[stylist] My recent short Story

[Chris Kuell]

Hey Katie,

This is an interesting story, but I think it's a little boring. This is  due 
to all the details you write about every movement. The reader wants 
something significant to happen, and details about which fingers she used to 
get her pills out, or how she put on her deodorant--these aren't important 
to the story, and should be cut to move the action along. Consider trimming 
out a lot of those mundane details, and add more of a flashback when she was 
in high school. Show the reader, rather than telling the reader, what 
happened that day when she wanted to explode. You might do something similar 
when she's cooking breakfast. Simply write--I went to the refrigerator for 
eggs and cheese, grabbed a pan and spatula and set about to making an 
omelette. The simmering eggs send up that earthy odor which always reminds 
me of Fall. And Dan... you get the idea. Also, watch out for repetitions. 
Several times you say the same thing twice, and should cut one of them.

Good luck with your edits,

chris