[stylist] Danielle's story

Thu Oct 14 16:45:21 UTC 2010

Hi, Danielle

To answer your question, I had to retrieve your story.
I don't want to rewrite it, but I'll give you a couple of examples of how to convert passive voice to active voice.
1)  On the Battlefield that day in 1778, the battle cry rang out, and the sound of soldiers charging heralded the blood of fellow troops and enemies becoming one, soaking the earth from every wounded soldier lying upon it.

2) The sounds of guns and muskets shooting at anything and everything; mindless forces fighting as if they were soldiers themselves.

As you see, this does eliminate the use of the second person, the "You would have heard" part.  It also makes it more immediate.
If you want to leave the "you," then you can bring it into the present tense:  ...You hear the sound of charging feet...  It's still immediate, but it's no longer passive.
I hope this idea is helpful.  When I initially read the story, I did not know your age.  You have a distinctive voice for a beginning writer.  I'd hate to tell you what my writing was like when I was thirteen.  Thanks for sharing this story.
Lori

On Oct 11, 2010, at 11:10:13 PM, "Danielle Montour" <dannivoiceangel333 at gmail.com> wrote:

From:	"Danielle Montour" <dannivoiceangel333 at gmail.com>
Subject:	Re: [stylist] stylist Digest, Vol 78, Issue 17
Date:	October 11, 2010 11:10:13 PM EDT
To:	"Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Hi
Here is my short story, Warrior. I know I have some things to 
do, however, I'm going to fix them all at
once.

Enjoy

Danielle

Warrior
by Danielle Montour

If you were at the battlefield that day in 1778, you would 
have heard a battle cry sound and soldiers charge, as the 
blood of fellow troops and enemies become one, soaking the 
earth, coming from every wounded soldier lying upon it. You 
would have heard the guns and muskets shooting, shooting at 
anything and everything; mindless forces fighting as if they 
were soldiers themselves. Sensory soldiers alongside every 
human soldier on the battlefield.

All men are fighting for everything they've ever lived for, 
for everything their children will live for and pass down 
generations to their grandchildren. You may have seen a 
number of brave men killed that morning; the most violent 
attack in several months directed toward the Boston. You 
may have also seen a little girl, only at the tender age of 
nine walking on to the field, in search of something.

What she was in search of, no one had a clue. She dodged 
the guns and muskets for a while, as they all whizzed 
dangerously close by her. The girl's eyes seemed to be 
blindly searching for something but seeing nothing. You may 
have seen her lean forward, towards the sound of a man's 
voice. It seemed to be familiar to er, as if she had known 
for a long time. She started walking slowly towards the 
voice barely avoiding being hit by bullets and soldiers 
alike as they seemed to be flung from their steeds.

As she came closer, it seemed that her streaks of not being 
shot by something seemed to end, and with a sickening crack 
and a trilling scream, the girl fell to the blood soaked 
earth and gave way to unconsciousness.

You would see her body fighting for its life, trying to 
breathe, trying to keep her heart beating. You would see 
that now the man who she seemed to have been trying to find 
dropped his gun and made a headlong dash for the girl. He 
lifted her from the earth as a soldier took aim for one of 
the strongest fighters on the field and the girl in his 
arms. The shot made a sickening passage into his neck.

He tried to run, tried protect this young girl in his arms. 
Tried to protect her every being. He ran, lurched tripped 
toward the tents where he could lay her down and make sure 
she was safe.

As he got to the tents, he collapsed with the precious girl 
in his arms, and slipped into a deep coma.

The wounds took a toll on both of them; in the coming days 
both almost slipped into the black of death. However, the 
girl's wounds were not as bad as the man's. She awoke first 
to see her father in a deep, unaware sleep.

The girl drifted in and out of sleep, and if you were there, 
you would see her waiting, just waiting for the man to 
awaken.

Epilogue

A few days later, the man began to stir. His body became 
more aware, and he was gradually brought back to stable 
health. After approximately four years when he could talk, 
the girl went and visited him in the hospital. You would 
have heard her say, "You saved me, Daddy. You saved me."

He was soon released from the hospital and remembered by all 
of the nurses to tell the most tickling stories about his 
children, especially his daughter, you know...' the girl he 
saved.
----- Original Message -----
From: Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com
To: writers division <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 11 Oct 2010 21:15:37 -0500
Subject: Re: [stylist] stylist Digest, Vol 78, Issue 17

I know how to download attachments from Hotmail, but for some 
reason when there are attachments on Stylist, Hotmail does not 
recognize them. The email does not say it has an attachment, nor 
are there any links within the email for the attachment. Either 
something is screwy, or Hotmail, for some reason, is blocking the 
attachments.

