[stylist] need inspiration

Mon Sep 21 02:31:08 UTC 2009

HI Allison, This is a nice story about someone's journey through music and 
how she gave up something she thought was so important because of the 
attitude of the director. I've never encountered a director like that in my 
choir experiences, but I'm sure there is something similar out there. It 
might be because I've been working on improving the flow of my own writing 
that I notice a few things that stuck out like sore thumbs, at least for me. 
These are classic things that your instructor will probably point out, and 
those are the use of "and" and "so" and 'but" at the beginning of sentences, 
as well as other prepositions, and also in some cases the confusion of 
tenses within paragraphs. Some of the things that would make the story in it 
current form seem even stronger include the elimination of the "and" from 
the beginning of sentences, something that's easy to overlook. The words 
"and" and "so" stand out to me in two readings. If you can eliminate those 
and make those sentences stronger you will have a much stronger reading 
story. the classic advice holds here, too, and that is to show the story by 
telling it with sentences in the active voice. there is one sentence at the 
end that is a little confusing. It reads: She never had prestigious 
opportunities, but she never didn't want them anymore. Are you trying to say 
that she didn't want the opportunities anymore or that just because she gave 
up Carnegie hall didn't mean she gave up wanting prestigious opportunities? 
The impression I got was that just because she gave up the performance at 
Carnegie Hall didn't mean she never wanted prestigious opportunities 
anymore. It's a story with a great message: sometimes the removal of the joy 
from an experience isn't worth the prestitious event. Your story illustrates 
the flourishing of the independent spirit.
Shelley J. Alongi
Home Office: (714)869-3207
**
NFBWD "Slate and Style" editor
http://www.nfb-writers-division.org

**
To read essays on my journey through the Chatsworth train accident, 
Metrolink 111 or other interests click on 
http://www.storymania.com/cgibin/sm2/smshowauthorbox.cgi?page=&author=AlongiSJ&alpha=A

updated September 13, 2009
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Allison Nastoff" <anastoff at wi.rr.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, September 20, 2009 6:38 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] need inspiration

> Thank you so much to everyone who offered me so much
> encouragement.  I decided to take the choir route, but I am
> definitely going to think about writing about blindness for the
> nonfiction unit later in the semester.
> The story attached is not a real experience that happened to me.
> The part where I clapped in the song is real, but the choir
> director didn't mind, and I started a wonderful tradition.  But
> one thing I remembered from the textbook is that in ficity, you
> can ask "what if?" So in this story I thought about "what if the
> choir director had not approved of this improvisation, and this
> is the basis for my story.
> Everyone in the class is going to read the story and give me
> feedback for revisions, but if you have suggestions, I would love
> to hear them as well.  Again, thank you so much for assuring me
> that my experiences are worth writing about.
> Allison Nastoff
>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>From: "James Canaday M.A.  N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
>>Date sent: Sat, 19 Sep 2009 01:51:40 -0500
>>Subject: Re: [stylist] need inspiration
>
>>Dear Allison,
>>please don't be so quick to discount your own experiences as
> being
>>"childish."   first, we all have been children, so that actually
> can
>>be a positive for your story.  if you are indeed writing about a
>>child or a young person, then all of us have been there.  you
> contact
>>truths we all have in common, experiences we all can share.
> then,
>>you take those and braid them into something unique.  did
> something
>>happen when you were singing in the choir that made you laugh?
> or
>>something that happened that made you cry?  was there a moment
> during
>>your time singing in the choir that you felt the presence of God
> most
>>particularly?
>>a moment like one of those could make a wonderful story.  was
> there a
>>mixup one day with a choir rob?
>>once my wife was singing in a church choir.  this church was not
> so
>>formal and all the  choir members  had cups of coffee or tea
> which
>>they brought up into the high choir loft up behind the seated
> congregation.
>>my wife was in an animated conversation, and by the way she is
> blind
>>and a soprano.  she waved her hand and swept her coffee cup off
> the
>>choir loft rail in front of her, and the cup fell most of a story
>>down to the fround behind the seated congregation.  in those days
> or
>>at that church, the cups were porcelin and not covered.
>>incredibly, her cup landed right side up, and not a single drop
> had
>>spilled from it!
>
>>Allison, you have many wonderful experiences.  was there
> something
>>you learned through hard work?
>>I'm sure you can write a seven page story.
>>good luck,
>>jc
>>Jim Canaday M.A.
>>Lawrence, KS
>
>>At 12:17 AM 9/19/2009, you wrote:
>>>Hi everyone,
>>>This semester, I am taking a creative writing class in college.
>>>I love to write, but I am more accostumed to writing essays, or
>>>newspaper articles.  But for Monday's class, I have to write a
> short
>>>literary fiction story--and by short, my teacher means a minimum
> of
>>>seven print pages--and I have absolutely no idea what to write
>>>about.  The textbook says that there are stories all around us
> from
>>>our personal experiences, to things we hear about in the paper
> that
>>>can make a story.  But do you think I can recall meaningful
> personal
>>>experiences when I need to? Experiences that I can think of
> (school,
>>>being blind, singing in choir), seem too childish for this kind
> of
>>>class based on the other stories the teacher has assigned for us
> to
>>>read, and all I see in the news is stories about the economy and
> the
>>>war, nothing that has sparked a story.  So I was wondering how do
>>>you writers find ideas for a story? If you are writing a story
> based
>>>on a personal experience, how do you develop it into a seven page
>>>story when thinking back on the experience, you have no idea how
> to
>>>make a real story out of it, no matter how profound it may be to
> you?
>>>Any advice you could give me would be wonderful.
>>>Allison Nastoff
>
>>>_______________________________________________
>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
> <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/
>
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> unflower.com
>
>
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