[stylist] question about word usage

Judith Bron jbron at optonline.net
Sat Oct 16 23:51:01 UTC 2010 

I added spooked back in.  Thanks, Judith
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 10:26 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage


> Then perhaps spooked does work, especially with the details that you added 
> in later posts.  ...  Yes!  When I saw the added details, I thought, 
> "Yeah, spooked really does seem to work there."
> Barbara
>
> ...
> Yesterday is
> A path well-trod,
> A familiar lane
> Through sacred sod,
> A road we travel
> Too often, I fear,
> For there are the good times
> When things are hard here,
> ...
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 3:02 PM
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>
>> The guy disappearing is supposed to be creepy.  Can you imagine the guy 
>> just disappearing into thin air?  That was the whole point behind this 
>> character who only has a brief part in the novel.  It's one more mystery 
>> surrounding Jennifer and the letter.  Judith
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 3:32 PM
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>>
>>
>>>I think that sounds better than spooked.  I mean, someone just 
>>>disappearing into nothingness is kind of creepy.  I had that happen to me 
>>>once and it was very unsettling.
>>> Barbara
>>>
>>> ...
>>> Yesterday is
>>> A path well-trod,
>>> A familiar lane
>>> Through sacred sod,
>>> A road we travel
>>> Too often, I fear,
>>> For there are the good times
>>> When things are hard here,
>>> ...
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 10:06 AM
>>> To: <jsorozco at gmail.com>; "Writer's Division Mailing List" 
>>> <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>>>
>>>> Hi Joe, Appalled means angry.  Why should she be angry?  It was a 
>>>> normal day when the stranger knocked or rang the bell.  Here is what I 
>>>> came up with. I'm interested in your reaction.
>>>>
>>>> On her way to the car Sheila thought about the little book with an 
>>>> inserted paper delivered a few months earlier by a strange man.  He had 
>>>> said, "Mrs. Hamilton, I'm a lawyer representing a family that perished 
>>>> in the holocaust. This little packet containing a small book and paper 
>>>> were given to me to deliver to you for Jennifer Rabinowitz.  They are 
>>>> left by her parents.  It should be presented to her on her seventeenth 
>>>> birthday. Please don't tell Jennifer or your husband about this 
>>>> meeting. A good day to you."  The man left the house and she ran to the 
>>>> front window to watch him drive away.  But no car appeared on the 
>>>> driveway or street. There was no man walking away from the house.  She 
>>>> felt her blood run cold.  She ran to her bedroom without looking at the 
>>>> little packet and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>
>>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>>> From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com>
>>>> To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 9:37 AM
>>>> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> Hi Judith,
>>>>>
>>>>> Your sentence reads:
>>>>>
>>>>> Totally spooked, she ran to her bedroom without looking at the little 
>>>>> packet
>>>>> and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>>
>>>>> Option 1:
>>>>>
>>>>> She was unsettled.  She ran to her bedroom without looking at the 
>>>>> little
>>>>> packet and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>>
>>>>> Option 2:
>>>>>
>>>>> Appalled, she ran to her bedroom without looking at the little packet 
>>>>> and
>>>>> placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>>
>>>>> The problem with word usage in this sentence is that the character 
>>>>> runs to
>>>>> her bedroom.  "Spooked," "appalled" or any other such descriptive word 
>>>>> means
>>>>> she is at least temporarily shocked, and shocked people aren't likely 
>>>>> to
>>>>> dart first to the window and then to the bedroom.  The actions seem a 
>>>>> little
>>>>> disjointed.  If the scene is supposed to be a flashback, I would spend 
>>>>> more
>>>>> time cultivating the setting.  Perhaps there was something about the
>>>>> visitor, the unusual time of day, something ominous about the way he 
>>>>> looked,
>>>>> something to make the reader feel just as perplexed by the visitor as 
>>>>> the
>>>>> character.
>>>>>
>>>>> I hope that helps.
>>>>>
>>>>> Best,
>>>>>
>>>>> Joe
>>>>>
>>>>> "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their 
>>>>> sleeves,
>>>>> some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>> [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Judith Bron
>>>>> Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2010 8:37 PM
>>>>> To: Stylist
>>>>> Subject: [stylist] question about word usage
>>>>>
>>>>> Here is a section from my novel "The Letter."  I use the phrase
>>>>> "Totally spooked" and wonder if there is something more
>>>>> appropriate that I should be using.  Any help would be most
>>>>> appreciated.  Thanks, Judith
>>>>>
>>>>> On her way to the car Sheila thought about the little book with
>>>>> an inserted paper delivered a few months earlier by a strange
>>>>> man.  He had said, "Mrs. Hamilton, I'm a lawyer representing a
>>>>> family that perished in the holocaust.  This little packet
>>>>> containing a small book and paper were given to me to deliver
>>>>> to you for Jennifer Rabinowitz.  They are left by her parents.
>>>>> It should be presented to her on her seventeenth birthday.
>>>>> Please don't tell Jennifer or your husband about this meeting.
>>>>> A good day to you."  The man left the house and she ran to the
>>>>> front window to watch him drive away.  But no car appeared on
>>>>> the driveway or street.  There was no man walking away from the
>>>>> house.  Totally spooked, she ran to her bedroom without looking
>>>>> at the little packet and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>
>>
>>
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>
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