[stylist] Revised: The Christmas Bazaar Monologue

[Chris Kuell]

Hey Donna,

I like the changes you've made to this piece. I'm not sure why you aren't 
getting more commentary, but perhaps people are caught up in pre-holiday 
festivities, and this isn't particularly a good week for feedback. I do have 
2 additional comments myself. Firstly, as Elmore Leonard wrote once--easy on 
the exclamation points! To me, they lose their punch when used often, and 
they are also the sign of a writer who isn't sure her writing is good enough 
so she uses them to prop up excitement. Your writing is plenty good enough, 
and IMO, you don't need but one or two exclamation points. Secondly, the 
ending is fairly abrupt. To me, the monologue just kind of stopped. 
Unfortunately, I don't really have a suggestion for a fix. Perhaps you 
should see what others have to say. But you might consider adding another 
comment to her granddaughter, or to her friend--Can I pour you more 
coffee? - as a way of signaling the end.

Nice work, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing next 
year.

chris