[stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
Donna Hill
penatwork at epix.net
Mon May 24 23:16:20 UTC 2010
Hi Paul,
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you survived and moved past
your gang affiliation. I never used a computer until 5 years ago, so I
understand what a challenge it can be.
I'm concerned about your interest in getting an editor. Yes, there are
online services which charge to do it, and you might even find a person
to do it for free or for a nominal fee. Regardless, I hope you will take
into account what you are giving up in doing so at this point. Learning
grammar and punctuation isn't that hard. Not doing so will leave you at
the mercy of others to interpret your meanings, your style and so on. If
you eventually get a publisher, you will have to submit to an editor's
influence. Nonetheless, it would be better for you as a writer to have
taken care of as much of the basics as you can before that point.
Your story itself is compelling, but you are presenting it in a way that
detracts from the power of it, in my opinion. One thing you do regularly
is to use long, run-on sentences. Sometimes, you put in commas which
can't be justified even if one allows for the run-on sentence use. I
have chosen two sentences that I would like to use to show you a few
things. I'm sorry I don't have more time to help you; I'm way behind on
my comments for work submitted on this list, but thought I'd take yours
out of order, since you're new. I hope you will accept my comments in
the spirit they are given. Take what you wish from them.
Block quote
With in milliseconds, I felt that cold bone chilling feeling, return to
my mind, and became in golfed with fear. As I looked at him
standing there, pointing that gun, directly at me, franticly I started
to turn away, my mind raced with uncertainty, and doubt, for my safety.
Block quote end
First, "Within is one word, not two -- something that should please you,
since keeping within word count standards is so important not only to
publishers but to you, if you self publish. Second, your first comma
after "Within milliseconds," is perfectly appropriate, but the next one
is flat out wrong grammatically. I assume you mean that you felt the
feeling return, but in placing a comma after "feeling," you are
suggesting that the following phrase is somehow separate from the first.
The comma before "and" is not necessary. This sentence has what is
called a compound predicate. In other words, there's one subject ("I")
and two verbs (things that are happening) -- you felt something and
became engulfed in fear. A comma is used to separate compound sentences
-- I felt a feeling, and I became engulfed in fear. A compound sentence
has a subject & verb/predicate with a conjunction like "and," "but" or
"or" followed by another subject and predicate. Both sides of it can
stand on their own as separate sentences. A comma is not used in a
sentence with a compound predicate, however. The next sentence similarly
has unnecessary and confusing commas, especially the ones after "gun"
and "uncertainty."
I would also point out the redundancy of saying that you felt a feeling.
You can drop one or both of these. My personal preference is brevity, so
I would re write the sentence without either. Also, both "uncertainty
and doubt have very similar meanings. Since you aren't making a
distinction about their specific meanings in this instance, I would drop
one.
I should point out that generally, in action scenes where the writer is
conveying a crisis, the rule of thumb is to use shorter sentences with
fewer descriptive words -- adjectives and adverbs. The nuts and bolts
convey more emotion and suspense, when the reader is not distracted with
unnecessary description. For instance, pointing a gun directly at you
doesn't really convey anything that pointing a gun at you doesn't
already convey. I am fond of a comment attributed to Mark Twain, the
father of the American novel and a journalist. He said something to the
effect that one should write and then go back and remove all adjectives
and adverbs. Then, re read the piece and put back those which are necessary.
Here is one possible re write, which may or may not express what you
have in mind.
"Within milliseconds, I was engulfed in bone-chilling fear. As I watched
him standing there pointing that gun at me, my mind raced with
uncertainty. I began to turn away."
My advice would be to check with Recording for the Blind, NLS and/or Bookshare for books about grammar. You don't do yourself any favors by using expressions like "have wrote" instead of "have written," even in a note. These kinds of grammatical mistakes can come in handy when you are writing dialog and want to convey the sense that the character is uneducated or using street slang deliberately, but I'm afraid the prejudice is generally to make the assumption that someone is ignorant.
