[stylist] Mother's Day Poem feedback

[Brad Dunsé]

Thanks again guys on the poem feedback. Yes the 
format was majorly messed up for some. I did 
score some brownie points for it. Worth at least 
a dozen times of "dirty shoes on my clean floor,' 
and a couple "leaving your stuff lay around" when I visit. 'grin'.

Brad


On 12/23/2011  07:16 PM Jacqueline Williams said...
>Brad,
>This is not a cheesy poem. As far as being sing-song, I suspect it did not
>follow your format in the e-mail version at all, so it reads like a
>narrative with a lot of internal rhyme. I could reform it according to the
>rhyme pattern, but the meaning is beautiful as is. I would be proud to get
>such a card for mother's day.
>If in its original form, the rhyme pattern seems to much, think of the
>greeting card market where they pursue such sentiments in rhyme that so many
>people can understand and treasure. Great literature, No. But worthy, Yes.
>I loved some of your phrases:  She grooms their survival with maturing of
>feathers;   Each day more slack in their invisible tether."
>Jackie
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf Of Brad Dunsé
>Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 8:49 AM
>To: Writer's Division Mailing List
>Subject: [stylist] Mother's Day Poem feedback
>
>
>Lori's email forward on poetry, reminded me of a
>Mother's Day poem I wrote a while back now, not
>that I'll enter it now, perhaps something down
>the road if not too cheesy a sing-song poem.  Her
>post just made me think  of it and thought to
>toss it out for comments. If I don't get back
>to  thanking or answering anything  in
>your  comments right off, dont' fret, I
>eventually will. Pasted below. If you need an
>attachment let me know.  Rated G.
>
>
>Wings of a Mother
>
>Mother Eagle builds a home from a twig tangled nest
>Shelters her baby’s 
 denies her own rest
>Protects them from danger when it lurks in their midst
>Risking her own life ‘til the threat is dismissed
>When danger has past, only then she'll uncover
>Her babies' protection from the wings of a mother
>
>She grooms their survival with maturing of feathers
>Each day more slack in their invisible tether
>Soon they’ll climb up on the nests’ narrow rim
>Spread out their wings behold 
an Eaglet cherubim
>She'll teach them to fly, they'll flit and they'll flutter
>‘Neath guided directions of the wings of a Mother
>
>One day she’ll notice they’re dressed in full plume
>The next day her nest echoes with plenty of room
>Across the thick trees, some distance from home
>She’ll watch as more twigs twist into a throne
>With pride and raised feathers, she will discover
>The tireless success of the wings of a Mother
>
>With love and respect, and pride like no other
>I still find comfort under the wings of you Mother
>
>
>©2008 Brad Dunse
>
>
>
>Brad Dunsé
>
>"A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the
>bone shared with the dog, when you are just as
>hungry as the dog." --Jack London
>
>http://www.braddunsemusic.com
>
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Brad Dunsé

"If you repeat yourself
Repeat yourself
Repeat yourself
You might be a songwriter." --Capt'n Frank

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