[stylist] Trials of an honorary Dragon. chapter 24 (new chapter)-comments

Fri Oct 23 21:10:51 UTC 2009

Helene,
rimed is not a word, rimmed is a word.

history I used to describe your several and 
extensive explanations of what preceded the 
story, what the history of the dragons and the peoples is.

my comment about the crutch is this: from the 
text I'm assuming your character is reaching out 
to touch landmarks with the crutch hand, an 
assumption.  but if that arm is occupied with a 
crutch the reach of that hand will be somewhat limited.  that's all.
you're welcome.
jc
Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS

At 12:24 PM 10/23/2009, you wrote:
>Hi Jim,
>Thanks for your feedback.
>Do you mean rimmed as in 'the metal rimed litter bin' as I can't fidn
>the word rimming. I meant the edge of the litter bin.
>
>What do you mean by the history exactly?
>
>When I walk with my long cane I have to check for landmarks  very
>frequently or I get lost. I'd imagine a hearing blind person has sound
>to go by but I'm profoundly deaf and in most lighting conditions blind
>too.
>Although I've never needed a crutch but I do know someone who is
>deafblind and uses a crutch too. The crutch is only temporary for Liza
>as in a previous chapter she was attacked by a dragon and then the
>owner attacked her too. But that happened a few months ago. Maybe she
>won't need th crutch any more.
>
>Helene
>
>On 23/10/2009, James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR <n6yr at sunflower.com> wrote:
> > Helene,
> > I've not been able to follow all the changes and
> > chapters but I read this one.  meet the blind
> > month has been extremely busy around here!
> >
> > here's a few comments on this chapter:
> > Ever so often I would reach out
> >
> > "ever so often" has the sense of very frequent,
> > like maybe  the character reached out on
> > alternate steps or nearly every step, that
> > frequent.  "ever so" is a great phrase for
> > emphasis and I must remember to use it ever so  much more often.
> >
> > "every now and then" or just "now and then" has
> > the sense of an  infrequent, irregular pattern.
> > she's walking with cane in one hand, and crutch
> > under the other arm.  do you mean the crutch hand
> > is what she reaches out with?
> >
> > in three or four places the explanations or
> > history of the peoples and why they do things got
> > a little tedious and I wished for a little less of that.
> > "riming" I think you mean a different word there.
> > jc
> > Jim Canaday M.A.
> > Lawrence, KS
> >
> > At 07:32 PM 10/22/2009, you wrote:
> >>Chapter 24
> >>Painful passages by Liza Bronze
> >>
> >>I woke up on a hard wooden surface.  My body felt stiff and painful.
> >>It was completely dark.  I could tell from the cold and feel of the
> >>wind on my face that I was outdoors somewhere.
> >>I touched the wooden surface to find I had been sleeping on a bench.
> >>It seemed familiar from somewhere so I reached out a hand to the left
> >>to touch a metal rimed litter bin.  There was grass to the left, Grass
> >>to the right, and in front was a sandy slope going down.
> >>I knew where I was then.  I was at Stilosarka central park.  As if to
> >>confirm this I heard a noise, which I guessed to be the sound of
> >>ducks.  I often came here to feed the birds.  I must have drifted off
> >>to sleep on my way to meeting up with Nadia.
> >>At the thought of Nadia, I had a horrible memory of me fleeing with
> >>her and Katrina.    As soon as we got to the dragon’s private
> >>quarters, Nadia began to shrink.  She was growing feathers.   The next
> >>thing I knew it was no longer Nadia at all but a raven.
> >>No, that couldn’t be right.  I brushed the unpleasant memory away.
> >>Nadia must be with Tan Darth.
> >>I felt my braille watch to discover the time was three am.  If I
> >>hurried now I could see Nadia before I went into work.
> >>There was something about my job that I should remember, but I
> >>couldn’t think what.
> >>  I got up, pulling out my cane, and made my way carefully along the
> >>path, out of the park.  Ever so often I would reach out a hand to my
> >>left to feel for my next landmark.  My hand touched the intricate
> >>pattern on the wrought iron gate at the entrance of the park.  My feet
> >>touched cobblestones.  I crossed over, feeling for the brick wall on
> >>the other side of the road, then along a couple of streets. It was so
> >>quiet in the street that I could hear absolutely nothing, even after I
> >>turned up my cochlear implant as far as it would go.
> >>By the scent of the blossoms I guessed there should be a wooden fence
