[stylist] DBG (chapter 5)
Judith Bron
jbron at optonline.net
Thu Sep 10 13:31:33 UTC 2009
You can show a character as disgusting and a social misfit without grossing
out your readers. Judith
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Canaday M.A. N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 09, 2009 10:17 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] DBG (chapter 5)
>I had the same reaction. however, I see you wanted disgust expressed
>toward this character. unfortunately, if there's going to be disgust
>expressed toward a character, that character has to do disgusting things.
> how important is the disgust and social ostricism (sp?) for the story?
>
> in chapter 5, there sure is a lot of chattiness telling of little history
> details, what and why, about this character and those characters. I found
> it a little distracting.
> jc
> Jim Canaday M.A.
> Lawrence, KS
>
> At 08:42 PM 9/9/2009, you wrote:
>>I'll delete that bit then.
>>Helene.
>>
>>On 10/09/2009, Judith Bron <jbron at optonline.net> wrote:
>> > Helene, If you want to make this a novel about sexual interaction, do
>> > it in
>> > a conventional manner. A dragon licking her when she has her
>> period? Yuck!
>> > This is not sexual, just gross. Judith
>> > ----- Original Message -----
>> > From: "helene ryles" <dreamavdb at googlemail.com>
>> > To: "A private list for authors" <DB-AUTHORS at tr.wou.edu>;
>> "Writer's Division
>> > Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>> > Sent: Wednesday, September 09, 2009 6:56 PM
>> > Subject: [stylist] DBG (chapter 5)
>> >
>> >
>> > Chapter 5
>> > The sad fate of Liza Bronze by Shania Krum (Liza's deaf Nanny)
>> >
>> > It was late when the lights started flickering on and off. I went
>> > to the door to find Liza Bronze. She was sitting on my doorstep with
>> > her head in her hands.
>> > I tapped her gently on the shoulder.
>> > "What's the matter Liza?" I signed. I wasn't sure she could see me
>> > through her tears so I repeated my request using tactile sign
>> > language.
>> > Liza just shook her head and carried on crying.
>> > Its several years since I last saw Liza Bronze. The problem is that
>> > people in Nazdonia hate Dragons. The dragons come here sometimes, and
>> > sit perch on our roofs, watching us closely. Ever so often a Dragon
>> > will dive down and snatch one of our villagers. Usually they just
>> > examine us closely before putting us down again, but some dragons have
>> > been known to remove a villager's legs first. As if to add insult
>> > to injury, the offending dragon stuffs the villager's pockets with
>> > Darthrilan currency. They seemed to think that would make it all
>> > okay.
>> > We tried telling Liza about this, but she won't believe us. On her
>> > last visit my son expressed a desire to join a dragon slaying team.
>> > Liza got up and started swearing at him. When I told her not to use
>> > such rude signs around the children she turned and left the house.
>> >
>> >
>> > *** *** ***
>> >
>> > I know a lot about Liza Bronze. I was her wet nurse. I can always
>> > remember her dragon Talmon Bronze's first meeting. I had just put my
>> > own baby to bed and was taking down my laundry, when this dragon
>> > swooped down. I was so shocked that I dropped my laundry basket. I
>> > was about to flee for my cottage when the dragon 'spoke' to me.
>> > I suddenly visualized a tiny silver-skinned baby in my mind. I
>> > visualised money and then a question mark. Those images clearly
>> > didn't belong to me. I know, god alone knows how, that the dragon was
>> > communicating with me. He was offering me both the baby and the
>> > money. Such strangeness made me nervous. What did the dragon want?
>> > The images came again, more persistently this time. I visualized
>> > myself nursing this baby. Then I visualised money again. Surely the
>> > dragon wasn't offering me a job? Or was he? The notion was just too
>> > far fetched to take in.
>> > The dragon nodded.
>> > I kept visualising the money. There was a question mark again. Was
>> > he asking me how much I wanted?
