[stylist] show don't tell

[Robert Leslie Newman]

Chris great example. And to any of us who haven't yet mastered the "show,
don't' tell" style --- be encouraged, it is a new level for you as a writer
and story teller. Mastering The dimension of "showing," makes your
characters multi-dimensional! (I'm still working on my mastery of this
dimension of this aspect of our art.)



-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Chris Kuell
Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:15 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] show don't tell

Eve (and anyone else interested) -

Show, don't tell, is the number one rule for fiction writers. The best way
to illustrate it is through example:

Garey ate breakfast, then he took a shower and went to the store. At the
store he met a girl and they talked for a long time. Garey liked her but she
blew him off. Then he went home.

Tells you a lot about Garey, huh? Okay -- so this example is really
exaggerated, but it hits home the necessity of showing and not telling. What
can we do to fix it? We need more detail, especially dialogue and action. 
Consider:

Garey studied the frozen dinners. He'd had turkey for the last four days, so
salisbury steak would be good for a change. But did he want the Big Man's or
the regular?

A scent teased his nose. Not the overwhelming smell of fish and frostbite,
but a fresh smell, like skin just out of the shower. He glanced sideways and
saw the most perfect arm he'd ever seen in his life. Long, slender,
graceful, full of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. His eyes followed the arm
to the shoulder and then the head. Her head. A head covered with long blond
hair and containing a face that made his heart stop.

"Hi," she said, her voice rich and melodious.

Garey's mouth didn't work. He tried to return her greeting, but only a grunt
came out. He tried to smile politely, but his face erupted with a grin as
large and toothy and goofy as a cartoon character's . . .

See the difference? We need details. We need to know thoughts and  feelings.

We need to smell the perfume, taste the wine, feel the cashmere. Anything
less cheats the reader from experiencing your imaginary world.


chris


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