[stylist] DBG (chapter 5)
helene ryles
dreamavdb at googlemail.com
Thu Sep 10 03:12:36 UTC 2009
Hi Jim,
I'm sorry to hear about your wife's health. I hope she makes a speedy recovery.
Thanks for finding time to give me feedback.
Yes, things of an adult nature are taking place in this book that I
want to hint at, but not go into any detail about. It's not always
easy as I know exactly what has happened to the characters in question
but I do want to keep the story clean. With only hints.
Actually I don't want to create disgust towards Liza. She's not a bad
person, she's more a victim of cercumstances then anything, and as far
as Talmon is concerned she doesn't even know it.
She does have her failings though and one of them is her way of cut
off anyone who critizes Talmon or even dragon's in general.
Helene
On 10/09/2009, Judith Bron <jbron at optonline.net> wrote:
> JC, I hope your wife has a speedy recovery. Best wishes, Judith
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "James Canaday M.A. N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com>
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, September 09, 2009 10:21 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] DBG (chapter 5)
>
>
>> well,
>> Helene, in my case it wasn't because of that bit of the dragon and Liza's
>> sex.
>>
>> my wife went into the hospital today, the fourth time this summer. this
>> time is very serious. I've been a bit more busy today and yesterday.
>> I do know that sometimes a character needs to engage in disgusting or
>> filthy acts. if you're writing about a sexual preditor, you're going to
>> include some very intense and upsetting scenes.
>> if you're writing about an abusive parent, there's going to be violence.
>>
>> yes, I found that very disgusting. but you're talking about Liza being
>> rejected by her own society, in part because of her association with the
>> dragon.
>> jc
>> Jim Canaday M.A.
>> Lawrence, KS
>>
>> At 08:45 PM 9/9/2009, you wrote:
>>>I wondered why nobody was commenting on the chapter.
>>>
>>>Helene
>>>
>>>On 10/09/2009, helene ryles <dreamavdb at googlemail.com> wrote:
>>> > No I don't want this to be about sexual interaction at all. I just
>>> > didn't realise it would be considered in that light. So I'll delete it
>>> > now.
>>> >
>>> > Helene
>>> >
>>> > On 10/09/2009, helene ryles <dreamavdb at googlemail.com> wrote:
>>> >> I'll delete that bit then.
>>> >> Helene.
>>> >>
>>> >> On 10/09/2009, Judith Bron <jbron at optonline.net> wrote:
>>> >>> Helene, If you want to make this a novel about sexual interaction, do
>>> >>>
>>> >>> it
>>> >>> in
>>> >>> a conventional manner. A dragon licking her when she has her period?
>>> >>> Yuck!
>>> >>> This is not sexual, just gross. Judith
>>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>> From: "helene ryles" <dreamavdb at googlemail.com>
>>> >>> To: "A private list for authors" <DB-AUTHORS at tr.wou.edu>; "Writer's
>>> >>> Division
>>> >>> Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>> >>> Sent: Wednesday, September 09, 2009 6:56 PM
>>> >>> Subject: [stylist] DBG (chapter 5)
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Chapter 5
>>> >>> The sad fate of Liza Bronze by Shania Krum (Liza's deaf Nanny)
>>> >>>
>>> >>> It was late when the lights started flickering on and off. I went
>>> >>> to the door to find Liza Bronze. She was sitting on my doorstep with
>>> >>> her head in her hands.
>>> >>> I tapped her gently on the shoulder.
>>> >>> "What's the matter Liza?" I signed. I wasn't sure she could see me
>>> >>> through her tears so I repeated my request using tactile sign
>>> >>> language.
>>> >>> Liza just shook her head and carried on crying.
>>> >>> Its several years since I last saw Liza Bronze. The problem is that
>>> >>> people in Nazdonia hate Dragons. The dragons come here sometimes,
>>> >>> and
>>> >>> sit perch on our roofs, watching us closely. Ever so often a Dragon
>>> >>> will dive down and snatch one of our villagers. Usually they just
>>> >>> examine us closely before putting us down again, but some dragons
>>> >>> have
>>> >>> been known to remove a villager's legs first. As if to add insult
>>> >>> to injury, the offending dragon stuffs the villager's pockets with
>>> >>> Darthrilan currency. They seemed to think that would make it all
>>> >>> okay.
>>> >>> We tried telling Liza about this, but she won't believe us. On her
>>> >>> last visit my son expressed a desire to join a dragon slaying team.
>>> >>> Liza got up and started swearing at him. When I told her not to use
>>> >>> such rude signs around the children she turned and left the house.
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> *** *** ***
>>> >>>
>>> >>> I know a lot about Liza Bronze. I was her wet nurse. I can always
>>> >>> remember her dragon Talmon Bronze's first meeting. I had just put my
>>> >>> own baby to bed and was taking down my laundry, when this dragon
>>> >>> swooped down. I was so shocked that I dropped my laundry basket. I
>>> >>> was about to flee for my cottage when the dragon 'spoke' to me.
