[stylist] allergory energy
The Crowd
the_crowd at cox.net
Thu Nov 5 19:18:43 UTC 2009
Well it is seeing things like an overlay that symbolize what is really
there. I made it up. Like an evil person might have black widows crawling
around in there hair or their clothes might be brightly colored reflecting
the mood of the person. Fiver, my protag has it.
Atty
----- Original Message -----
From: "James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2009 2:29 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] theme flaw and premise
> was my question too.
> jc
> Jim Canaday M.A.
> Lawrence, KS
>
> At 02:20 PM 11/4/2009, you wrote:
>>Forgive my ignorance, but what is allegory energy?
>>Barbara
>>
>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------
>>From: "The Crowd" <the_crowd at cox.net>
>>Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2009 11:01 AM
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Subject: [stylist] theme flaw and premise
>>
>>>Hi guys, it's Atty, back on the list again.
>>>
>>>I'm taking a mystery writing class and one of the assignments is write
>>>the theme, protag flaw and premise for a story, then share it with a
>>>person or writing group to see if they have comments or questions, so
>>>here it is....
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Theme: Reality is all perception.
>>>
>>>Flaw: She has a fairy-Tale out-look. Everything has to work out in the
>>>end.
>>>
>>>Premise:
>>>What if a woman gifted with allegory energy finds herself in love with a
>>>living nightmare trapped in her world and must find the doorway in a wall
>>>of worlds to send him back home without his most precious possession?
>>>
>>>Steve said we didn't have to actually answer the questions just make sure
>>>we could answer them and if not adjust the premise. So if anyone wants to
>>>comment, please feel free!
>>>
>>>Atty
>>>
>>>
>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>Sent: Tuesday, November 03, 2009 6:23 AM
>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>
>>>
>>>>Last night the Phillies look like the team that beat the best in the
>>>>National League, but I do have to give you that the Yankees want the
>>>>championship more.
>>>>It's too bad they put divisions in place instead of just having east
>>>>versus west. Of course, it might still be that the Yankees would be
>>>>playing the Phillies, then again they might be playing my Dodgers. Now
>>>>that would have been a more even World Series.
>>>>And they get to win at home after all.
>>>>Barbara
>>>>
>>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>>
>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 3:36 PM
>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>
>>>>>The object is to win. If they clinch in Philly at least they'll have
>>>>>their parade in the city. Sorry, Barbara. The Yanks are just better.
>>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 2:49 PM
>>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>Unfortunately I have to give it to you. But I hope they win tonight
>>>>>>so the fans don't have the thrill of winning at home. Put me out of
>>>>>>my misery. I'm a National League fan.
>>>>>>I must say, though, I used to hate it when WTBS would refer to the
>>>>>>Braves as America's team. Truth be known, the Yankees are. You
>>>>>>either love 'em or hate 'em.
>>>>>>I just don't like Alex Rodriguez.
>>>>>>Barbara
>>>>>>
>>>>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>>>>
>>>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 1:30 PM
>>>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Barbara, The Yanks are 3 games up on Philly's 1 game. Let's go
>>>>>>>Yanks!
>>>>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel"
>>>>>>><poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>>Sent: Monday, November 02, 2009 12:15 PM
>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>So are you saying with your chapter headings that what happens in
>>>>>>>>Chapter 1 is on the same day as what happens in chapter 2?
>>>>>>>>Now if that's so, that makes me want to read the whole thing to know
>>>>>>>>how these lives will intertwine and which characters will it be that
>>>>>>>>meet.
>>>>>>>>Barbara
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0! Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>>>>>>Sent: Sunday, November 01, 2009 11:58 AM
>>>>>>>>To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>>>Subject: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Perhaps I should have started with chapter one. However, I wanted
>>>>>>>>>to make sure the reader would be just as engrossed in the second
>>>>>>>>>chapter as the first. Obviously these first two chapters introduce
>>>>>>>>>the reader to the characters. Judith
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>CHAPTER ONE
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Curtis Cove, New York November 1977
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer's thoughts were a safe haven and the only place in the
>>>>>>>>>world she could escape to for security. Usually while in her
>>>>>>>>>hypnotic state she managed to be cognizant of the world around her.
>>>>>>>>>But this Saturday morning she was so deep in thought she managed to
>>>>>>>>>block out the sounds of people talking, kids playing and horns
>>>>>>>>>honking. As she wandered aimlessly down the street in the
>>>>>>>>>teenage uniform of jeans, a sweater and navy ski jacket she thought
>>>>>>>>>about her inability to love anyone. Suddenly horns blared, tires
>>>>>>>>>squealed and sirens wailed. She lay on the street oblivious to the
>>>>>>>>>sounds and horror engulfing her.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Randy, captain of her high school football team, happened to be
>>>>>>>>>jogging down the street when the accident happened. He ran to the
>>>>>>>>>scene and saw Jennifer lying in the street with a policeman
>>>>>>>>>hovering over her. "Is she all right?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Don't know. Just called for an ambulance. Who is she?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Jennifer Rabinowitz. She lives a block from here."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Can you get her parents?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"She's an orphan. I'll get her Foster mother. Where are they
>>>>>>>>>taking her?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Arthur Memorial Hospital. They have a good trauma center.