>> > "A bag of gold every night on the full moon will do" I replied
>> > sarcastically. I wondered why this big scaly brute was toying with me
>> > like this for. Why didn't he just hurry up and eat me if that's what
>> > he wanted.
>> > I visualised some pure gold nuggets followed by the common nine carrot
>> > gold; Then a query.
>> > "I would prefer to be paid in goln. That's the name of our currency
>> > here in Nazdonia. I'll do it for 500 goln a month, and no it doesn't
>> > really have to be handed in on the full moon. Any other day will do
>> > just fine"
>> > Next I visualised the dragon swooping down with the baby. I moved
>> > quickly out of the way.
>> > I looked round from behind a boulder. The dragon swooped down just as
>> > he told me he would. He deposited a basket on the ground. Then he
>> > flew into the air and was gone. I waited a while after that. Partly
>> > because my legs were shaking so much, but also in case the Dragon was
>> > hanging about, waiting to pounce on me.
>> > In the end my curiosity overcame my fear. I darted forward, grabbing
>> > the basket, and fled back to my cottage, my laundry basket forgotten
>> > about. I suspected that the dragon maybe lurking, somewhere out of
>> > sight.
>> > The grey skinned infant was only a few weeks old. She was wearing a
>> > pair of Aphakic glasses which were attached to her head with an
>> > elastic cord. I could feel from her throat that she was screaming her
>> > little lungs out so I unbuttoned my dress and fed her with my own
>> > breast milk. Fortunately I still had some milk left over from my
>> > first born son who had just been weaned.
>> > This was my very first meeting with Liza Bronze.
>> >
>> > *** *** ***
>> >
>> > So now Liza was back again, in a lot of distress.
>> > "Come inside. I will make you some tea," I signed.
>> > "She wants me to put Nadia in danger! She wants me to send her to
>> > school, where her mother can come and collect her," Liza signed.
>> > "Who's she?" I asked. I had some idea who Liza meant, but I just
>> > wanted to be sure.
>> > "Beria. She's been threatening me with the truancy officer. She says
>> > that Nadia needed the company of other children. I gave her a dog.
>> > That should be enough company for her. Children are cruel you know.
>> > I never benefited from being with other children..."
>> > "That's not true. You had lots of friends before Beria took you from
>> > us. Yes, maybe your sight did get in the way sometimes. People needed
>> > to sign close to you, instead of at the usual range. Why can't Nadia
>> > come here?"
>> > "Everyone is so anti-dragon round here. Besides which, I don't want
>> > her so far away from me. I'd worry too much"
>> > "So what do you want then?"
>> > "I want Beria and Madrella to drop dead!"
>> > I sighed. Liza can be incredibly childish for a fully grown woman.
>> >
>> >
>> > *** *** ****
>> >
>> >
>> > I can still remember the day that Beria and her bunch of female thugs
>> > blasted our door down and dragged Liza from our care. She was only
>> > eight at the time. I'd been teaching her how to read and write and
>> > she was ever such a bright little girl. She got on really well with
>> > my sons too. She should have stayed with us. After all she really
>> > needs to be in the company of other Deaf humans. Not some oversexed
>> > dragon and a bunch of audist busy bodies. Between that lot Liza got
>> > really screwed up.
>> > Beria's one of those Audist types that look down on our language and
>> > all deaf that use it. I could sense that from the beginning. She
>> > really didn't approve of the Dragon's choice of Nannies.
>> > It makes me wonder who's running whom.
>> > Liza's aunt's Arielle and Beria came regularly at one stage. We
>> > didn't mind Arielle's visits since she can sign and she often
>> > commented on how well Liza was doing. Beria's visits were another
>> > matter altogether. She just came to ensure that Liza Bronze used
>> > her hearing aids. She also insisted that Liza get to meet her
>> > parents.
>> > I hated Liza's father even before I knew about the way he had sold his
>> > child to the dragons. What kind of parent does a thing like that?
