[stylist] my christmas story

[Ashley Bramlett]

Vejas,
It was short but too long for the email; over 1000 words.

Nice story. You write like I do with my personal stories. I just start at 
the beginning of day and walk the reader through the day's events.
You sure went through a lot with those grades.

I think your weak point is the ending. I just thought it ended abruptly. It 
could have been much longer, but I know you were just writing for the list 
and practice. I think when you have a few spare moments, write two or three 
paragraphs more. Tell us why Christmas day was so great. You said your 
mother made a good breakfast. Describe that, like the aroma, how your 
siblings liked it, etc. Then to conclude you said you liked your presents. 
No wonder. They sounded good for a teenage boy! Tell us a little more about 
the presents. You could say what thoughts went through your head as you 
opened the presents. Were you surprised? What was your favorite of the seven
Cds?

The last part as you tell us you loved Christmas morning and getting your 
presents sounded a bit rushed. Just adding description and dialogue will 
make it a better story and lead up to the conclusion which is you telling us 
you got these wonderful gifts.

Ashley
-----Original Message----- 
From: vejas
Sent: Thursday, December 08, 2011 9:44 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org ; Joey Ellis ; Daina Banzelite ; Ruta Banzelite ; 
Ryan Patel
Subject: [stylist] my christmas story

  Hi,
To Stylist members, I am sending this to my two friends and twin
cousins as well, in case you were wondering about the extra
contacts.
This story is not about the worst Christmas season either.  Or
the best.
It's about both.  At first I was going to do just the worst, but
I thought worst AND best would be the perfect creation.

Please, feel free to comment upon this.  It's short, but I hope
you'll enjoy it anyway.
I've attached it in Microsoft word in adition to pasting it here
in the document.
Oops-I think my story's too long for the e-mail.  Bridgit, since
you can't read attachments, I'll try sening a copy for you.
Actually, let me try one more time.
Oops-it won't take it.  I'll send your copy now.
Vejas






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