>>>>>>>>>They'll need her guardian's signature."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer lay immobile, her long hair now covering her face.
>>>>>>>>>Randy's inclination was to brush it aside, but he couldn't get that
>>>>>>>>>close. With one last glance at Jennifer he took off for the
>>>>>>>>>Hamilton house.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>When Sheila answered the door he blurted out the story.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Where is she?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"When I left the scene she was lying in the middle of the street.
>>>>>>>>>The policeman said they're taking her to Arthur Memorial."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Sheila grabbed her coat screaming to her other foster daughter,
>>>>>>>>>"Cindy, watch the kids. There's an emergency!"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>One of the technicians at the scene yelled, "Get the oxygen.
>>>>>>>>>Respiratory distress!"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Unaware of the flurry of activity around her Jennifer floated over
>>>>>>>>>her body ending up in a different place. A woman approached her.
>>>>>>>>>"Jennifer, it's me, mommy. I want you to know I love you. Your
>>>>>>>>>time is not up. Your life will get better. Everything will be
>>>>>>>>>fine, dear. I love you."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer started following her mother.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Sheila and Randy ran into the emergency room shortly after Jennifer
>>>>>>>>>had been brought in.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>The Waiting doctors began their examination immediately. One
>>>>>>>>>doctor commanded, "Get me the defibrillator."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Oblivious to the furor around her Jennifer said, "Mommy, I want
>>>>>>>>> to stay here. My life is awful. I can't love anyone."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"You need to continue. Your life will get better. Wonderful
>>>>>>>>>people will prove to you that you can love and be loved. I love
>>>>>>>>>you. Go back now."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>The medical staff brought the equipment necessary to resuscitate
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer. The doctors applied the panels to Jennifer's chest. A
>>>>>>>>>huge burst of energy started her heart beating again. Jennifer
>>>>>>>>>took a deep, labored breath. In the hospital room a cheer went up
>>>>>>>>>among the doctors and nurses. As soon as Jennifer began breathing
>>>>>>>>>on her own she was trundled at top speed to a CAT scan which showed
>>>>>>>>>the medical team that neither her spine nor limbs were broken. She
>>>>>>>>>didn't have any internal bleeding. Dr. Green thought, "This is one
>>>>>>>>>lucky girl."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Randy and Sheila sat in the waiting room anxiously awaiting word
>>>>>>>>>about Jennifer. Randy glanced at his watch. "I have to call the
>>>>>>>>>coach to tell him I'm not playing this afternoon and Jennifer's not
>>>>>>>>>cheering. Be right back."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Once Jennifer was put in a room Randy and Sheila kept vigil beside
>>>>>>>>>her bed gazing bleakly at the oxygen, bottles of fluid and
>>>>>>>>>monitor. Sheila thought, "This is a nightmare!"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Randy wondered if his friend would ever cheer for a football game
>>>>>>>>>again. After her recovery would she still be the most beautiful
>>>>>>>>>girl in the world? Once she was back to normal would she continue
>>>>>>>>>to refuse his dates?
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>An alarm on the monitor went off bringing nurses and doctors
>>>>>>>>>rushing into the room pushing the platform that held those paddles.