Writing is a language art. As such, it is important to master the basics of grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. Language with its subtle differences in meanings and its many tools for communicating the depths of human experience is also beautiful, fascinating and fun. Yes, it's a lot of work. I'm writing a novel, and I've re read and edited it dozens of times and will continue to do so. It always shocks me when I find something that is wrong after re reading it so many times and not noticing, but that's what happens.
You have a lot to offer, and developing your language/writing skills can only help you succeed.
Best,
Donna
-- Read Donna's articles on Suite 101
http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
Free Download: "Love of My Life"
http://www.passionsandpossibilities.com/guest-blogger-donna-hill-advocate-for-the-blind/
Read my articles on American Chronicle:
http://www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
Follow me on Twitter:
www.twitter.com/dewhill
Join Me on LinkedIn:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
Or, FaceBook:
http://www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
Apple I-Tunes
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Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
www.padnfb.org
PAUL BAVER wrote:
> Hello Donna, my E-mail address is pebaver at verizon.net Donna my
> interest in writing has only became apparent since I retired in mid
> (2004) and for the first time in my life learned to use this computer.
> I am not very good with the many aspects of the computer world, and
> all of it's magnificent and wonderful things that it can do but I'm
> trying to learn something new every day. Yes I've lived a very
> fascinating, and on occasion a very self destructive self serving life
> with in those days a great deal of anger. I was born with (20-20)
> vision and managed to destroy it, along with much of my early years on
> Earth in only a short (15-years. I grew up on a farm, and at the age
> of (15) managed to become disenfranchised with life, and my family and
> became a want to be gang member which was very short lived. I belonged
> to that poor excuse of a gang for a very short three months, when I
> was shot by one of my own friends. there is a great deal more about my
> life that I have written about in a book that I wrote , and thus I
> wrote my true life story that tells all. I lived what I see as a very
> colorful life, most on the edge and somehow survived. It took about
> forty years after I was shot to get over myself. I have extensively
> traveled around the U.S.A. and If you are interested I have wrote
> about my traviles. I've also adopted my son and that's a book in it's
> self. My book is finished and my interest in this group is to not only
> make some new friends, but I'm looking for a person to edit my book. I
> am mostly self educated, although I did graduate from our local high
> school (Reading evening high school) I to date am the only blind
> student that has graduated from there. I'm just not very good with
> punctuation, or many of the other aspects of laying out chapters along
> with all of the other aspects of organizing a book, so there's why I
> need someone to help with editing. I'm attaching a little of my book
> with this E-mail please let me know what you think, and maybe you can
> send me in the Wright direction I look forward to hearing from you
> Paul E Baver.
> (Blind-Sighted)
>
> It would take,
>
> 40-+-years, to get over myself.
>
> Author P E Baver
>
> I heard him running up the steps, I stood and turned towards the
> bedroom doorway. There he stood, with a blank expression on his face,
> peering into the room, and at me with that look of total absence of
> any emotion, I was Stunned; to see him pointing that gun at me, his
> eyes, and face, had no expression, he just stood there, as though, he
> was in a trance. With in milliseconds, I felt that cold bone chilling
> feeling, return to my mind, and became in golfed with fear. As I
> looked at him standing there, pointing that gun, directly at me,
> franticly I started to turn away, my mind raced with uncertainty, and
> doubt, for my safety. Should I look for safety, is he really going to
> shoot me, or is he just playing with me. Fear and emotion in golfed
> me, I began feeling like a cornered rat, with my executioner, being
> held at bay. Turning to find safety, before I could say another word,
> he pulled the trigger. I lost all control of myself, confused with
> sudden darkness, and fear, I couldn't understand what just happened. I
> can't see, I can't see, screaming an expression of terror, and
> confusion, I can't see, oh my God, I can't see. The bullet struck
> with so much vengeance, power, and force, that it threw me back, and
> on to the floor. Oh God you shot me, why!, help me, I screamed over
> and over again, help me I can't see, I can't see a dam thing, oh my
> god, I can't see. Dear God, help me, please help me. Then without a
> word from him, I heard him running towards me, immediately I
> realized, he wasn't coming to help me, as he tried to force the gun,
> into my hand, begging me to kill him. Oh God, what was going thru that
> sick, deranged and angry mind of his, I didn't know just what would
> happen next, as I refused to take the gun, will he shoot me again, and
> finish me off. Oh; no, he was trying again to put the gun in my hand,
> trying to force me to take it, begging me to shoot him, he pleaded,
> shoot me, kill me. your out of your mind I screamed Oh; God, I can't
> see what's wrong, what's wrong, please don't shoot again, help me.