Danielle,

I would love to read your story so if it isn't a problem, I would 
appreciate it if you could paste it into an email, or perhaps if 
you email me directly with the attachment, it would work.

Bridgit

From: stylist-request at nfbnet.org
Subject: stylist Digest, Vol 78, Issue 17
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2010 15:43:46 -0500

Send stylist mailing list submissions to
stylist at nfbnet.org

To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to
stylist-request at nfbnet.org

You can reach the person managing the list at
stylist-owner at nfbnet.org

When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more 
specific
than "Re: Contents of stylist digest..."

Today's Topics:

1. Trying to retrieve attachment (Bridgit Pollpeter)
2. Re: Trying to retrieve attachment (Danielle Montour)
3. Re: Sense of murder (James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR)

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----

Message: 1
Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2010 14:44:56 -0500
From: Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com
To: <stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] Trying to retrieve attachment
Message-ID: <BLU0-SMTP20550672354DDDADC2C792AC4530 at phx.gbl
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

Hey guys,

How can I retrieve Daniele's attachment? It does not show up on 
my
email as an attachment. There is no download link or anything 
similar.

Again, I'm the stupid one with technology! *smile*

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of stylist-request at nfbnet.org
Sent: Monday, October 11, 2010 12:00 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: stylist Digest, Vol 78, Issue 16

Send stylist mailing list submissions to
stylist at nfbnet.org

To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to
stylist-request at nfbnet.org

You can reach the person managing the list at
stylist-owner at nfbnet.org

When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more 
specific than
"Re: Contents of stylist digest..."

Today's Topics:

1. Re: Essential Office Tools (Jewel S.)
2. Re: Essential Office Tools (Jewel S.)
3. Re: Essential Office Tools (BDM)
4. Re: Essential Office Tools (Robert Leslie Newman)
5. Short story: warrior (Danielle Montour)
6. Re: Short story: warrior (Joe Orozco)
7. Re: Short story: warrior (Chris Kuell)

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----

Message: 1
Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2010 14:08:28 -0400
From: "Jewel S." <herekittykat2 at gmail.com
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [stylist] Essential Office Tools
Message-ID:
<AANLkTi=WvOJAYn=4EweVndQWJVo5qXAmd6PZSmS65uch at mail.gmail.com
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

One thing. If you're looking for a fully accessible computer 
planner
and/or alarm clock, do a Google search for DaybyDay Planning 
Calendar.
This calendar costs about $40 (and you can put it on two 
computers),
allows for multiple users, has an address book and reminder 
alerts
(alarms), goes from I think 400 A.D. (<_< Yes, I checked...I 
wanted to
know!) to past 2400 (that's as far in the future as I went, but 
it kept
going!). So, this calendar could also be sued by historians to 
keep
track of a timeline, or for a history student to do the same. 
In the
present time, it is very useful too! You use very basic hotkeys 
(CTRL+A
is to add a note, CTRL+D is to go to the Delete menu options, 
etc). You
can move by day, week, month, or year, so for example, I wanted 
to put
in birthdays, and I put them in for 2010, then moved by year and 
added
them each year for like 10 years! I'm not going to have to worry 
about
not knowing when birthdays are for a whole decade now!

This program is usable with Windows (I don't know about Mac). 
It is
compatible with JAWS and WindowEyes (I think that's what the 
other one
is called?). It is also partially compatible with NVDA (the 
address book
edit fields don't tell you what each one is for, and you have to 
tab
onto the date to read it, but otherwise, I've not seen any 
problems
using DaybyDay with NVDA, and I do it every day). This planning 
calendar
is amazing and fully accessible, having been designed by a 
totally
blind programmer. I definitely recommend it!