>>> >>> I suddenly visualized a tiny silver-skinned baby in my mind. I
>>> >>> visualised money and then a question mark. Those images clearly
>>> >>> didn't belong to me. I know, god alone knows how, that the dragon
>>> >>> was
>>> >>> communicating with me. He was offering me both the baby and the
>>> >>> money. Such strangeness made me nervous. What did the dragon want?
>>> >>> The images came again, more persistently this time. I visualized
>>> >>> myself nursing this baby. Then I visualised money again. Surely the
>>> >>> dragon wasn't offering me a job? Or was he? The notion was just too
>>> >>> far fetched to take in.
>>> >>> The dragon nodded.
>>> >>> I kept visualising the money. There was a question mark again. Was
>>> >>> he asking me how much I wanted?
>>> >>> "A bag of gold every night on the full moon will do" I replied
>>> >>> sarcastically. I wondered why this big scaly brute was toying with
>>> >>> me
>>> >>> like this for. Why didn't he just hurry up and eat me if that's
>>> >>> what
>>> >>> he wanted.
>>> >>> I visualised some pure gold nuggets followed by the common nine
>>> >>> carrot
>>> >>> gold; Then a query.
>>> >>> "I would prefer to be paid in goln. That's the name of our currency
>>> >>> here in Nazdonia. I'll do it for 500 goln a month, and no it doesn't
>>> >>> really have to be handed in on the full moon. Any other day will do
>>> >>> just fine"
>>> >>> Next I visualised the dragon swooping down with the baby. I moved
>>> >>> quickly out of the way.
>>> >>> I looked round from behind a boulder. The dragon swooped down just
>>> >>> as
>>> >>> he told me he would. He deposited a basket on the ground. Then he
>>> >>> flew into the air and was gone. I waited a while after that. Partly
>>> >>> because my legs were shaking so much, but also in case the Dragon was
>>> >>> hanging about, waiting to pounce on me.
>>> >>> In the end my curiosity overcame my fear. I darted forward, grabbing
>>> >>> the basket, and fled back to my cottage, my laundry basket forgotten
>>> >>> about. I suspected that the dragon maybe lurking, somewhere out of
>>> >>> sight.
>>> >>> The grey skinned infant was only a few weeks old. She was wearing a
>>> >>> pair of Aphakic glasses which were attached to her head with an
>>> >>> elastic cord. I could feel from her throat that she was screaming
>>> >>> her
>>> >>> little lungs out so I unbuttoned my dress and fed her with my own
>>> >>> breast milk. Fortunately I still had some milk left over from my
>>> >>> first born son who had just been weaned.
>>> >>> This was my very first meeting with Liza Bronze.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> *** *** ***
>>> >>>
>>> >>> So now Liza was back again, in a lot of distress.
>>> >>> "Come inside. I will make you some tea," I signed.
>>> >>> "She wants me to put Nadia in danger! She wants me to send her to
>>> >>> school, where her mother can come and collect her," Liza signed.
>>> >>> "Who's she?" I asked. I had some idea who Liza meant, but I just
>>> >>> wanted to be sure.
>>> >>> "Beria. She's been threatening me with the truancy officer. She
>>> >>> says
>>> >>> that Nadia needed the company of other children. I gave her a dog.
>>> >>> That should be enough company for her. Children are cruel you know.
>>> >>> I never benefited from being with other children..."
>>> >>> "That's not true. You had lots of friends before Beria took you from
>>> >>> us. Yes, maybe your sight did get in the way sometimes. People
>>> >>> needed
>>> >>> to sign close to you, instead of at the usual range. Why can't
>>> >>> Nadia
>>> >>> come here?"
>>> >>> "Everyone is so anti-dragon round here. Besides which, I don't want
>>> >>> her so far away from me. I'd worry too much"
>>> >>> "So what do you want then?"
>>> >>> "I want Beria and Madrella to drop dead!"
>>> >>> I sighed. Liza can be incredibly childish for a fully grown woman.
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> *** *** ****
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> I can still remember the day that Beria and her bunch of female
>>> >>> thugs
>>> >>> blasted our door down and dragged Liza from our care. She was only
>>> >>> eight at the time. I'd been teaching her how to read and write and
>>> >>> she was ever such a bright little girl. She got on really well with
>>> >>> my sons too. She should have stayed with us. After all she really
>>> >>> needs to be in the company of other Deaf humans. Not some oversexed
>>> >>> dragon and a bunch of audist busy bodies. Between that lot Liza got
>>> >>> really screwed up.
>>> >>> Beria's one of those Audist types that look down on our language and
>>> >>> all deaf that use it. I could sense that from the beginning. She
>>> >>> really didn't approve of the Dragon's choice of Nannies.
>>> >>> It makes me wonder who's running whom.
