[stylist] Good writing is specific

[loristay]

This is something that came to me last night.  Hope it is helpful.

GOOD WRITING IS SPECIFIC

Loraine Stayer

 

Rather than saying, “The man approached the bed,” say, “a short balding man in doctor’s whites approached the hospital bed.”

 

Rather than saying “He entered the building…” say, “He stepped into the revolving doorway, casting quick, anxious glances over his shoulder as he passed inside.”

 

Instead of “He climbed into bed,” say, “He threw his leg up on the high mattress, lifting his weight upwards.  Who made such high platforms for sleeping anyway?”

 

And for “She was fat,” say rather, “She moved like a wide-bodied truck, taking up most of the space in the roadway.  The earth vibrated with each ponderous step.”

 

In each instance, giving specific details tells you far more than the simple statement.  It helps to picture a real person when describing someone’s physical characteristics.  Thinking of the situation will fill in the gaps.  In the first example, we now know where the bed is, what type of bed, and the look of the approaching man whom we assume is a doctor, or at least appears to be a doctor.

 

In the second example, we get a feeling for the mood of our hero, and the type of building he is entering.  Where does one find a revolving door?  In a hotel, perhaps.  Or in a professional building holding many offices.  Our hero may be concerned about being followed, or he may simply hate revolving doors.  The details will be filled in by the context, but the character reveals much of himself in the description.

 

Our third example again involves a bed, but now we know it isn’t in a hospital, and it is higher than usual, requiring some gymnastics to get into. 

 

And as for the last, while we still know the woman is fat, we now have a feeling for just how fat she might be.  And in all instances we are aware of far more than we might have been before.