> >>on my left.  I felt a sense of relief when my hand touched the rough
> >>untreated wood.
> >>I was about to turn into a gravel driveway when I sensed someone
> >>following me.  I could not hear or see them, but I could smell a faint
> >>trace of lavender perfume and I could sense someone watching me.
> >>I walked straight past the gravel driveway.  At the end of the street,
> >>I turned to cross the road, heading back for the railway station.
> >>There was a bench there where I could sit and wait until it was time
> >>to get to work.  Normally Tan Darth flew me to Keraina so I could
> >>catch the train into work, which would be less suspicious if someone
> >>was watching me, but that was out of the question right now.
> >>  There was no way I could use the ladder going down, since my body
> >>felt so tender and I was afraid of falling.  I wasn’t sure how I could
> >>possibly have got to Tan Darth’s roof anyway.  It was a matter that I
> >>had only just considered.  Walking was hard enough with my crutch on
> >>one side, and my long cane on the other, but the lift operator would
> >>not be around at that time of night.  I would just have to wait on the
> >>bench.
> >>My various aches and pains seemed to remind me of their presence more
> >>insistently while I waited.  Especially my eye, there was obviously
> >>something wrong with it.  I also had more time to think how badly my
> >>life was going now.
> >>
> >>I am experiencing living hell.  I'm not just referring to the physical
> >>pain from my eye, or my various injuries.
> >>Physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt.
> >>Like when I was trying to entertain the guests at Nadia and Sunniva's
> >>birthday party.  I tripped over something and all the children were
> >>laughing at me, including Nadia.  Now that really hurt.
> >>I felt confused at the thought of the party since I had no
> >>recollection of when that happened.  It seemed one of the clusters of
> >>memories that I felt so desperate to push away.
> >>It seemed Nadia had changed.  Where had my sweet little Nadia gone?
> >>She had been refusing to wear her cochlear implant. I tried to accept
> >>that, hoping it was just a phase she was going through.
> >>Nadia's also decided to take up a vegan diet. Not that I have anything
> >>against her following a vegan lifestyle. My dear sweet husband Vinny
> >>is also Vegan.  If only she didn’t take her veganism to such extremes.
> >>  I gave her a lovely model dog for her birthday.  I thought she would
> >>be really pleased with it, but she didn't even thank me for it.  She
> >>just asked me if it was vegan.
> >>Nadia seems to really resent Vinny.   She said some really hurtful
> >>things about him.  I can't understand how anyone can fail to like
> >>Vinny.  He is the nicest man I’ve ever met.  He really helps me accept
> >>my sight problems, and the fact I now need a long cane all the time
> >>since I have so many blind spots.   I would never have coped with any
> >>of that if Vinny wasn't there to support me.
> >>It seemed that Nadia blamed him for the lack of time I could spend
> >>with her, but he's got nothing to do with that.  Every time I visit
> >>Nadia it puts her at risk.  Both Madrella and Beria are on to me.
> >>There have been so many close calls.
> >>If that wasn't bad enough there was my mother to deal with too.   I
> >>used to think that it was just a matter of getting mother away from my
> >>abusive father.  I thought she would be pleased, but she isn't.  She
> >>keeps asking me when she can visit father in prison.  I took her to
> >>stay with the Parvesh witches, but she complained almost constantly
> >>about my mother-in-law and her bossy ways.  I tried inviting her to
> >>Nadia's birthday party but she pulled her hand away.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I smelt the lavender perfume more strongly now.  A hand touched mine.
> >>I started as I felt the fabrics of a tunic brushing against me.
> >>"Sorry to make you jump like that. It's Katrina here.   Are you ready
> >>to go yet?" a pair of hands asked using tactile sign language.
> >>"Ready to go? Ready to go where? What are you doing here anyway?" I
> >>asked in confusion.
> >>"I‘ve been following you to make sure you were ok.  You were very
> >>upset after your appointment with the eye doctor, and you were
> >>diagnosed with Glaucoma
” Katrina explained.
> >>After that a tide of unpleasant memories came flooding back to me.
> >>I would not have seen Nadia at Tan Darth’s place
> >>since she had left months ago.
