[stylist] Story of hoodlums

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

I like the imagery, really find places to work this in.  I like that you
give us a strong image of the fog right out the door.

Good characterization.  Try to "show" more in the narration.  For
example, "He was desperately trying to avoid their attention."  Find a
way to display his actions rather than explain what he is doing.  This
will place is in the moment with the character instead of being just an
observer.

Same thing when Sean interuppts the party with the business men.
Describe what is happening, paint a picture rather than just tell us.
It would be powerful to see the contrrast of Sean's dirty attire and the
opulence of the four men.

When Brendan shouts for Sean to come back, it would be really great to
have a developed scene as Brendan remembers his past.  Again, it places
reader into the moment.

This exercise had my attention from the beginning.  Very good for just
an exercise.  Nice characterization along with description.

Bridgit