[stylist] Danielle's story

[Danielle Montour]

Hi,
I haven't received this advice from anyone else, so I was 
wondering what you mean by this, and what I should do instead.

Danielle

----- Original Message -----
From: loristay <loristay at aol.com
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Wed, 13 Oct 2010 09:26:54 -0400
Subject: [stylist] Danielle's story

Hi, Danielle
It seems to me the story would benefit by putting it into active 
voice (in other words, get rid of the "you would have..."), since 
it is a battlefield story.
Just my take.
Lori