[stylist] synopsis

[Joe Orozco]

Consider clarifying the point of view.  Start by referring to Jennifer as
Jennifer rather than as "she," because I was at least a little confused when
her mother came into the picture.

Also, the following paragraph is the point of view of her foster mother,
which seems a little out of place considering the rest of those opening
paragraphs are the point of view of Jennifer.  The paragraph reads:

*"Her foster mother stayed with Jennifer the entire day.  While walking to
her car later she remembered the strange messenger who delivered the only
two surviving items from Jennifer's parents a few months earlier.  After she
accepted the two items, a small book and paper written in a foreign language
with non-English characters, she ran to the window to watch him drive away.
She thought about how freaked she was when no car appeared on the driveway
or street and there was no man walking away from the house.  Now Jennifer
survived what should have been a deadly accident.  She wished she knew the
real story behind her foster daughter."*

I think you're fixed on inserting some level of suspense here, but for me at
least, it's not really working.  I would chalk it up to a strange delivery
and leave it at that.  Let the novel itself elaborate the scene.

Otherwise, it's good.

Best,

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves,
some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing