[stylist] feedback please

[BDM]

Judith,

I hadn't seen this before of course being fairly new to the list and trust 
I'm not out of place commenting. A few general comments. Because the two 
chapters are so different, I'm assuming they will connect which had me 
curious while reading through Chapter 2... waiting gfor some sort of 
connection so that was good. Kept me on the line a bit, though chapter one 
seemd much shorter  than Chapter 2if that matters. I found a few 
occurrences to seem "left handed" as it were, no offense to south paws, I'm 
ambidextrous myself :). But Jennifer asking for food with a near death 
accident immediately on her heels, oxygen mask on and I V in her. That   as 
well a visitor feeding a patient a sandwich and not a nurse/staff, the boy 
asking her out as she is coming out of a very serious situation seemed a 
little rushed to me. I bordered on the realistic/believable here.  In 
chapter two if I'm catching all the names/relationships right, I found 
it  interesting the two girls Pessi and Chavy didn't know each other being 
their dad's knew each other well? Is that right? And also Chavy's mom 
visited Pessi's mom before? Maybe I got that one mixed up but I read 
it  straight through without going back as I thinkk that gives the best 
input. Just as in a song, the tempo of the song requires one be absolutely 
clear about what's happening as there is no time afforded to go back and 
re-listen. Though one can go back in a book,  similar importance I feel is 
in literary works.  I kind of got lost in  the dialogs. I wasn't sure who 
was saying what a couple times and it wasn't obvious all times by the 
content. For ease of the reader to follow and enjoy, stating who said 
what  would help  I think.

I thought you did a nice job of the teen age maturity and also I found 
it  satisfying the reason why Pessi dressed as she did, she's run ragged 
from her mom's illness and I felt sorry for her having to take on not only 
the impending sorrow but responsibilities she has. I did find it 
interesting she was prideful but her folks seemed to welcome the charitable 
gifts. It made me wonder where Pessi got her pride? I liked how you hide 
Pessi's dad was the Rabbi, I really liked that and thoght that was a cool 
technique and also very believable from a teen standpoint.

Over all I'm left with a healthy anticipation of the connection between 
Jennifer and the  other girls,  Plus the tension Jennifer has with her own 
identity and the friendship developign between Chavy and Pessi, the new kid 
in town. A couple rushed items in the hospital scene, and a few dialog 
confusions on my part. . I got a little muttled with the character 
relationships in Chapter 2, but I sometimes get that way even with movies 
until it gets going so that could be just me. I'm thinking this is a  book 
for teens? It didn't have me riveted  to my seat but felt it was setting me 
up for a deeper story to unfold.

Hope that helps.

Brad