[stylist] My recent short Story

[Joe Orozco]

Interesting story.  I would dispense with the opener, but if you keep it, I
would keep it first person so as to avoid confusion.  I realize the
conclusion is also in the third person, but it flows better there than it
does at the beginning.  There are some grammatical and logistical flaws here
and there, but overall the writing is tidy, great use of detail.  In my
opinion, this is one of those pieces that will benefit from the one-tenth
rule where you delete one-tenth of the semi-final draft to make it that much
more polished.  Keep up the great work.

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves,
some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of kec92 at ourlink.net
Sent: Wednesday, October 27, 2010 12:21 AM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] My recent short Story


Hello, 

	Sorry I haven't been posting that much lately, but I've 
been busy
with writing a new short story and with my schoolwork.  I wanted
feedback on the short story that I wrote.  If you could give me
feedback, that would be great.  Thank you, 

	Katie Colton