> Please get some help, please, call an ambulance, you shot me, why,
> why, oh dear God why!. Reaching up to my face, trying to regain some
> composure, I felt blood draining from my head, as I somewhat sat up,
> the blood drained on to my hands, and threw my fingers, onto my shirt,
> and pants, and on to the floor. There was such severe numbness in my
> head I couldn't feel my face, all I could feel was blood oozing from
> my face, wet sticky blood draining from my body. As I was franticly
> Screaming, I heard the front door slam shut, he was gone, he shot me,
> and left me to die, why, why, I sat there on the floor stunned, and
> shaking with fear, why, I couldn't stop thinking why!. I can't die
> like this I thought , I just don't want to die, oh god no. Crawling to
> the steps, fearing I would fall down them, I turned, and crawled down
> backwards. I pictured in my mind, On the bottom step, there is that
> phone sitting there in it's own solitude, waiting for me, was this
> why; it looked so obviously out of place to me that morning. There's
> the phone, oh God, there it is, reaching out with blood dripping from
> my face, I touched it, with my bloody hands, Get help, I kept
> thinking, help would be at zero on the dial, that was the key for me
> to get help. There it was, that sound of the siren blaring, it was the
> most beautiful sound in the whole World. Mister, Mister, oh god, help
> me, he shot me, he shot me, oh God, he shot me. Help me please Mister,
> please help me, please help me, I'm afraid to die. I don't want to
> die, why, I screamed, why!.! Within days I would pray to God, and the
> Devil himself to take my life, realizing that I would be blind
> forever, I, didn't want to live blind, or with my heart turned to
> stone. Although, time did heal me and took from me most all of my
> daemons, anger, and life's losses.
>
> Welcome to my painful, and self imposed destructive journey threw
> life. This journey is one that I feel privileged, to still be alive to
> share with anyone. Writing about This was a very difficult process,
> and reliving all of the pane and memories, are very painful. My life
> very early on in my youth, would become filled with more demons, and
> anger, then one child or man should ever have in a lifetime, and still
> be given the privilege to survive. as I open this door of my life to
> the World, and expose my deep inner complexities, that envelop my very
> existence, I'll for the first time in my life, expose those very
> tragic events, with a great deal of sole searching humility. I'll
> describe in detail, Some of those deep rooted painful events, that
> would become the demons that would attach themselves to my very sole.
> Then I'll try to explain just how difficult it was for me, to crash
> into not one brick wall, but many of them, yes and unimaginably, of my
> own free will by my own misguided arrogance for life. As difficult as
> it was I did fully recover, from those tragedies, and from my self
> destructive, quest for self defeat. I'll then explain more in detail
> the difficulties of forgiving myself In my quest, to make peace with
> myself. I'll make a concerted effort to show the reader just how hard
> it really was, to forgive myself, and others. This journey would take
> a lifetime, and many times almost destroyed me, and in many ways did
> destroy my Mothers life. I've done a lot of sole searching, preparing
> to write this story, which would include, examining more of those
> daemons in my life that were haunting me, there are more demons, then
> I ever thought about facing, or ever wanted to look at. I think the
> hardest part of writing this true story was, opening up the door of
> self examination, and to personally admit my short comings. as I do
> all of the deep and necessary sole searching for a way to dispose of
> those daemons, there were some issues, that were easy to resolve, and
> some deep rooted ones, that weren't easy to except, or face. Today I
> do have all of the peace that any man could expect in his life, and
> yes I'm very happy these days, I think that this journey allowed me to
> coin a fraise, I tell most people, when they ask me how I'm doing. I
> reply with, (if I were doing any better, I'd think I died, and went
> to heaven". This happiness never would have been possible, if not for
> many persevering family members, and friends with a great deal of love
> for me, like my, Mother, Grand Mother, Grand Father, an absolutely
> perfect friend Dennis G Reiner, and the numerous friends along the
> way, along with living in the greatest Country in the entire World, I
> live in America, with freedom of choice, and the privilege to love God.
