[stylist] Schmanta Clause

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Ignoring religious implications, Chris creates some complex characters
in a short amount of time.

We know that Irving is having a rough time. He's middle-aged and
married, has no job but education and experience in accounting, he's use
to a different lifestyle and has a gloomy outlook on life. The little
boy has a similar personality and circumstance. Despite all his
problems, Irving learns to think of another person, and isn't this a
part of the holidays? To let go of your personal problems to help
others? And it would be out of character for Irving to suddenly morph
into some sappy guy, giving this boy sappy, thoughtful advice; no,
Irving is Irving through and through. He gives advice in the only way he
knows. It isn't perfect, but neither is the world.

Though it wasn't the point of the exercise, if Christmas (or any
holiday) is about giving and sharing love and peace, than Irving, and
Chris, exude this sentiment even if done through a cynical lens. Though
rough, and perhaps not diplomatic, Irving thinks externally for a moment
in order to give a child some help. Irving sees himself in this boy, and
he doesn't want a child to lose the magic of the holidays at such a
young age.

Chris uses contrast to depict characters and point out that people often
don't project, through their actions, sentiments and lifestyles they
declare. This is a great literary device that makes a point without
having to spell it out.

Some thoughts for revision: Though we already have some back-story on
Irving, we could always use more. Perhaps develop some flashback scenes;
maybe something in Irving's present makes him remember something from
the past. Look for places where flashbacks would work.

I don't think we need back-story on the boy. This is Irving's story, not
the boys. Readers may be interested in the boy, but the story is about
Irving. Having said that, the scene with the boy could be expanded a
bit, but not much since a mall Santa wouldn't spend a long period of
time with one child, no matter the circumstance. However, you could
possibly work in a few more descriptions, dialogue, narration, etc. to
fatten this character, and moment, a little.

Just a suggestion, but perhaps more dialogue could also help with
characterization and back-story. If expanded upon, certainly more
dialogue could be used throughout.

Really good story over-all, and for such a short amount of space, you
paint a complete story. We know a little about Irving, how his life is
and there's a resolution by the end; the character has changed in some
way by the end- Irving comes out of his own misery and funk to help
another person. That Irving is Jewish and the narrator has a cynical
tone should have no bearing on commentary other than how it works to
characterize and/or set the story and move it along. The writing itself
is good, and for a simple exercise, this is a well-written, strong
story.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan