[stylist] Writing sample

[Judith Bron]

Joe, Just because you are writing about teens, that doesn't limit your 
audience to the same age group.  By all means make the dialogue believeable 
coming from the mouth of a teen, but bear in mind that you define your 
audience by plot, age appropriateness of the plot and characters and 
language you use.  Judith
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2010 6:01 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Writing sample


> Bridgit,
>
> Alas, you touched on my biggest fear!  In college one of my fellow writing
> workshop classmates said my writing came off as too smarmy for the 
> scenarios
> and characters I painted.  He said I would probably be okay if I stuck 
> with
> adult people in my plots but that I would probably suck at writing for
> younger audiences because my narrator's voice went one way while the story
> went another.  Hahaha, if I didn't have thick skin I would have probably
> sucked my thumb, found a happy place and never written again, but you're
> right.  This is something I need to refine in this story for sure.  I'm 
> glad
> you picked up on it and pointed it out.
>
> Best,
>
> Joe
>
> "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves,
> some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
> [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit Pollpeter
> Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2010 4:07 PM
> To: stylist at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [stylist] Writing sample
>
> Joe,
>
> First, the dialogue flows just fine, and you keep the dialogue realistic
> for your characters.
>
> I question, though, if your narrator's voice in the exposition contrast
> too much with the situation of the piece.  At times, your narrator uses
> words like brazen and argueably, and I think the narration, at times, is
> not meshing with the tone and voice of the characters and their life.
>
> One more thing, I know this is just a sample, but bring the tension in
> the first few sentences.  We need to know right out the gate what is at
> stake here.  We need to know that these aren't just regular high school
> kids, they are gang members.  That tension needs to be present
> immediately.
>
> Good writing though.  I am curious as to where this is going.
>
> Bridgit
>
>
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