[stylist] humor vs h u m o u r
loristay
loristay at aol.com
Fri May 7 19:17:19 UTC 2010
Here's a thought. It might make things a bit clearer if you used the British spelling of humor: h u m o u r.
Lori
On May 7, 2010, at 11:55:11 AM, "Neil Butters" <neil.butters at sympatico.ca> wrote:
From: "Neil Butters" <neil.butters at sympatico.ca>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on Short Story
Date: May 7, 2010 11:55:11 AM EDT
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Hi Brad,
Sorry about getting your name wrong. I don't know why I had "Dave" in mind.
I like titles that are a bit cryptic; Reservoir Dogs is a great title, but
Quentin Tarantino won't tell anyone what it means.
Neil
--------------------------------------------------
From: "BDM" <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
Sent: Friday, May 07, 2010 11:07 AM
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on Short Story
> Neil,
>
> Actually Brad here :). you are right, I didn't get it. Perhaps the use of
> "humor" is technically correct in old English?? , but those not familiar
> with it like me, which I could be a loner on it too, for what its worth,
> find it more of a disconnection rather than a play due to the more
> familiar use of the word.
>
> Brad
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> At 09:35 AM 5/7/2010, you wrote:
>>Hi Dave and All,
>>
>>Thanks for the comments, Dave. I will make many changes. However, I think
>>you missed the point of the title. So, for you and anybody else that may
>>be puzzled, here is an explanation: I meant humor as the old medical term
>>for one of the bodily fluids, I.e., red humor or blood. I think, as such,
>>it fits. Besides, it corresponds with the theme of things not necessarily
>>being what you think.
>>
>>Thanks again,
>>
>>Neil
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------
>>From: "BDM" <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
>>Sent: Friday, May 07, 2010 8:26 AM
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on Short Story
>>
>>>Hi Neil,
>>>
>>>For what its worth below are some general thoughts. Thoughts are in * or
>>>**
>>>
>>>A Sense of Humor
>>>
>>>**I was somewhat confused by the title. Though you did a pretty good job
>>>of drawing me into a gruesome setting causing me to be surprised in the
>>>end and then back once more with yet still a brow raised question in the
>>>last line, I wouldn't consider it a sense of humor piece.
>>>
>>>Noting a couple areas that stood out to me...
>>>
>>>...whether to simply throw them away, but I won three poker tournaments
>>>while wearing that shirt, and my girl had spent a kidnapper's ransom on
>>>the towels. That cash could have helped us buy a new washer...
>>>
>>>**The kidnapper's ransom helped set the tone, I thought that was a good
>>>criminalish simile for the story about to unfold
>>>
>>>...The machine began to chug and shake after I fed it some coins.
>>>
>>>**Put the order of detail as they happened? You put coin in *then* it
>>>began shaking.
>>>
>>>
>>>Sweat slicked my underarms, **this seems unfinished? Maybe "I sweat
>>>slicked...." or "Sweat slicking my..."
>>>
>>>
>>>which had been secreting *secreting what? We know but seems unfinished?*
>>>profusely since I entered the Laundromat. The moisture was starting to
>>>make my shirt - proclaiming that Harley-Davidson was the best ride ever -
>>>cling to the sides of my body like a wet bathing suit.
>>>
>>>**Make your shirt what? Make your shirt as in sweat was "reaching it* or
>>>it was making the shirt proclaim the Harly hthing somehow? Not sure.
>>>
>>>
>>>A few beads of perspiration trickled down my forehead, and I wiped them
>>>away with the bottom of my shirt as I settled on one of the plastic
>>>chairs facing the washers and threw the laundry bag underneath.
>>>
>>>**This seems long to me? Maybe make it more action-like removing the
>>>"and"s when you can? Perhaps...
>>>A few beads of perspiration trickled down my forehead into the laundry
>>>bag, wiping them away with the bottom of my shirt, I settled on one of
>>>the plastic chairs facing the washers.
>>>
>>>...*With*My eyes closed. I was transported onto a stage with Metallica in
>>>an open-air stadium. But...
>>>
>>>...men and women prefer to look at female celebrities with at least
>>>C-sized bras. If necessary, a few mouse clicks could be used to fill out
>>>the desired mold. Works for me.
>>>
>>>**The mouse click/computer thing seems out of place as he's looking at a
>>>physical magazine. Perhaps he can digitally edit in his mind with
>>>imagination or something to keep it non-computerish.
>>>
>>>....quickly. I then used the towels to clean up the remaining mess. The
>>>carnage had been much more than I had expected, but then again the gashes
>>>were very deep. I tore through her flesh and the underlying muscle.
>>>
>>>**Definitely got me thinking you're an axe murderer hear haha. Though I
>>>think in the next line letting us know you are back at the laundromat a
>>>little bit earlier in the opening line would be good. Though I do like
>>>the thumping of the chest here as it goes with the hacking of your girl
>>>above.
>>>
>>>The thumping in my chest slowed gradually as the music and magazine took
>>>effect. I waited 30 minutes, to the second, before retrieving the
>>>laundry...
>>>
>>>
>>>**I like how you cleared up the cutting open of your girl giving a "ah
>>>ha" moment. Then shortly after, making us think the end will be finished
>>>and solved as you hate unsolved stores, I like how you interweaved the
>>>Unsolved Mystery show in as a vehicle for this guy 's mind to run away,
>>>and also at teh very end... did it really run away or was it real?
>>>
>>>The baby thing is a bit sensitive yes, but the mystery is good. If
>>>you've eve listened to Home Prairie Companion with Garrison Kieler, there
>>>is a weird little story segment called Bebop a rebop Rhubarb Pie
>>>taking you on some weirdish little mystery and then back to reality very
>>>quickly... this reminded me of that, only mixed with a little Stephen
>>>King haah. Good creative imagination I thought.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>_______________________________________________
>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>
>>>stylist mailing list
>>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>stylist:
>>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/neil.butters%40sympatico.ca
>>
>>_______________________________________________
>>Writers Division web site:
>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>
>>stylist mailing list
>>stylist at nfbnet.org
>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>stylist:
>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/lists%40braddunsemusic.com
>>
>>
>>__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus
>>signature database 5095 (20100507) __________
>>
>>The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.
>>
>>http://www.eset.com
>>
>>
>
>
> Brad Dunse
>
> He who angers you controls you
>
> E Mail: brad at braddunsemusic.com
>
> Website: http://www.braddunsemusic.com
>
> Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brad-Dunse-Music/191788857382
>
> Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/braddunse
>
> MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/braddunse
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site:
> http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> stylist:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/neil.butters%40sympatico.ca
>
_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site:
http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for stylist:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/loristay%40aol.com
More information about the Stylist
mailing list