The same programmer (just look on the website for DaybyDay) has 
other
programs, including a clock program that is fully accessible 
(since it's
made by th e same totally blind programmer). It can do alarms 
(I don't
know what the limit is, it's too large...I tried, and didn't 
reach the
limit!), and has a really cool feature that I loved when I 
wasn't at my
computer (it's too loud when I am at the computer). You can set 
it to
speak the time, yes, but I much prefer the Big Ben choice. On 
the hour,
it does the full song and a chime per hour (1:00, 1 chime, and 
so on).
You can tell it if you want it to go off on the half hour and 
quarter
hours or not, also. It can do a short chime on the quarter 
hours, and a
longer chime on the half hour, but you can turn these off if you 
don't
want them. I have found that a grandfather clock on my computer
reminding me of the time while I'm reading is great, because 
then I
notice, hey it's 7pm, time to get dinner ready or such like 
that.

other office tools I find essential.
-A handheld massager from Bookstone. This little vibrator is 
very
compact, easy to stick in a desk drawer and very light. It runs 
on two
double-A batteries, and has a single setting. Because my 
muscles are so
sensitive, this single setting is perfect for me, as it has a 
light
touch. It works great when you sat at the computer too long and 
strained
your neck. The curvature of the device means it will even sit 
on your
shoulder if you place it right, and work hands-free, so you can 
keep
working! -An index card box. It's a little box made of plastic 
with a
flap that snaps down (some nicer ones have a zipper or a snap 
latch). I
keep a stylus in there with the index cars and a Jannus (sp?) 
slate
nearby. If I need to take a note (someone's address, phone 
number, where
so-and-so left my papers, or what this book sitting in front of 
me is
that I need to scan). I write up the note, and the notes for 
the book
get put on with tape or a paperclip (hardback versus paperback), 
and the
addresses, phone numbers, and little notes like that can go in 
an open
box on the desk to be sorted at the end of the day. An 
important
notecard could be taped to the bottom of the keyboard at the 
frong,
where it'll stick out and I'll touch it every time I type. 
Another
location for notes like this is hanging from the underside of 
the desk
at the frong. Every time you sit down, you're likely to brush 
against
them. No more out of sight, out of mind to worry about! -My 
desk doesn't
have a drawer for stuff, just for the computer, so I have a 
fabric box
on the top of my desk for stuff (a nice looking one from Ikea). 
It holds
tape dispenser, paperclip jar, rubber band jar, scissors, 
hole-puncher
(one- and three-hole), , slate (the regular size one, not the 
Jannus
slate, since the Jannus stays out for quick grab), a jar with 
extra
styli (you never know!), extra packets of index cards, stamps, a 
few
pens and pencils and a highlighter for other people to use, 
twist ties
for cords and cables, Krammer abacus, talking calculator, and a 
few
other items I can't remember...oh yea, gum! Gotta have gum.

Then, when I need something, I just stick my hand in, feel 
around for
the right shape and grab. Everything's a different shape and 
texture, so
I can grab quickly. -Bumpdots and circle felt stickers. I have 
found
these to be essential, not just for labelling. If I'm reading a 
Braille
document and I want to 'highlight' something, I put a small 
circle felt
dot sticker right before the beginning and end of what I want
highlighted. if I'm reading a magazine that I know I won't read 
all the
articles in (say , for example, PC World [which I don't get]), I 
can put
a felt circle or small bumpdot next to the articles in the table 
of
contents that I want to come back to and read).

That's all I can think of for now...

On 10/10/10, BDM <lists at braddunsemusic.com> wrote:
Joe,

These are my few essential items:

1. File Management: I'm not afraid to create folders on my 
computer,
and try to maintain them in a very organized manner. . I find 
the
need to clean house once and a while when in a hurry creating 
and
though it takes a little time, I take it.

2. Digital Recorder: A super help is a digital recorder, my 
electronic

brain, my notepad of sourts. I have two of these. One cheaper 
one I
bought for like $40 which is an Olympus model and is easy to use 
with
no speech menus. I use it to keep numbers on the fly, notes 
about my
business on the fly, I use it like an inventory sheet in my 
business
marking down what I need where, I use it for anything I don't 
wish to
forget or need to mark down in a hurry. I'll use it to mark 
down song
titles, lines, melodies, etc. as well on the fly. The other 
one I have

is a more expensive Olympus one that records in WAV format if 
you
wish. I use it as both a computer microphone at times as well 
to note
songs I'm working on, record conferences, live song evaluations, 
and
etc. I couldn't live without one these days. A note that if 
you have
a Victor Stream you can also use it for audio recorded notes 
too. I've

also used the Stream to serve as note promptors when doing a 
class on
songwriting. I made a txt file of my notes and put it on the 
Stream
and covertly used a ear bud as a promptor. I similarly use my 
digital
recorder as my set list promptor on long gigs of two hours or 
more.
Everyone thinks its a sound system ear monitor :).