>> > He's even more of an Audist then Beria. He has this poor deafblind
>> > wife whom he forces to lip-read by a method known as Tadoma. I could
>> > tell she found communication a major struggle. She was the saddest
>> > creature I ever met.
>> > I didn't pity her because of her deafblindness. We have blind and
>> > deafblind people here at Nassoli too. They are sad at first, but
>> > they get used to it eventually. I'm sure Liza's mother Mona would
>> > have adapted too but her husband wouldn't let her. He resisted any
>> > attempts to send anyone round to teach her any blind skills, even when
>> > his own family tried to help.
>> > Arielle and I decided the kindest thing anyone could do with Mona was
>> > to rescue her. We didn't expect to keep her with us indefinitely, but
>> > she needed to learn how to adapt to her deafblindness. It was
>> > especially important for Mona to learn how to communicate in sign
>> > language since Mona had another deafblind daughter called Monika.
>> > Snyder runs a business selling enchanted prosthetic legs. So we sent
>> > an amputee round to ask about the sale of prosthetic legs. Of course
>> > he wasn't really interested. Snyder's legs are well above his price
>> > range. While he was busy talking to him, I slipped in with a fader
>> > that Liza's aunt Arielle had hired for me. They are useful little
>> > folks when you want to become invisible, even though a lot of them end
>> > up going mad. After experiencing invisibility it's understandable.
>> > We kept Mona, Monika and Liza together for just over a week. We were
>> > teaching them tactile sign language first. That had to be a priority
>> > since Monika was severely delayed. She was eleven years old without
>> > any language skills at all. We were hoping to move on to braille and
>> > mobility skills after that.
>> > Snyder called the police on us. Not only did they take Mona and
>> > Monika from us but they took Liza as well.
>> >
>> > *** *** ***
>> >
>> > Five years later Arielle brought Liza back to us.
>> > We were overjoyed to see her again and Liza seemed really happy to be
>> > with us too. I could tell she appreciated being signed to, instead
>> > of being spoken to and expected to lip read all the time.
>> > Unfortunately she had already fallen behind. Her signed vocabulary
>> > was that of younger child since she had nobody to practice NSL with,
>> > except her aunt Arielle, who stopped seeing Liza regularly, after her
>> > eldest son Pyre was born.
>> > Liza had a social awkwardness about her, of a child that is used to
>> > being on their own for most of the time. I would have made
>> > allowances, but you know what teenagers are like. Her old friends had
>> > grown apart and they didn't have much patience with her. Hearing aids
>> > were still very bulky things in those days and the other children made
>> > fun of Liza for wearing them. (We don't bother with hearing aids round
>> > these parts. Everyone here can sign, so we don't need them.)
>> > One girl tried to show her more tolerance, but she freaked out when
>> > Liza started talking about how much she loved her dragon, and what
>> > they did together. Liza told the girl that she never bothered wearing
>> > any clothes when she and Talmon were alone together. She liked it
>> > when Talmon licked her clean, especially when she was having a period.
>> > (I think it was that kind of talk that persuaded Arielle to bring
>> > Liza back to us in the first place).
>> > After the girl expressed her disgust, Liza reacted by thumped her and
>> > storming off into the desert. We had to send a search party out after
>> > her to no avail. Years later we were told that Beria had found her
>> > and taken her back to Talmon Bronze. We would have appreciated it if
>> > someone had told us that Liza was okay, as we were all beside
>> > ourselves with concern.
>> >
>> > Since then we've only seen Liza a few times for very brief visits.
>> > She grows stranger by the day. Saying anything in the least bit
>> > negative about Talmon often resulted in Liza storming off in a Tizzy.
>> > I can't stop the villagers from speaking their minds on this matter.
>> > Liza doesn't like this so she rarely ever comes.
>> > I worry a lot about Liza, being in a foreign country with all those
>> > dragons. She seems to have been shut out on the other side of the
>> > fence with nothing to replace us with, except some large scaly beast.
>> >
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