>>> >>> Liza's aunt's Arielle and Beria came regularly at one stage. We
>>> >>> didn't mind Arielle's visits since she can sign and she often
>>> >>> commented on how well Liza was doing. Beria's visits were another
>>> >>> matter altogether. She just came to ensure that Liza Bronze used
>>> >>> her hearing aids. She also insisted that Liza get to meet her
>>> >>> parents.
>>> >>> I hated Liza's father even before I knew about the way he had sold
>>> >>> his
>>> >>> child to the dragons. What kind of parent does a thing like that?
>>> >>> He's even more of an Audist then Beria. He has this poor deafblind
>>> >>> wife whom he forces to lip-read by a method known as Tadoma. I could
>>> >>> tell she found communication a major struggle. She was the saddest
>>> >>> creature I ever met.
>>> >>> I didn't pity her because of her deafblindness. We have blind and
>>> >>> deafblind people here at Nassoli too. They are sad at first, but
>>> >>> they get used to it eventually. I'm sure Liza's mother Mona would
>>> >>> have adapted too but her husband wouldn't let her. He resisted any
>>> >>> attempts to send anyone round to teach her any blind skills, even
>>> >>> when
>>> >>> his own family tried to help.
>>> >>> Arielle and I decided the kindest thing anyone could do with Mona
>>> >>> was
>>> >>> to rescue her. We didn't expect to keep her with us indefinitely,
>>> >>> but
>>> >>> she needed to learn how to adapt to her deafblindness. It was
>>> >>> especially important for Mona to learn how to communicate in sign
>>> >>> language since Mona had another deafblind daughter called Monika.
>>> >>> Snyder runs a business selling enchanted prosthetic legs. So we sent
>>> >>> an amputee round to ask about the sale of prosthetic legs. Of course
>>> >>> he wasn't really interested. Snyder's legs are well above his price
>>> >>> range. While he was busy talking to him, I slipped in with a fader
>>> >>> that Liza's aunt Arielle had hired for me. They are useful little
>>> >>> folks when you want to become invisible, even though a lot of them
>>> >>> end
>>> >>> up going mad. After experiencing invisibility it's understandable.
>>> >>> We kept Mona, Monika and Liza together for just over a week. We were
>>> >>> teaching them tactile sign language first. That had to be a priority
>>> >>> since Monika was severely delayed. She was eleven years old without
>>> >>> any language skills at all. We were hoping to move on to braille
>>> >>> and
>>> >>> mobility skills after that.
>>> >>> Snyder called the police on us. Not only did they take Mona and
>>> >>> Monika from us but they took Liza as well.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> *** *** ***
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Five years later Arielle brought Liza back to us.
>>> >>> We were overjoyed to see her again and Liza seemed really happy to be
>>> >>> with us too. I could tell she appreciated being signed to, instead
>>> >>> of being spoken to and expected to lip read all the time.
>>> >>> Unfortunately she had already fallen behind. Her signed vocabulary
>>> >>> was that of younger child since she had nobody to practice NSL with,
>>> >>> except her aunt Arielle, who stopped seeing Liza regularly, after her
>>> >>> eldest son Pyre was born.
>>> >>> Liza had a social awkwardness about her, of a child that is used to
>>> >>> being on their own for most of the time. I would have made
>>> >>> allowances, but you know what teenagers are like. Her old friends
>>> >>> had
>>> >>> grown apart and they didn't have much patience with her. Hearing
>>> >>> aids
>>> >>> were still very bulky things in those days and the other children
>>> >>> made
>>> >>> fun of Liza for wearing them. (We don't bother with hearing aids
>>> >>> round
>>> >>> these parts. Everyone here can sign, so we don't need them.)
>>> >>> One girl tried to show her more tolerance, but she freaked out when
>>> >>> Liza started talking about how much she loved her dragon, and what
>>> >>> they did together. Liza told the girl that she never bothered
>>> >>> wearing
>>> >>> any clothes when she and Talmon were alone together. She liked it
>>> >>> when Talmon licked her clean, especially when she was having a
>>> >>> period.
>>> >>> (I think it was that kind of talk that persuaded Arielle to bring
>>> >>> Liza back to us in the first place).
>>> >>> After the girl expressed her disgust, Liza reacted by thumped her and
>>> >>> storming off into the desert. We had to send a search party out after
>>> >>> her to no avail. Years later we were told that Beria had found her
>>> >>> and taken her back to Talmon Bronze. We would have appreciated it if
>>> >>> someone had told us that Liza was okay, as we were all beside
>>> >>> ourselves with concern.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Since then we've only seen Liza a few times for very brief visits.
>>> >>> She grows stranger by the day. Saying anything in the least bit
>>> >>> negative about Talmon often resulted in Liza storming off in a Tizzy.
>>> >>> I can't stop the villagers from speaking their minds on this matter.
>>> >>> Liza doesn't like this so she rarely ever comes.
>>> >>> I worry a lot about Liza, being in a foreign country with all those
>>> >>> dragons. She seems to have been shut out on the other side of the
>>> >>> fence with nothing to replace us with, except some large scaly beast.
>>> >>>
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