>>>>>>>>>Ignoring the panic around her body Jennifer told her mother,
>>>>>>>>>"Mommy, I don't want to go back. I'm different from the other
>>>>>>>>>kids. They remind me all the time."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Don't worry about being different. Everything will be fine. You
>>>>>>>>>have a beautiful life ahead of you. It's time to go back now."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"No, Mommy! Don't make me go!"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer slammed back into her body, aware again of the pain. The
>>>>>>>>>doctor lifted the defibrillator, vastly relieved. "Welcome back,
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer. Hang in there."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Randy leaned forward speaking to the girl in the bed. "Keep
>>>>>>>>>fighting, Jennifer. We're all praying for you."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>They kept their vigil beside her bed. At one point Randy said, "It
>>>>>>>>>looks like she's stabilized. I think I'd better head over to the
>>>>>>>>>field. Be back right after the game." Sheila continued praying
>>>>>>>>>that her favorite foster child would be all right. Jennifer seemed
>>>>>>>>>to be going in and out of consciousness. She would open her eyes
>>>>>>>>>briefly before slipping back into either slumber or
>>>>>>>>>unconsciousness. Sheila couldn't tell. She just kept watching,
>>>>>>>>>waiting and praying while nurses and doctors entered the room to
>>>>>>>>>take Jennifer's vitals and read the monitors.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>When Randy got back after the game Jennifer woke for more than a
>>>>>>>>>few minutes. Sheila asked, "How do you feel, Jennifer?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Weak and sore. When are they going to take away this oxygen?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"I'll check. Can I get you something to eat?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"If it's not too much I would like a cheese sandwich."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Let me find out."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>After she left Randy said, "I played today. Everyone sends their
>>>>>>>>>best wishes. I was so upset that I blew a touchdown pass. We
>>>>>>>>>lost."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer responded weakly, "I'm sorry, Randy. I know how much that
>>>>>>>>>trophy means to you."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Carrying a sandwich and cup of juice Sheila appeared at her
>>>>>>>>>bedside. "The nurse said the doctor will be in soon to see about
>>>>>>>>>the oxygen. I brought you a sandwich."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Thanks, Sheila."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer started eating her sandwich and Sheila said, "I have to
>>>>>>>>>get going. Cindy has plans for tonight and Ted has to work. I'll
>>>>>>>>>send Ted up with your things. I'll be back tomorrow morning." She
>>>>>>>>>kissed Jennifer and left.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>A minute later a doctor came in. "Good evening, Jennifer. I'm Dr.
>>>>>>>>>Jackson. I'm covering Dr. Green's patients tonight. Mrs. Hamilton
>>>>>>>>>asked the nurse about the oxygen. I want to keep it going until
>>>>>>>>>tomorrow morning. Dr. Green will evaluate you at that time. Is
>>>>>>>>>there anything else I can do for you?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Can I take a shower?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"When the nurse comes in tomorrow she will help you with that. Is
>>>>>>>>>everything else all right?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"I guess so. Thanks." He left the room.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Jennifer turned to Randy. "Thanks for everything, Randy. I don't
>>>>>>>>>remember anything. Can you tell me about it?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Randy described the activities that morning. "A few times your
>>>>>>>>>heart stopped beating. It was strange. You looked so peaceful.
>>>>>>>>>Do you remember anything?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>She lied, "I don't remember a thing. I had no idea it was that
>>>>>>>>>serious."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"How are you feeling now?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"I still feel weak and sore, but other than that fine."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Can I ask you a serious question?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Sure. But please forgive me if I'm not in the mood to answer it."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"What will it take for you to go out with me?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Randy, there's a lot going on in my head. I need time to
>>>>>>>>>straighten it all out. Right now you are the best friend I have in
>>>>>>>>>the world. Just keep on being my friend. That's the best thing you
>>>>>>>>>can do for me."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"I know others give you a hard time about your last name. Is that
>>>>>>>>>part of the problem you have to work out?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"That's a big part of it. I don't know who I am. You guys know
>>>>>>>>>your parents, what they expect from you and people to turn to when
>>>>>>>>>you need answers to important questions. I haven't had that since
>>>>>>>>>I was two.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>I also have my career in clothing design to think about. I guess
>>>>>>>>>right now that's my identity. But how can you create an identity
>>>>>>>>>out of a spool of thread, a piece of cloth and sewing notions? I
>>>>>>>>>need more than that. I need to explore this Jewish thing. I guess
>>>>>>>>>my parents were Jewish. How else would I end up with a name like
>>>>>>>>>Rabinowitz? Right now I don't know where to begin my search."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"If there's anything I can do to help you just ask."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Randy, do I have all kinds of bruises on my face?"
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Randy smiled. "You look like the most beautiful girl in the world
>>>>>>>>>who got into a fight and almost lost."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"I guess I didn't lose. When I get up my courage I'll look in the
>>>>>>>>>mirror."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"You're looking tired. I'll be back tomorrow morning."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"Good night, Randy. Thanks again."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>>>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
>>>>>>>>>for stylist:
>>>>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn.com
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
>>>>>>>>for stylist:
>>>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/jbron%40optonline.net
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>>>stylist:
>>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn.com
>>>>>>
>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>>stylist:
>>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/jbron%40optonline.net
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>
>>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>stylist:
>>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn.com
>>>>
>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>
>>>>stylist mailing list
>>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>stylist:
>>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/the_crowd%40cox.net
>>>
>>>
>>>_______________________________________________
>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>
>>>stylist mailing list
>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>stylist:
>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn.com
>>
>>_______________________________________________
>>Writers Division web site:
>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>
>>stylist mailing list
>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>stylist:
>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/n6yr%40sunflower.com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site:
> http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> stylist:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/the_crowd%40cox.net
>
More information about the Stylist
mailing list