[stylist] Writing sample

[Robert Leslie Newman]

I am so happy that we have several of you - us - all that can do the type of
read and critical analysis and recommendation as we've seen in assistance to
any of us who submit our work to this list. Thank you all for this - we are
doing what the Division and this list is all about 


-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Joe Orozco
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2010 5:01 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Writing sample

Bridgit,

Alas, you touched on my biggest fear!  In college one of my fellow writing
workshop classmates said my writing came off as too smarmy for the scenarios
and characters I painted.  He said I would probably be okay if I stuck with
adult people in my plots but that I would probably suck at writing for
younger audiences because my narrator's voice went one way while the story
went another.  Hahaha, if I didn't have thick skin I would have probably
sucked my thumb, found a happy place and never written again, but you're
right.  This is something I need to refine in this story for sure.  I'm glad
you picked up on it and pointed it out.

Best,

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves,
some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit Pollpeter
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2010 4:07 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] Writing sample

Joe,

First, the dialogue flows just fine, and you keep the dialogue realistic for
your characters.

I question, though, if your narrator's voice in the exposition contrast too
much with the situation of the piece.  At times, your narrator uses words
like brazen and argueably, and I think the narration, at times, is not
meshing with the tone and voice of the characters and their life.

One more thing, I know this is just a sample, but bring the tension in the
first few sentences.  We need to know right out the gate what is at stake
here.  We need to know that these aren't just regular high school kids, they
are gang members.  That tension needs to be present immediately.

Good writing though.  I am curious as to where this is going.

Bridgit


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