> >>I remembered that awful party that should never have happened.
> >>I had wanted to make things up to Nadia, but the party went wrong
> >>right from the start.  There were supposed to be two powerful witches
> >>there, but Van’s human companion wouldn’t stay for the party.
> >>“This is too bad; I wanted to spend some time alone with my dragon.
> >>The witch clan that I am staying with produce children in plague like
> >>proportions.  I wanted a brat-free break with my dragon, so you are
> >>just going to have to call the whole thing off,” she stormed.
> >>Van’s human companion must have left straight after putting the
> >>protective charms on her dragon’s property.
> >>I couldn‘t possibly call off the party.  I’d already told Nadia I was
> >>throwing a party for her.  Plus there were physical problems with me
> >>not being able to see the screen of my large print Mincom any more.
> >>Then after struggling to run that dreadful party, my sister Madrella had
> >> come.
> >>
> >>“So where is Nadia?” I asked Katrina.
> >>“I can’t say.  I can assure you thought that Nadia is ok.  The girl we
> >>took with us wasn’t Nadia.  It was Wendy Krum.   My aim was to get
> >>Madrella and Beria away from the real Nadia as far as possible.  I’m
> >>waiting for a phone call right now, telling me where Nadia is, so I
> >>can take you to meet her before she goes up north with me.  She will
> >>be safer there," Katrina told me.
> >>"No, I’ve already had to be separated from Nadia while my wounds were
> >>healing.  I would worry too much if she was too far away.   She's
> >>getting resentful enough as it is.  If I abandoned her altogether she
> >>would never forgive me," I told her.
> >>“She’ll get over it.  You won't be abandoning her anyway, just having
> >>a break. Right now I can tell that your nerves are getting really
> >>frayed.  Lapses in memory are always a bad sign.  Your eye condition
> >>isn‘t helping things either," Katrina told me.
> >>“I’m going to go completely blind now aren‘t I?” I asked Katrina.
> >>  “Not necessarily, although that could happen.  It would have been
> >>less likely to happen if your mother-in-law had booked you an
> >>appointment when she first noticed your sight deteriorate.  She
> >>noticed months ago, but unfortunately she was too fatalistic to
> >>consider the possibility that something might be done about your
> >>sight, so she helped you improve your blind skills instead,” Katrina
> >>explained.
> >>I remembered that, my mother-in-law had been very insistent that I
> >>improve on my long cane technique and other blind skills.  She bought
> >>me a braille watch as an extra wedding anniversary present.  She said
> >>I would definitely need it in the future.  I'm not sure if she was
> >>referring to my delicate eyes or whether she could forecast the
> >>future.   I greatly resented her over bearing approach to my life, but
> >>as far as long cane skills go, I'm now very glad mine have improved.
> >>  “This fatalistic approach is typically Nazdonian, particularly
> >>amongst the older generation,” Katrina continued, “They accept
> >>whatever life throws at them as being fated to happen that way.  It’s
> >>one of the reasons that there are so many disabled people in Nazdonia.
> >>The rate of blindness is particularly high in comparison to the rest
> >>of the world.”
> >>“I thought that was because of the lack of modern medicine,” I commented.
> >>“Well that’s part of it, but there are a number of other reasons
> >>besides.  People assume in a nation with so many witches, that the
> >>witches would be bound to make everyone perfect.  It doesn’t happen
> >>that way since magic is more likely to make things go wrong, then put
> >>things right.  My husband does a lot with his weather magic to help
> >>the local villagers, but this is an exception rather then a rule.  In
> >>general witches keep themselves to themselves.  There is a lot of
> >>inbreeding amongst the witch clans.  For example, the high incidence
> >>of blindness in the Parvesh clan is due to inbreeding and so is the
> >>high incidence of Deafness in the Krum clan.  Plus some of the less
> >>scrupulous witches use their magic to blind others with.  They even do
> >>it to their own family members.”
> >>I went quiet after that, hoping for a change of subject.   Madrella
> >>hadn’t even bothered to use her magic to blind me with.  She had
> >>simply used her fists.
> >>At that moment I heard Katrina’s mobile phone ring.
> >>“I’m sorry Liza; I’ve got some really bad news for you.  It’s about Nadia
”
> >>
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