceptional when I'm just doing what I want."
>
>Pessi turned and led the way to the foyer where 
>they waited for Rabbi Levy.
>
>Back at Chavy's Yigal stood in the kitchen with 
>a dishtowel over his arm.  He glared at his 
>sister.  "I'll get you for this, Chavy 
>Levy!  This is cruel and unusual punishment! 
>Mommy felt that since my mouth caused you to not 
>come right home I deserved this horrible 
>fate.  Our dear sister Chumy insisted I dry.  It 
>should be illegal to have little sisters!"
>
>"Yigal, when you find yourself a good wife I'll help you pack your bags."
>
>Pessi joined the laughter unable to remember the 
>last time she laughed from genuine happiness.
>
>Yigal turned to Chavy's friend.  "Is Avi Goldberg your brother?"
>
>Surprised, Pessi answered, "Yes.  Do you know him?"
>
>"Sure.  He's a great guy in my Yeshiva.  I tell 
>him about my pain in the neck sister, but he 
>says his sister is a doll.  Can you teach my sister to be a doll?"
>
>"My brothers look at me as a doll because we 
>treat each other with respect.  Respect works two ways."
>
>"Yigal, after you learn from the Goldberg boys 
>how to treat a good sister perhaps Pessi can 
>teach me a few things.  Until then, cut the complaining."
>
>Chumy said, "Back to work, Yigal.  Only a few 
>dishes to go."  After giving Chavy another dirty 
>look   Yigal returned to the kitchen.
>
>  Mrs. Levy came to greet Pessi.  Chavy asked, 
> "Mommy, you know all those curtains you have hanging in the closet?"
>
>"Yes, dear.  Why?"
>
>"Can we go through them to choose some for Pessi's house?"
>
>"Sure.  I'm sure Mrs. Goldberg will enjoy them."
>
>Bassie visited Shayna Goldberg every week since 
>the family moved to Jenna and they became good 
>friends, but she knew the extent of her 
>illness.  Last week she confided they were 
>stopping treatment.  Everyone knew what that meant.
>
>Downstairs the girls started going through the 
>closet.  In time they came back upstairs with 
>curtains and a few paintings.  Mrs. Levy 
>approved everything before the two headed upstairs to Chavy's room.
>
>Chavy smiled at Pessi.  "You're a very pretty 
>girl.  All you need is a good haircut.  I cut 
>Chumy's and some of my friend's hair all the 
>time.  I enjoy doing it and they always come out 
>of my bathroom looking great.  Can I do yours?"
>
>"If it's not too much trouble I'd love it.  I 
>can't remember the last time I had a good haircut."
>
>In the upstairs bathroom Chavy shampooed Pessi's 
>thick, luxurious black hair.  She took her 
>scissors and began working her magic.  Once done 
>she stood behind Pessi admiring the image in the 
>mirror.  "Pessi, you have the darkest, thickest 
>hair I ever saw.  You'll be the envy of every girl in the school."
>
>"When my hair is properly cut it's my best feature."
>
>"It isn't your best feature.  Those beautiful 
>blue eyes with your dark hair are an unbeatable match."
>
>Pessi again admired her reflection in the 
>mirror.  "This feels great!  I don't know how to thank you."
>
>  "Forget the thanks.  This is my pleasure."
>
>In the bedroom Chavy took two outfits which no 
>longer fit from her closet.  "Here are two good 
>Shabbos outfits.  If they fit they're 
>yours.  Here's a pair of black shoes I 
>outgrew.  They're in perfect condition.  Want to try them on?"
>
>Pessi gazed at the lovely clothing.  Her jaw 
>settled into the same stubborn line Chavy 
>witnessed earlier. "Chavy, I can't accept this!"
>
>"Consider it logical closet cleaning.  If I 
>hadn't eaten myself into the next size up I'd 
>have nothing to offer you.  Do me a favor, try them on."
>
>Pessi thought about her pride in never accepting 
>charity.  "I feel strange accepting these 
>beautiful things.  I never took charity before."
>
>"This isn't charity.  Keeping these clothes in 
>the closet hurts me every time I open the door 
>to get my uniform.  I don't want to keep pushing 
>the hangers that represent the way I used to be."
>
>Pessi took a long while to make up her 
>mind.  How much could she change in one 
>day?  Eventually she decided this didn't 
>represent charity, but logic.    She took off 
>her sweater and pulled on the top to a black and 
>white outfit that matched the pretty black 
>pumps.  The shoes fit perfectly.  Seeing her 
>reflection in the mirror she couldn't believe 
>the difference.  She hadn't looked this good in 
>ages.  She tried on the other gray and pink wool 
>outfit which also transformed her into a fashionable young woman.
>
>Chavy sighed.  "I wish I could be as skinny as you."
