[stylist] need inspiration

Mon Sep 21 03:17:08 UTC 2009

Interesting. I liked the end.

Helene

On 21/09/2009, Shelley J. Alongi <qobells at roadrunner.com> wrote:
> HI Allison, This is a nice story about someone's journey through music and
> how she gave up something she thought was so important because of the
> attitude of the director. I've never encountered a director like that in my
> choir experiences, but I'm sure there is something similar out there. It
> might be because I've been working on improving the flow of my own writing
> that I notice a few things that stuck out like sore thumbs, at least for me.
> These are classic things that your instructor will probably point out, and
> those are the use of "and" and "so" and 'but" at the beginning of sentences,
> as well as other prepositions, and also in some cases the confusion of
> tenses within paragraphs. Some of the things that would make the story in it
> current form seem even stronger include the elimination of the "and" from
> the beginning of sentences, something that's easy to overlook. The words
> "and" and "so" stand out to me in two readings. If you can eliminate those
> and make those sentences stronger you will have a much stronger reading
> story. the classic advice holds here, too, and that is to show the story by
> telling it with sentences in the active voice. there is one sentence at the
> end that is a little confusing. It reads: She never had prestigious
> opportunities, but she never didn't want them anymore. Are you trying to say
> that she didn't want the opportunities anymore or that just because she gave
> up Carnegie hall didn't mean she gave up wanting prestigious opportunities?
> The impression I got was that just because she gave up the performance at
> Carnegie Hall didn't mean she never wanted prestigious opportunities
> anymore. It's a story with a great message: sometimes the removal of the joy
> from an experience isn't worth the prestitious event. Your story illustrates
> the flourishing of the independent spirit.
> Shelley J. Alongi
> Home Office: (714)869-3207
> **
> NFBWD "Slate and Style" editor
> http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>
> **
> To read essays on my journey through the Chatsworth train accident,
> Metrolink 111 or other interests click on
> http://www.storymania.com/cgibin/sm2/smshowauthorbox.cgi?page=&author=AlongiSJ&alpha=A
>
> updated September 13, 2009
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Allison Nastoff" <anastoff at wi.rr.com>
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, September 20, 2009 6:38 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] need inspiration
>
>
>> Thank you so much to everyone who offered me so much
>> encouragement.  I decided to take the choir route, but I am
>> definitely going to think about writing about blindness for the
>> nonfiction unit later in the semester.
>> The story attached is not a real experience that happened to me.
>> The part where I clapped in the song is real, but the choir
>> director didn't mind, and I started a wonderful tradition.  But
>> one thing I remembered from the textbook is that in ficity, you
>> can ask "what if?" So in this story I thought about "what if the
>> choir director had not approved of this improvisation, and this
>> is the basis for my story.
>> Everyone in the class is going to read the story and give me
>> feedback for revisions, but if you have suggestions, I would love
>> to hear them as well.  Again, thank you so much for assuring me
>> that my experiences are worth writing about.
>> Allison Nastoff
>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>From: "James Canaday M.A.  N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com
>>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>Date sent: Sat, 19 Sep 2009 01:51:40 -0500
>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] need inspiration
>>
>>>Dear Allison,
>>>please don't be so quick to discount your own experiences as
>> being
>>>"childish."   first, we all have been children, so that actually
>> can
>>>be a positive for your story.  if you are indeed writing about a
>>>child or a young person, then all of us have been there.  you
>> contact
>>>truths we all have in common, experiences we all can share.
>> then,
>>>you take those and braid them into something unique.  did
>> something
>>>happen when you were singing in the choir that made you laugh?
>> or
>>>something that happened that made you cry?  was there a moment
>> during
>>>your time singing in the choir that you felt the presence of God
>> most
>>>particularly?
>>>a moment like one of those could make a wonderful story.  was
>> there a
>>>mixup one day with a choir rob?
>>>once my wife was singing in a church choir.  this church was not
>> so
>>>formal and all the  choir members  had cups of coffee or tea
>> which
>>>they brought up into the high choir loft up behind the seated
>> congregation.
>>>my wife was in an animated conversation, and by the way she is
>> blind
>>>and a soprano.  she waved her hand and swept her coffee cup off
>> the
>>>choir loft rail in front of her, and the cup fell most of a story
>>>down to the fround behind the seated congregation.  in those days
>> or
>>>at that church, the cups were porcelin and not covered.
>>>incredibly, her cup landed right side up, and not a single drop
>> had
>>>spilled from it!
>>
>>>Allison, you have many wonderful experiences.  was there
>> something
>>>you learned through hard work?
>>>I'm sure you can write a seven page story.
>>>good luck,
>>>jc
>>>Jim Canaday M.A.
>>>Lawrence, KS
>>
>>>At 12:17 AM 9/19/2009, you wrote:
>>>>Hi everyone,
>>>>This semester, I am taking a creative writing class in college.
>>>>I love to write, but I am more accostumed to writing essays, or
>>>>newspaper articles.  But for Monday's class, I have to write a
>> short
>>>>literary fiction story--and by short, my teacher means a minimum
>> of
>>>>seven print pages--and I have absolutely no idea what to write
>>>>about.  The textbook says that there are stories all around us
>> from
>>>>our personal experiences, to things we hear about in the paper
>> that
>>>>can make a story.  But do you think I can recall meaningful
>> personal
>>>>experiences when I need to? Experiences that I can think of
>> (school,
>>>>being blind, singing in choir), seem too childish for this kind
>> of
>>>>class based on the other stories the teacher has assigned for us
>> to
>>>>read, and all I see in the news is stories about the economy and
>> the
>>>>war, nothing that has sparked a story.  So I was wondering how do
>>>>you writers find ideas for a story? If you are writing a story
>> based
>>>>on a personal experience, how do you develop it into a seven page
>>>>story when thinking back on the experience, you have no idea how
>> to
>>>>make a real story out of it, no matter how profound it may be to
>> you?
>>>>Any advice you could give me would be wonderful.
>>>>Allison Nastoff
>>
>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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