>
> Today is (01-01-2009). Each, and every year, at Christmas, as I have
> for as long as I can remember, I have received, a Christmas card from
> a friend, that I have had from the time that I was a school age young
> man. I grew up in Stone town Pennsylvania, in the Country, the few
> friendships I managed to acquire, as a small child, living on a farm,
> were very important to me, because there just weren't a lot of
> children that were my age, and farm life, was such, that I was usually
> very involved with farm chores, and loving my Grand parents. Most
> friendships, began at our country Sunday School, a nondenominational
> Church, that almost everyone attended most Sundays. At that Sunday
> School, is where a great deal of my values were found, along with the
> family values that my Grand parents instilled in me, after Sunday
> School was over, there was time to make friends, as we would walk
> home, we'd laugh and joke on the way, like all children do. At that
> Sunday school was where, friendships were made, some are lasting, and
> some faded away, like life itself. I will admit also, I didn't find a
> need for a lot of friends, because in those days, on the farm, I had
> all of the attention that I needed, and interacting with others,
> seamed to have a commitment, that I didn't understand, or need. This
> particular friendship, has always been a very special one to me,
> because my friend Ruth Waldman Opperman, hasn't ever to this day,
> forgotten her friend Paul, her concern, and friendship, has given me
> inspiration, and hope, so many times, over the years. This year she
> suggested to me, that I should write about my life, knowing Ruth as I
> do, I feel that her sincerity, and encouragement, has inspired me in
> the past, and still does, I value her opinion, as I do my friend
> Denny's. As her card was read to me, I thought, why not?, yes!, why
> not?. Along with Ruth's encouragement, There is that great man, Dennis
> G Reiner, who has also been more then just a friend, he's been like a
> brother to me, for now (43 plus years), who has also encouraged, and
> inspired me to write about my life, a lot over the years. So here I am
> giving it a shot, just where this writing will go I have no idea, but
> if a true friend is interested in hearing about my life in detail,
> then just maybe you the reader of this real life tragedy, and success,
> will also enjoy my story.
>
> 49-years and 17 days ago, my life was changed forever, I may never
> have all of my answers I ask for, but I'm trying, to find the balance
> of a peace with in myself. I'm not sure, just how this will all play
> out. It seams the more questions I get answered, the more questions I
> have that need answers. The more answers I get the more questions I
> have, and the less I understand. I have a long time ago, resolved in
> my mind one fact of life. Some questions pertaining to my life should
> never be; asked., because if, I were to ask those questions, I may
> hear some things that I'm not ready to hear, or asking those
> questions, may open the door to many, many, more questions, that I may
> not want to hear the answers to. Thus I will never get them answered.
> I work very hard at remembering a lesson, I learned a very long time
> ago, (every action, has a reaction, every misguided deed, has a
> consequence).
>
> In my quest for answers to the questions, that I want answers to, I'll
> do my very best, to give answers truthfully, and as detailed as
> possible. there will be exceptions pertaining to some of the
> questions, that you the reader may ask. I don't think that I need to
> know anymore of those things, that may bring anymore pane into my
> life, so I have no answers to those questions, Nor do I want to ask
> them. I truly feel, at this point in my life, I have no desire, to
> know anymore answers, to anymore questions that will only cloud my
> ability to move on, anymore then it already has. I'll leave those
> answers up to you the reader to answer, in what ever way the reader
> demes appropriate. The next quote, is one that I wish I would have
> learned many years ago, the three R's, in this quote, are the
> foundation, that we all can build our lives on.
>
> "Remember the three R's:
>
> Respect for yourself;
>
> Respect for others;
>
> take Responsibility for all of your actions".
