[stylist] theme flaw and premise
James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR
n6yr at sunflower.com
Wed Nov 4 20:29:07 UTC 2009
was my question too.
jc
Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS
At 02:20 PM 11/4/2009, you wrote:
>Forgive my ignorance, but what is allegory energy?
>Barbara
>
>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>
>--------------------------------------------------
>From: "The Crowd" <the_crowd at cox.net>
>Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2009 11:01 AM
>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>Subject: [stylist] theme flaw and premise
>
>>Hi guys, it's Atty, back on the list again.
>>
>>I'm taking a mystery writing class and one of the assignments is
>>write the theme, protag flaw and premise for a story, then share it
>>with a person or writing group to see if they have comments or
>>questions, so here it is....
>>
>>
>>
>>Theme: Reality is all perception.
>>
>>Flaw: She has a fairy-Tale out-look. Everything has to work out in the end.
>>
>>Premise:
>>What if a woman gifted with allegory energy finds herself in love
>>with a living nightmare trapped in her world and must find the
>>doorway in a wall of worlds to send him back home without his most
>>precious possession?
>>
>>Steve said we didn't have to actually answer the questions just
>>make sure we could answer them and if not adjust the premise. So if
>>anyone wants to comment, please feel free!
>>
>>Atty
>>
>>
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Tuesday, November 03, 2009 6:23 AM
>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>
>>
>>>Last night the Phillies look like the team that beat the best in
>>>the National League, but I do have to give you that the Yankees
>>>want the championship more.
>>>It's too bad they put divisions in place instead of just having
>>>east versus west. Of course, it might still be that the Yankees
>>>would be playing the Phillies, then again they might be playing my
>>>Dodgers. Now that would have been a more even World Series.
>>>And they get to win at home after all.
>>>Barbara
>>>
>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>
>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 3:36 PM
>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>
>>>>The object is to win. If they clinch in Philly at least they'll
>>>>have their parade in the city. Sorry, Barbara. The Yanks are just better.
>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 2:49 PM
>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>Unfortunately I have to give it to you. But I hope they win
>>>>>tonight so the fans don't have the thrill of winning at
>>>>>home. Put me out of my misery. I'm a National League fan.
>>>>>I must say, though, I used to hate it when WTBS would refer to
>>>>>the Braves as America's team. Truth be known, the Yankees
>>>>>are. You either love 'em or hate 'em.
>>>>>I just don't like Alex Rodriguez.
>>>>>Barbara
>>>>>
>>>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>>>
>>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 1:30 PM
>>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>
>>>>>>Barbara, The Yanks are 3 games up on Philly's 1 game. Let's go Yanks!
>>>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 12:15 PM
>>>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>So are you saying with your chapter headings that what happens
>>>>>>>in Chapter 1 is on the same day as what happens in chapter 2?
>>>>>>>Now if that's so, that makes me want to read the whole thing
>>>>>>>to know how these lives will intertwine and which characters
>>>>>>>will it be that meet.
>>>>>>>Barbara
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>>>>>Sent: Sunday, November 01, 2009 11:58 AM
>>>>>>>To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>>Subject: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Perhaps I should have started with chapter one. However, I
>>>>>>>>wanted to make sure the reader would be just as engrossed in
>>>>>>>>the second chapter as the first. Obviously these first two
>>>>>>>>chapters introduce the reader to the characters. Judith
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>CHAPTER ONE
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Curtis Cove, New York November 1977
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer's thoughts were a safe haven and the only place in
>>>>>>>>the world she could escape to for security. Usually while in
>>>>>>>>her hypnotic state she managed to be cognizant of the world
>>>>>>>>around her. But this Saturday morning she was so deep in
>>>>>>>>thought she managed to block out the sounds of people
>>>>>>>>talking, kids playing and horns honking. As she wandered
>>>>>>>>aimlessly down the street in the teenage uniform of jeans, a
>>>>>>>>sweater and navy ski jacket she thought about her inability
>>>>>>>>to love anyone. Suddenly horns blared, tires squealed and
>>>>>>>>sirens wailed. She lay on the street oblivious to the sounds
>>>>>>>>and horror engulfing her.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Randy, captain of her high school football team, happened to
>>>>>>>>be jogging down the street when the accident happened. He
>>>>>>>>ran to the scene and saw Jennifer lying in the street with a
>>>>>>>>policeman hovering over her. "Is she all right?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Don't know. Just called for an ambulance. Who is she?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Jennifer Rabinowitz. She lives a block from here."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Can you get her parents?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"She's an orphan. I'll get her Foster mother. Where are
>>>>>>>>they taking her?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Arthur Memorial Hospital. They have a good trauma
>>>>>>>>center. They'll need her guardian's signature."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer lay immobile, her long hair now covering her
>>>>>>>>face. Randy's inclination was to brush it aside, but he
>>>>>>>>couldn't get that close. With one last glance at Jennifer he
>>>>>>>>took off for the Hamilton house.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>When Sheila answered the door he blurted out the story.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Where is she?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"When I left the scene she was lying in the middle of the
>>>>>>>>street. The policeman said they're taking her to Arthur Memorial."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Sheila grabbed her coat screaming to her other foster
>>>>>>>>daughter, "Cindy, watch the kids. There's an emergency!"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>One of the technicians at the scene yelled, "Get the oxygen.
