[stylist] synopsis assistance please

Tue Jan 18 21:31:57 UTC 2011

Hi Anita,
A few things occur to me. First, for brevity's sake, I'd drop the second 
occurance of "brother" in the first sentence.  I'd drop "and defend" in 
the same spirit. "The adults in Cody's life" is also wordy. Could 
"Cody's parents" work? Also, for the synopsis, I doubt that it is 
critical for the reader to know that Cody has seen his father take a 
laxative "on occasion." Dropping "on occasion won't diminish the 
reader's understanding of the plot.

Also, I think this needs to be reorganized and broken into two sentences.
"As a result, Cody must devise a plan that will keep the blind stranger, 
who shows up at their house demanding Joey go to a special camp for 
blind kids, from dragging Joey away." the "who" phrase puts too much 
separation between "the blind stranger from dragging Joey away," do

I don't think you really want to indicate that the stranger was actually 
demanding, but that Cody sees it that way. I was thinking something more 
like: When a blind stranger shows up at their house inviting the family 
to send Joey to a camp for blind kids, Cody feels threatened and devises 
a plan."

This same awkwardness appears later in the piece. "When telling the 
adults that going to camp is not the right thing for Joey fails to work, 
Cody decides the two ..." I know what you mean, but it feels cumbersome.

HTH,
Donna

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On 1/18/2011 1:38 PM, Anita Adkins wrote:
> Thanks. I am pasting another version below. Is this too much detail 
> about what happens? Also, does this make anyone want to read the story 
> because, if not, I must rewrite the synopsis altogether?
>
> It's more than just brotherly love that motivates Cody Dallas to 
> protect and defend his twin brother. In Cody's mind, the accident that 
> left Joey blind wouldn't have occurred if it weren't for Cody's 
> selfish actions. His duty is to suffer any consequences this horrible 
> situation presents, and most of all, to do whatever it takes to keep 
> his brother safe. As a result, Cody must devise a plan that will keep 
> the blind stranger, who shows up at their house demanding Joey go to a 
> special camp for blind kids, from dragging Joey away. The adults in 
> Cody's life keep telling him that the camp is just what Joey needs to 
> live a happy and healthy life. But, Cody's fears and misconceptions 
> about the abilities of the blind combined with his guilt are too 
> strong for him to ignore.
> When telling the adults that going to camp is not the right thing for 
> Joey fails to work, Cody decides the two brothers must run away. After 
> this attempt is thwarted, Cody feels he must follow through with the 
> only option he sees left, to give his twin brother a laxative he has 
> witnessed his Dad take on occasion. He only agrees to visit the camp 
> after this incident also turns out different from what he predicts, 
> and it is this visit that finally convinces him that going to camp is 
> the best thing for his twin brother. On the way home from camp, Cody's 
> parents tell him of their decision to send him to a counselor to help 
> him come to terms with the fact that Joey's blindness is not his 
> fault. Though he hates the idea, Cody goes and realizes he is not 
> guilty for making his brother blind.
>
> Again, thanks in advance for any assistance. Anita
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 18, 2011 12:23 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] synopsis assistance please
>
>
>> Hi Anita,
>> I like this. You might want to add a little more detail about the end 
>> of the story. I read somewhere that you're not supposed to withhold 
>> that from your publisher. As far as making it in the tone you write 
>> in for children ... I think that's a delicate balance, since the 
>> reader of your query is an adult. This seems to be the right tone to me.
>> Donna
>>
>> Read Donna's articles on
>> Suite 101:
>> www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
>> Ezine Articles:
>> http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=D._W._Hill
>> American Chronicle:
>> www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
>>
>> Connect with Donna on
>> Twitter:
>> www.twitter.com/dewhill
>> LinkedIn:
>> www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
>> FaceBook:
>> www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
>>
>> Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
>> cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>> Apple I-Tunes
>> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374 
>>
>>
>> Check out the "Sound in Sight" CD project
>> Donna is Head of Media Relations for the nonprofit
>> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind:
>> www.padnfb.org
>>
>>
>> On 1/18/2011 11:33 AM, Anita Adkins wrote:
>>> Hello everyone,
>>>
>>> I have written a short story, and one of the publisher's I am 
>>> interested in submitting too requires a cover letter. Upon some 
>>> basic research, I have learned that a cover letter should contain a 
>>> synopsis of the story. My question is should this synopsis sound the 
>>> same as it would if I were giving it to children? For ex., in the 
>>> one I am pasting below, you will see the words wrong belief. At 
>>> first, I had written misconception here, but young children may not 
>>> know what that word means. Any ideas and suggestions are 
>>> appreciated. Thanks in advance for any assistance. Sorry about it 
>>> sounded as if it is a link. I am not sure why it chose to do this.
>>>
>>> It's more than just brotherly love that motivates Cody Dallas to 
>>> protect and defend his twin brother. In Cody's mind, the accident 
>>> that left Joey blind wouldn't have occurred if it weren't for Cody's 
>>> selfish actions. His duty is to suffer any consequences this 
>>> horrible situation presents, and most of all, to do whatever it 
>>> takes to keep his brother safe. As a result, Cody must devise a plan 
>>> that will keep the blind stranger who shows up at their house 
>>> demanding Joey go to a special camp for blind kids from dragging 
>>> Joey away. The adults in Cody's life keep telling him that the camp 
>>> is just what Joey needs to live a happy and healthy life. But, 
>>> Cody's fears and wrong beliefs about the abilities of the blind 
>>> combined with his guilt are too strong for him to ignore.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Anita
>>>
>>> Remember, Jesus Loves You.
>>> Anita Adkins
>>> 81 E. Mechanic ST
>>> APT 207
>>> Frostburg, MD 21532
>>> p: 301-689-5212
>>> c: 301-876-8669
>>> aadkins7 at verizon.net
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> Writers Division web site:
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>>
>>
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>
>
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