[stylist] question about word usage

Sat Oct 16 02:26:32 UTC 2010

Then perhaps spooked does work, especially with the details that you added 
in later posts.  ...  Yes!  When I saw the added details, I thought, "Yeah, 
spooked really does seem to work there."
Barbara

...
Yesterday is
A path well-trod,
A familiar lane
Through sacred sod,
A road we travel
Too often, I fear,
For there are the good times
When things are hard here,
...

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 3:02 PM
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage

> The guy disappearing is supposed to be creepy.  Can you imagine the guy 
> just disappearing into thin air?  That was the whole point behind this 
> character who only has a brief part in the novel.  It's one more mystery 
> surrounding Jennifer and the letter.  Judith
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 3:32 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>
>
>>I think that sounds better than spooked.  I mean, someone just 
>>disappearing into nothingness is kind of creepy.  I had that happen to me 
>>once and it was very unsettling.
>> Barbara
>>
>> ...
>> Yesterday is
>> A path well-trod,
>> A familiar lane
>> Through sacred sod,
>> A road we travel
>> Too often, I fear,
>> For there are the good times
>> When things are hard here,
>> ...
>>
>> --------------------------------------------------
>> From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 10:06 AM
>> To: <jsorozco at gmail.com>; "Writer's Division Mailing List" 
>> <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>>
>>> Hi Joe, Appalled means angry.  Why should she be angry?  It was a normal 
>>> day when the stranger knocked or rang the bell.  Here is what I came up 
>>> with. I'm interested in your reaction.
>>>
>>> On her way to the car Sheila thought about the little book with an 
>>> inserted paper delivered a few months earlier by a strange man.  He had 
>>> said, "Mrs. Hamilton, I'm a lawyer representing a family that perished 
>>> in the holocaust. This little packet containing a small book and paper 
>>> were given to me to deliver to you for Jennifer Rabinowitz.  They are 
>>> left by her parents.  It should be presented to her on her seventeenth 
>>> birthday. Please don't tell Jennifer or your husband about this meeting. 
>>> A good day to you."  The man left the house and she ran to the front 
>>> window to watch him drive away.  But no car appeared on the driveway or 
>>> street. There was no man walking away from the house.  She felt her 
>>> blood run cold.  She ran to her bedroom without looking at the little 
>>> packet and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>> From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com>
>>> To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Friday, October 15, 2010 9:37 AM
>>> Subject: Re: [stylist] question about word usage
>>>
>>>
>>>> Hi Judith,
>>>>
>>>> Your sentence reads:
>>>>
>>>> Totally spooked, she ran to her bedroom without looking at the little 
>>>> packet
>>>> and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>
>>>> Option 1:
>>>>
>>>> She was unsettled.  She ran to her bedroom without looking at the 
>>>> little
>>>> packet and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>
>>>> Option 2:
>>>>
>>>> Appalled, she ran to her bedroom without looking at the little packet 
>>>> and
>>>> placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>>
>>>> The problem with word usage in this sentence is that the character runs 
>>>> to
>>>> her bedroom.  "Spooked," "appalled" or any other such descriptive word 
>>>> means
>>>> she is at least temporarily shocked, and shocked people aren't likely 
>>>> to
>>>> dart first to the window and then to the bedroom.  The actions seem a 
>>>> little
>>>> disjointed.  If the scene is supposed to be a flashback, I would spend 
>>>> more
>>>> time cultivating the setting.  Perhaps there was something about the
>>>> visitor, the unusual time of day, something ominous about the way he 
>>>> looked,
>>>> something to make the reader feel just as perplexed by the visitor as 
>>>> the
>>>> character.
>>>>
>>>> I hope that helps.
>>>>
>>>> Best,
>>>>
>>>> Joe
>>>>
>>>> "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their 
>>>> sleeves,
>>>> some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>> [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Judith Bron
>>>> Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2010 8:37 PM
>>>> To: Stylist
>>>> Subject: [stylist] question about word usage
>>>>
>>>> Here is a section from my novel "The Letter."  I use the phrase
>>>> "Totally spooked" and wonder if there is something more
>>>> appropriate that I should be using.  Any help would be most
>>>> appreciated.  Thanks, Judith
>>>>
>>>> On her way to the car Sheila thought about the little book with
>>>> an inserted paper delivered a few months earlier by a strange
>>>> man.  He had said, "Mrs. Hamilton, I'm a lawyer representing a
>>>> family that perished in the holocaust.  This little packet
>>>> containing a small book and paper were given to me to deliver
>>>> to you for Jennifer Rabinowitz.  They are left by her parents.
>>>> It should be presented to her on her seventeenth birthday.
>>>> Please don't tell Jennifer or your husband about this meeting.
>>>> A good day to you."  The man left the house and she ran to the
>>>> front window to watch him drive away.  But no car appeared on
>>>> the driveway or street.  There was no man walking away from the
>>>> house.  Totally spooked, she ran to her bedroom without looking
>>>> at the little packet and placed it with other papers in her dresser.
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>
>>>
>>>
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>
>
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