>>>>>>>>Respiratory distress!"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Unaware of the flurry of activity around her Jennifer floated
>>>>>>>>over her body ending up in a different place. A woman
>>>>>>>>approached her. "Jennifer, it's me, mommy. I want you to
>>>>>>>>know I love you. Your time is not up. Your life will get
>>>>>>>>better. Everything will be fine, dear. I love you."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer started following her mother.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Sheila and Randy ran into the emergency room shortly after
>>>>>>>>Jennifer had been brought in.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>The Waiting doctors began their examination immediately. One
>>>>>>>>doctor commanded, "Get me the defibrillator."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Oblivious to the furor around her Jennifer said, "Mommy, I
>>>>>>>> want to stay here. My life is awful. I can't love anyone."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"You need to continue. Your life will get better. Wonderful
>>>>>>>>people will prove to you that you can love and be loved. I
>>>>>>>>love you. Go back now."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>The medical staff brought the equipment necessary to
>>>>>>>>resuscitate Jennifer. The doctors applied the panels to
>>>>>>>>Jennifer's chest. A huge burst of energy started her heart
>>>>>>>>beating again. Jennifer took a deep, labored breath. In the
>>>>>>>>hospital room a cheer went up among the doctors and
>>>>>>>>nurses. As soon as Jennifer began breathing on her own she
>>>>>>>>was trundled at top speed to a CAT scan which showed the
>>>>>>>>medical team that neither her spine nor limbs were
>>>>>>>>broken. She didn't have any internal bleeding. Dr. Green
>>>>>>>>thought, "This is one lucky girl."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Randy and Sheila sat in the waiting room anxiously awaiting
>>>>>>>>word about Jennifer. Randy glanced at his watch. "I have to
>>>>>>>>call the coach to tell him I'm not playing this afternoon and
>>>>>>>>Jennifer's not cheering. Be right back."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Once Jennifer was put in a room Randy and Sheila kept vigil
>>>>>>>>beside her bed gazing bleakly at the oxygen, bottles of
>>>>>>>>fluid and monitor. Sheila thought, "This is a nightmare!"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Randy wondered if his friend would ever cheer for a football
>>>>>>>>game again. After her recovery would she still be the most
>>>>>>>>beautiful girl in the world? Once she was back to normal
>>>>>>>>would she continue to refuse his dates?