>
>"Don't be silly, Chavy.  You look fine the way you are!"
>
>  "That's very nice of you, but I can read a 
> scale.  For now all I can do is find good 
> friends to take my beautiful clothes off my hands."
>
>Pessi sat on one of the beds observing Chavy's 
>attractive room with white walls and pretty blue 
>plush carpet.  Pictures of Chavy and Chumy 
>growing up hung around the room.  She turned 
>back to Chavy.  "At first I believed that by 
>Monday morning you would have gotten sick of me 
>and my problems, and we would have both crept 
>back into our own lives.  But I was wrong.  I 
>know you aren't turned off at our run-down house 
>or my beautiful mother who looks awful now.  I 
>knew from the beginning you didn't take a look 
>at my inappropriate clothes and figure they told my whole story.
>
>"I'm familiar with most of the girls.  Tatty 
>learns the holy books with many of their 
>fathers. A lot of their mothers visit mine.
>
>"If I didn't have to go straight home after 
>school, I might be willing to make friends with 
>the girls.  My mother has been trying to get me 
>to do that.  We argue about it constantly. I 
>have the right to run my own life, but she feels 
>that I'm too much of a loner.   I love her, but 
>this is one topic we don't agree on.  I'm just 
>more comfortable being a hermit."
>
>  "Are you really comfortable like that?"
>
>"I don't know right now.  Let's see how it 
>goes.  I can be social with the other girls at 
>school, but our relationships will end at the school door."
>
>Chavy ignored her last statement.  "I want to 
>get Chesed to go to help you in the house.  You 
>need and deserve it.  I'll just say one of your 
>parents isn't well so the responsibility for 
>everything is on your shoulders."
>
>"In spite of our poverty, I'm a proud person and 
>never took such generous charity."
>
>"It's not charity.  Chesed girls go out to help 
>people all week long.  When getting help from 
>our community service group no one has to 
>divulge any private information about 
>themselves.  They say they need the help for one 
>reason or another and we send them girls."
>
>Pessi remained quiet for a long time.  Chavy 
>started to think she was going to refuse her suggestion.
>
>"I could use the help.  Thank you."  For the 
>first time in five years Pessi admitted needing 
>anyone.  It shocked her to realize this big step felt mighty good.
>
>"Tomorrow in school I'll try to be more a part 
>of the class.  I'll say my Tehillim, but will 
>also try to talk to the other girls."
>
>"For the fall holidays we attended your father's 
>Synagogue.  My mother mentioned our fathers were 
>classmates in Yeshiva.  Did you know that?"
>
>"I know that our fathers know each other, but he 
>never told me their relationship dated back to their days in school."
>
>Mrs. Levy knocked on the door.  "Girls, it's 
>late.  Tatty can take Pessi home now."
>
>"I'll go with you, Pessi."  Chavy helped Pessi take everything out to the car.
>
>At home Pessi's mother lay on her couch and her 
>father was studying the Holy books in his 
>office.  When she entered the room Mrs. Goldberg 
>stared at her in surprise.  "Pessi, you're 
>beautiful! You haven't looked this good in years.  Who cut your hair?"
>
>"Chavy did it.  She cuts her sister Chumy's hair 
>all the time.  How do you like it?" She turned 
>around to give her mother the full effect.
>
>"I love it.  You must keep it up.  You have such beautiful hair."
>
>Her mother's eyes fell on the bags she carried.  "What do you have there?"
>
>"Mrs. Levy buys curtains every time she sees a 
>sale so has lots of them in the basement.  She 
>gave me some to try to make this place look 
>better.  Chavy also gave me a few paintings to spruce it up."
>
>Shayna sighed.  She hadn't done anything for her 
>home in a long time.  "I'll get Avi and Yitzy to 
>hang up rods and picture hooks tomorrow.  What else do you have?"
>
>"Chavy gained some weight so doesn't fit into a 
>few of her outfits.  There's also a pair of 
>shoes she outgrew.  I think they're real nice.  Look."
>
>Mrs. Goldberg admired the clothes and shoes. 
>"They're all beautiful, Pessi.  You'll look 
>gorgeous.  Wear everything well, dear."  Pessi kissed her mother good night.
>
>Pessi headed to her room leaving Mrs. Goldberg 
>stifling her smile until Pessi climbed the 
>stairs.  Would Pessi use her friendship with 
>Chavy to become involved with other 
>girls?  Could Pessi finally realize that she was 
>indeed a beautiful, intelligent and fun 
>girl?  She knew Pessi had withdrawn from the 
>world of other girls because of their poverty 
>and her illness.  She would take her guilt to her grave.
>_______________________________________________
>Writers Division web site:
>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>
>stylist mailing list
>stylist at nfbnet.org
>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for stylist:
>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/n6yr%40sunflower.com