[stylist] Mother's Day Poem feedback

[Jacqueline Williams]

Brad,
This is not a cheesy poem. As far as being sing-song, I suspect it did not
follow your format in the e-mail version at all, so it reads like a
narrative with a lot of internal rhyme. I could reform it according to the
rhyme pattern, but the meaning is beautiful as is. I would be proud to get
such a card for mother's day. 
If in its original form, the rhyme pattern seems to much, think of the
greeting card market where they pursue such sentiments in rhyme that so many
people can understand and treasure. Great literature, No. But worthy, Yes.
I loved some of your phrases:  She grooms their survival with maturing of
feathers;   Each day more slack in their invisible tether."
Jackie 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Brad Dunsé
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 8:49 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Mother's Day Poem feedback


Lori's email forward on poetry, reminded me of a 
Mother's Day poem I wrote a while back now, not 
that I'll enter it now, perhaps something down 
the road if not too cheesy a sing-song poem.  Her 
post just made me think  of it and thought to 
toss it out for comments. If I don't get back 
to  thanking or answering anything  in 
your  comments right off, dont' fret, I 
eventually will. Pasted below. If you need an 
attachment let me know.  Rated G.


Wings of a Mother

Mother Eagle builds a home from a twig tangled nest
Shelters her baby’s 
 denies her own rest
Protects them from danger when it lurks in their midst
Risking her own life ‘til the threat is dismissed
When danger has past, only then she'll uncover
Her babies' protection from the wings of a mother

She grooms their survival with maturing of feathers
Each day more slack in their invisible tether
Soon they’ll climb up on the nests’ narrow rim
Spread out their wings behold 
an Eaglet cherubim
She'll teach them to fly, they'll flit and they'll flutter
‘Neath guided directions of the wings of a Mother

One day she’ll notice they’re dressed in full plume
The next day her nest echoes with plenty of room
Across the thick trees, some distance from home
She’ll watch as more twigs twist into a throne
With pride and raised feathers, she will discover
The tireless success of the wings of a Mother

With love and respect, and pride like no other
I still find comfort under the wings of you Mother


©2008 Brad Dunse



Brad Dunsé

"A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the 
bone shared with the dog, when you are just as 
hungry as the dog." --Jack London

http://www.braddunsemusic.com

http://www.facebook.com/braddunse

http://www.twitter.com/braddunse
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