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>An alarm on the monitor went off bringing nurses and doctors
>>>>>>>>rushing into the room pushing the platform that held those
>>>>>>>>paddles. Ignoring the panic around her body Jennifer told her
>>>>>>>>mother, "Mommy, I don't want to go back. I'm different from
>>>>>>>>the other kids. They remind me all the time."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Don't worry about being different. Everything will be
>>>>>>>>fine. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. It's time to go back now."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"No, Mommy! Don't make me go!"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer slammed back into her body, aware again of the
>>>>>>>>pain. The doctor lifted the defibrillator, vastly
>>>>>>>>relieved. "Welcome back, Jennifer. Hang in there."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Randy leaned forward speaking to the girl in the bed. "Keep
>>>>>>>>fighting, Jennifer. We're all praying for you."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>They kept their vigil beside her bed. At one point Randy
>>>>>>>>said, "It looks like she's stabilized. I think I'd better
>>>>>>>>head over to the field. Be back right after the
>>>>>>>>game." Sheila continued praying that her favorite foster
>>>>>>>>child would be all right. Jennifer seemed to be going in and
>>>>>>>>out of consciousness. She would open her eyes briefly before
>>>>>>>>slipping back into either slumber or unconsciousness. Sheila
>>>>>>>>couldn't tell. She just kept watching, waiting and praying
>>>>>>>>while nurses and doctors entered the room to take Jennifer's
>>>>>>>>vitals and read the monitors.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>When Randy got back after the game Jennifer woke for more
>>>>>>>>than a few minutes. Sheila asked, "How do you feel, Jennifer?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Weak and sore. When are they going to take away this oxygen?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"I'll check. Can I get you something to eat?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"If it's not too much I would like a cheese sandwich."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Let me find out."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>After she left Randy said, "I played today. Everyone sends
>>>>>>>>their best wishes. I was so upset that I blew a touchdown pass. We lost."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer responded weakly, "I'm sorry, Randy. I know how
>>>>>>>>much that trophy means to you."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Carrying a sandwich and cup of juice Sheila appeared at her
>>>>>>>>bedside. "The nurse said the doctor will be in soon to see
>>>>>>>>about the oxygen. I brought you a sandwich."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Thanks, Sheila."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer started eating her sandwich and Sheila said, "I have
>>>>>>>>to get going. Cindy has plans for tonight and Ted has to
>>>>>>>>work. I'll send Ted up with your things. I'll be back
>>>>>>>>tomorrow morning." She kissed Jennifer and left.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>A minute later a doctor came in. "Good evening,
>>>>>>>>Jennifer. I'm Dr. Jackson. I'm covering Dr. Green's
>>>>>>>>patients tonight. Mrs. Hamilton asked the nurse about the
>>>>>>>>oxygen. I want to keep it going until tomorrow morning. Dr.
>>>>>>>>Green will evaluate you at that time. Is there anything else
>>>>>>>>I can do for you?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Can I take a shower?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"When the nurse comes in tomorrow she will help you with
>>>>>>>>that. Is everything else all right?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"I guess so. Thanks." He left the room.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Jennifer turned to Randy. "Thanks for everything, Randy. I
>>>>>>>>don't remember anything. Can you tell me about it?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Randy described the activities that morning. "A few times
>>>>>>>>your heart stopped beating. It was strange. You looked so
>>>>>>>>peaceful. Do you remember anything?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>She lied, "I don't remember a thing. I had no idea it was
>>>>>>>>that serious."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"How are you feeling now?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"I still feel weak and sore, but other than that fine."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Can I ask you a serious question?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Sure. But please forgive me if I'm not in the mood to answer it."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"What will it take for you to go out with me?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Randy, there's a lot going on in my head. I need time to
>>>>>>>>straighten it all out. Right now you are the best friend I
>>>>>>>>have in the world. Just keep on being my friend. That's the
>>>>>>>>best thing you can do for me."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"I know others give you a hard time about your last name. Is
>>>>>>>>that part of the problem you have to work out?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"That's a big part of it. I don't know who I am. You guys
>>>>>>>>know your parents, what they expect from you and people to
>>>>>>>>turn to when you need answers to important questions. I
>>>>>>>>haven't had that since I was two.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>I also have my career in clothing design to think about. I
>>>>>>>>guess right now that's my identity. But how can you create
>>>>>>>>an identity out of a spool of thread, a piece of cloth and
>>>>>>>>sewing notions? I need more than that. I need to explore
>>>>>>>>this Jewish thing. I guess my parents were Jewish. How else
>>>>>>>>would I end up with a name like Rabinowitz? Right now I
>>>>>>>>don't know where to begin my search."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"If there's anything I can do to help you just ask."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Randy, do I have all kinds of bruises on my face?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Randy smiled. "You look like the most beautiful girl in the
>>>>>>>>world who got into a fight and almost lost."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"I guess I didn't lose. When I get up my courage I'll look
>>>>>>>>in the mirror."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"You're looking tired. I'll be back tomorrow morning."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>"Good night, Randy. Thanks again."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>stylist mailing list
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>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>stylist mailing list
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>>>>>
>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>
>>>>>stylist mailing list
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>
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>>>
>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>
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>>
>>
>>_______________________________________________
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>>
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>
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