>
> Personally I've found a great deal of peace in that quote, and use it
> as my foundation for Daly life.
>
>
>
> ( Was I an Accident looking for a place to happen)
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, May 22, 2010 9:21 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
>
>
>> Hi Paul,
>> Welcome to Stylist, and thanks so much for your insight about ranges.
>> Sounds like you've had a fascinating career. I've passed your
>> comments on to my friend.
>>
>> What is your interest in writing? I am a retired singer-songwriter,
>> now writing nonfiction articles for the online magazines Suite 101
>> and American Chronicle. I'm also finishing up my first novel, a
>> fantasy called "The Heart of Applebutter Hill."
>>
>> Hope to hear more from you. BTW, your e-mail address doesn't show up
>> on my copy of your post on this list, so I couldn't honor your
>> request to pass it on. I know some lists show member's e-mails, but I
>> don't think Stylist ever has.
>> Donna
>>
>> Donna's articles on Suite 101:
>> http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
>>
>> Free Download: "Love of My Life"
>> http://www.passionsandpossibilities.com/guest-blogger-donna-hill-advocate-for-the-blind/
>>
>>
>> Read my articles on American Chronicle:
>> http://www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
>>
>> Follow me on Twitter:
>> www.twitter.com/dewhill
>>
>> Join Me on LinkedIn:
>> http://www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
>>
>> Or, FaceBook:
>> http://www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
>>
>> Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
>> http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>>
>> Apple I-Tunes
>>
>> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374
>>
>>
>> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>> www.padnfb.org
>>
>>
>>
>> PAUL BAVER wrote:
>>> Hello Donna, I've just joined the stylist group, I'm a retired food
>>> service/Caterer /restaurateur , and am totally blind I just
>>> purchased a Whirlpool Glass top stove, with knobs to turn off and on
>>> the burners, I've found that this model, and many of the glass tops,
>>> have a slightly razed area where the burners are located I can
>>> usually find the correct spot to place my pot, before I turn the
>>> burner on. The oven controls are still touch panel buttons, but are
>>> made in such a way that the only thing I haven't concord is changing
>>> the temperature , although I really don't change the temperature
>>> very often because I cook at (350-) and rarely change that setting.
>>> I had a (L.G.) glass top that I didn't like at all, it was my first
>>> experience with a glass top stove, and it was very difficult to use,
>>> a small bit of advice only use the recommended cleaner on the glass
>>> top, and never use any abrasive metal scrubbers. I hope this helps
>>> your friend, you can give her my E-mail address for more info. Paul
>>> E Baver
>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
>>> To: <nfbp-talk at yahoogroups.com>; "Writer's Division Mailing List"
>>> <stylist at nfbnet.org>; "Performing Arts Division list"
>>> <perform-talk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 11:37 AM
>>> Subject: [stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
>>>
>>>
>>>> Hi Friends,
>>>> I have a friend in South Carolina who has lost enough vision that
>>>> she can't use the touch-screen pads on the new electric ranges. Her
>>>> stove needs replacing, and I wonder if any of you have any
>>>> information about something that would work for her. I use electric
>>>> as well, but our stove is older, and fortunately not having any
>>>> problems.
>>>>
>>>> Any info on or off list would be appreciated.
>>>> Thanks much,
>>>> Donna Hill
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Donna's articles on Suite 101:
>>>> http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
>>>>
>>>> Free Download: "Love of My Life"
>>>> http://www.passionsandpossibilities.com/guest-blogger-donna-hill-advocate-for-the-blind/
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Read my articles on American Chronicle:
>>>> http://www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
>>>>
>>>> Follow me on Twitter:
>>>> www.twitter.com/dewhill
>>>>
>>>> Join Me on LinkedIn:
>>>> http://www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
>>>>
>>>> Or, FaceBook:
>>>> http://www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
>>>>
>>>> Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
>>>> http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>>>>
>>>> Apple I-Tunes
>>>>
>>>> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>>> www.padnfb.org
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
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>
>
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