[stylist] Feedback request, General content: Minneapolis Bus

Sun May 2 20:29:34 UTC 2010

Here's the instructions I got ages ago about jaws announcing all 
punctuation.

All Punctuation  From Jerry Cox

Insert J which should give you the Jaws context menu. Arrow down to options 
and enter. Then arrow down to voices and enter. Arrow down to individual and

enter. Tab to punctuation and arrow to all. Tab to OK and enter.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "BDM" <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, May 02, 2010 4:01 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Feedback request, General content: Minneapolis Bus

> Neal,
>
> Thanks very much for the grammar points. Wow, I think some of that MS Word 
> did without my knowledge lol. Such as the first  one with the period out 
> of place there. and I know the semi-colons were added by it with my 
> assuming it knew better than I. So much for trusting Microsoft for grammar 
> points hahaha. I do have a question though regarding this. What I'd like 
> to do is be able to switch my Jaws settings to be able to announce all 
> punctuation. I thought the "Proofreading" setting in  the Speech and 
> Sounds Manager would do that but it doesn't read any different to me. 
> Perhaps I need to create a custom one and have it do all punctuation so I 
> can better tell where things are. You can switch schemes on the fly with 
> "INS ALT S" and then quickly go back which is very nice. Just need to get 
> a scheme that is tweaked to proofread as such.  How do you  yourself proof 
> read a document without pain stakingly CTRL Arrowing through and etc.?
>
> Thanks.
>
> Brad
>
>
>
>
> At 02:13 PM 5/2/2010, you wrote:
>>Hi Brad,
>>
>>think your story will appeal to both sighted and non-sighted people. I 
>>think it is humorous and about the riht length. You use some very vivid 
>>descriptions, especially on the bus. I hope you can have it published 
>>somewhere.
>>
>>I added some comments about grammar and style in the text itself below. My 
>>comments are marked with asterisks.
>>Good luck.
>>
>>Neil
>>
>>
>>>Minneapolis Bus
>>>
>>>Having been diagnosed with a retinal disease some years back. I had 
>>>decided
>>*I thinnk a comma is called for here instead of a period.
>>>to counteract the traumatic trick life had played and take a proactive 
>>>approach. Before I lost usable vision I sought out an adjustment to
>>*A comma may be needed after vision, and you may want to define "usable 
>>vision."
>>>blindness training center in Minneapolis Minnesota. This training center 
>>>is called Blindness Learning In New Dimensions or BLIND Inc. for short, 
>>>and was affectionately yet quite accurately, known as the "boot camp for 
>>>blind
>>*Another comma needed here? Try, "...was affectionately, and yet quite..."
>>>folks".
>>*Remember to always put punctuation marks inside the quotation marks.
>>
>>Though apprehensions existed in what life would mean as a blind person, I
>>>looked forward to the challenge of learning skills that would enable me 
>>>to live life successfully independent.
>>>
>>>Besides learning skills as white cane travel, cooking for a large group 
>>>of
>>*You might need the word "such" here, I.e., "such as..."
>>
>>>people, reading and writing Braille, and other daily life skills 
>>>accomplished strictly under blind folds , one final requirement must be 
>>>met using all of the mobility skills learned. In order to graduate a 
>>>student must solely complete what is known as a five mile "graduation 
>>>walk". While
>>*This is confusing: Must you complete the course alone or is the course 
>>the only thing you need to do to graduate?
>>>blindfolded students follow a list of Braille directions instructing them 
>>>to cross noisy intersections, direct them to specific park locations, 
>>>cross bridges; board certain buses and make their way back to the 
>>>training center.
>>*Replace the semicolon with a comma.
>>>Upon successful return, a freedom bell is rung in their honor and as if a 
>>>congratulations button were pressed, peers and staff come applauding from 
>>>classrooms with smiles, hand shakes, and pats on the back as they share 
>>>victory over the test.
>>*You might be able to combine this paragraph with the previous.
>>>The day of my graduation walk turned out to be an unseasonably warm one, 
>>>and about three quarters of the way into my five mile graduation course, 
>>>my legs found great relief on the city transit portion of the test. On 
>>>the surprisingly quiet bus with nothing else to do but listen to the 
>>>engine roar and a buzzing fly next to me crashing its head into the 
>>>window in efforts to escape, my attention was occasionally given to the 
>>>entrance and exit of passengers at the stops.
>>>
>>>At one particular stop my ear picked up on a huge group of young 
>>>elementary
>>*Consider a comma after "stop."
>>>kids boarding and consuming every available seat, leaving teachers and a
>>*Not sure "consuming" is the right word. To me, the kids are eating the 
>>seats.
>>
>>>few chivalrous passengers standing holding on to the grab bars. Excited
>>*Should an "and" be placed between "standing" and "holding?"
>>>conversation assured me the kids were on an early morning field trip.
>>>
>>>Sensing unusual activity at the front of the bus after the kids got on; I
>>*Replace the semicolon with a comma
>>>curiously cheated by lifting my blindfold to find two gents were boarding 
>>>rather boisterously. Apparently they were still "having a night out"; 
>>>unaware the sun had risen right along with their blood alcohol level. One 
>>>stared down the isle with concentrated beady eyes, pulled focus enough to
>>*Consider replacing the comma with "and."
>>>find the bus full, and stood up front droopily hugging the vertical grab 
>>>bar with both hands. The other fellow cockily swaggered about the bus 
>>>exploring for a seat, using passenger's shoulders like rails in bumper 
>>>bowling. The kid's chatter diminished as even they became aware of the
>>*I think you mean the plural "kids'" here.
>>>state these two gents were in. Mid way down the long isle and recognizing 
>>>the bus was full, the second fellow settled quietly to a staggered stance 
>>>next to a nervous teacher. Both stood quiet, as did the rest of the bus 
>>>with only the roar of the engine and squeak of the brakes for audible 
>>>entertainment.
>>>
>>>Finally breaking the intense silence, the adventurous drunk swung his 
>>>head sideways staring at the teacher, head bobbing from the bumpy ride 
>>>and alcohol content. With half mast eyes he looked at the teacher and 
>>>said.
>>>
>>>"Pardon me sir."
>>*This couyld be placed at the end of the preceding paragraph and replace 
>>the period after "said" with a comma.This applies to much of he dialogue 
>>that folows. co
>>>The Teacher nervously returned the look replying
>>>
>>>"Yes?"
>>>
>>>The inebriated man proceeded
>>>
>>>"Do you know Jesus Christ?"
>>>
>>>Wide eyed and perplexed at the source of the question, the teacher 
>>>replied
>>>
>>>"Why, ah, yes. I do."
>>>
>>>The drunken man returned his bobbing head to a forward position slurring 
>>>in apparent amazement.
>>
>>Haha!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>
>
> Brad Dunse
>
> If you want people to stop poking holes in your boat,
>  get them in the boat with you
>
> E Mail: brad at braddunsemusic.com
>
> Website: http://www.braddunsemusic.com
>
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>
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>
>
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