[stylist] Story I just Wrote

[loristay at aol.com]

Chelsea;   An imaginative story, with just a few notes (see below).   Do i 
gather you think a professor would welcome being kidnapped to the middle of 
the ocean so she could have a lab?   And that a student would welcome just 
giving up her career so she could have an observatory?
Lori

In a message dated 12/29/09 5:42:21 PM, astrochem119 at gmail.com writes:


> We both smiled one more time as she flittered out the door,
> 

this should probably be flitted (f l i t t e d) rather than flittered (f l 
i t t e r e d)

 I had never had any children, yet the more I talked with this
young woman in my lab, t

Is this a change in point of view?   I was a bit confused at first. you 
might want to indicate that, either by a skipped line, or a couple of asterisks 
on a separate line.


 And now, it wouldn't happen.
  But it had.
The meaning of this is not clear.   She hadn't finished her astrophysics 
course, so why say "But it had" ?

briefcase is one word, not two.   And they are usually too small to put a 
lot of clothing into.

Did the student lift the professor?   Somewhere in the story you need to 
mention that she is big, or muscular, or wiry from working out.

 her hand
lightly grasped over a formula sheet. 
I think you mean clasped, rather than grasped.