[stylist] show don't tell

[Brad Dunsé]

Great example Chris. Kind of makes me want to go 
shopping this afternoon haah.   There's an old 
song by one of my fav Sci Fi progressive rock 
bands with a song title that sums it up 
musically. Here's a clip of it. I couldn't help 
but include a little of the bass riffing in it 
lol, but maybe the title hook will  stick withus 
as a musical reminder. http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17921544/ShowTell.m3u

It ought pull up on your default mp3 player.

Brad


On 12/10/2011  11:15 PM Chris Kuell said...
>Eve (and anyone else interested) -
>
>Show, don't tell, is the number one rule for 
>fiction writers. The best way to illustrate it is through example:
>
>Garey ate breakfast, then he took a shower and 
>went to the store. At the store he met a girl 
>and they talked for a long time. Garey liked her 
>but she blew him off. Then he went home.
>
>Tells you a lot about Garey, huh? Okay -- so 
>this example is really exaggerated, but it hits 
>home the necessity of showing and not telling. 
>What can we do to fix it? We need more detail, 
>especially dialogue and action. Consider:
>
>Garey studied the frozen dinners. He'd had 
>turkey for the last four days, so salisbury 
>steak would be good for a change. But did he want the Big Man's or the regular?
>
>A scent teased his nose. Not the overwhelming 
>smell of fish and frostbite, but a fresh smell, 
>like skin just out of the shower. He glanced 
>sideways and saw the most perfect arm he'd ever 
>seen in his life. Long, slender, graceful, full 
>of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. His eyes 
>followed the arm to the shoulder and then the 
>head. Her head. A head covered with long blond 
>hair and containing a face that made his heart stop.
>
>"Hi," she said, her voice rich and melodious.
>
>Garey's mouth didn't work. He tried to return 
>her greeting, but only a grunt came out. He 
>tried to smile politely, but his face erupted 
>with a grin as large and toothy and goofy as a cartoon character's . . .
>
>See the difference? We need details. We need to 
>know thoughts and  feelings. We need to smell 
>the perfume, taste the wine, feel the cashmere. 
>Anything less cheats the reader from experiencing your imaginary world.
>
>
>chris
>
>
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Brad Dunsé

"Birth
 learn
 intern
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 lectern
 sojourn
 adjourn

Enjoy the ride, its shorter than you think." --Capt'n Frank

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