3. Day Timer: Probably one of my biggest things is my day 
timer.
Anytime I need to be reminded of something, an appointment, a 
special
day or To Do item, I'll enter it in there, have it remind me 
ahead of
time and even send me an email as well pop an alert on my 
screen. It
keeps my contacts, notes and details for my address book or To 
Do
items and everything else. It has calendar, address book, 
expense
view, glances or views by day, week, month, year and other 
stuff, some

not accessible but I don't use them anyway so that's cool. The
program is one that use to be supported by Jaws, no longer 
formally is

but it still works if you have the old scripts. It is Anytime
Organizer. I will say the latest version I had tried, version 
13, did
not agree with my system and I am running version 12 which works 
great

and I will probably not change unless major tweaks are made from 
my
version. Though I've found their customer service to be 
atrocious, I
still love the program and it is one of which that has kept me 
from
converting to a Mac, which I am yet seriously considering. I 
just need

to find a Mac anser to this and be open minded to a different, 
yet
free screen reader :). I also occasionally use a free and 
fairly
accessible program called Alarm Clock By Terry. It serves as a
countdown timer as well an alarm clock on board. It is pretty
accessible. I looked forever to find one that wasn't totally 
graphical

and it wasnt' easy. This one has a couple buttons not labeled 
but
other than that its fine.

4. Braille Tags: I am not a big Braille reader, I have trouble 
falling

asleep trying to read it for any length of time , but I do use 
it
around the office. I use old business cards I have and make 
notes to
print papered items if I just need to file or otherwise deal 
with
them.

5. Clips: One last thing I'll mention since I use to use this 
and it
worked great the way I was running my business/office then. I 
bought
some of those paper clips that from a profile view are shaped 
like a

triangle and have two foldable wire handles on them. You can 
afix
Braille dymo tape numbers to them. I'd have my reader go 
through and
read a certain mail item or papered item on to a digital 
recorder
starting off "Item #1:" and proceed to read it. This way I 
could go
and file or attend to it later when I had time and not pay 
someone to
do that for me.

Hope that helps.

Brad

At 09:16 AM 10/10/2010, Joe Orozco wrote:
Dear all,

I'm curious about what people think are the essential office 
tools for

writers who are blind. Our sighted counterparts keep notepads, 
paper

files, bulletin boards and all manner of things to keep things
organized and spread
out through their office. Last year when I switched jobs and 
took one
where
I have the luxury of working from home, I was a little pleased 
and
somewhat
disappointed to realize that the two main information storage 
devices
I
needed was a laptop and an external hard drive. I recently 
invested
in an
embosser for those times when I'd like to be able to read hard 
copy,
but I
somehow don't see pasting Braille stickies on a board as all that
productive, out of sight is out of mind and so forth. The 
trouble
with
working primarily from home is that the work is always there.
Similarly,
working out of a single laptop makes it seem as though my work 
has
never
really disappeared after 6:00 PM. I suppose I should accepted 
when my
office tried to buy me a Mac. It's not too late, but I'm not 
ready to
explore a new operating system. So what do you use to keep 
things
compartmentalized and organized in your office? Any tips and 
tricks
would
be appreciated. I'm reading this time-management book and want 
to see
if
there's a different way of arranging my information to boost 
general
productivity. Thanks much in advance.

Best,

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their
sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at
all."--Sam Ewing

_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site: http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
<http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/

stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info 
for
stylist:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/lists%40
bradd
unsemusic.com

__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus
signature database 5518 (20101009) __________

The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.

http://www.eset.com

Brad Dunse

Check out my blog at: http://www.braddunsemusic.com

E Mail: brad at braddunsemusic.com

Website: http://www.braddunsemusic.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1464323555

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/braddunse

MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/braddunse

_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site: http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
<http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/

stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account 
info for
stylist:

http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/herekitt
ykat2
%40gmail.com

--
~Jewel
Check out my blog about accessibility for the blind!
Treasure Chest for the Blind: 
http://blindtreasurechest.blogspot.com

------------------------------

Message: 2
Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2010 14:08:59 -0400
From: "Jewel S." <herekittykat2 at gmail.com
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [stylist] Essential Office Tools
Message-ID:
<AANLkTik6zXXXjKXkLgcsJ_BrLwcg=Twp9=HNo5kAjY_8 at mail.gmail.com
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1