[stylist] Please read my new blog

Fri Jul 8 18:29:40 UTC 2011

Brad,

My husband has RP too.  That's another topic people find interesting-
that two blind people can live on their own!  *grin*

You're absolutely correct though.  I had full vision for 23 years before
losing it.  I've only been blind for 8 years now so I understand what
you mean.  I wouldn't trade my experience of growing up sighted- not
because I think blindness is terrible or that you are severely limited,
but because it is simply how I grew up.  And yes, I like that I have
visual images in my head and understand things from a visual
perspective.

The two things I miss are shopping without assistance- 1, I'm a bit of a
control freak so I don't like using a middle man *smirk* and 2, when it
comes to clothes, I love fashion and I always wonder, what am I missing
that is not being described to me?  And I would like to visually see my
nephews and nieces faces- not that I have any less of an experience with
them, but it would be nice.

If you have always been blind, I think it can be (stress on the can)
easier because you grew up always doing things in an alternative manner.
Those of us who lose vision later will obviously have a period of
adjusting.  It is the same for someone losing their hearing, or loss of
a limb- you adapt and move on, but you still have to figure things out.

A cousin of mine was hit by a car when he was a kid, which confined him
to a chair, and he has never been able to use his arms and legs.  He
adjusted though, and has lived as full of a life as possible.  He is the
most outgoing person I've ever met!

You are fortunate, Brad, to have a wife willing to try and learn new
things you can do as a couple.  I've heard this scenario is not always
the case for many who go blind later.  I know a guy who is one of the
most independent blind people I've ever met.  He has to do everything by
himself, yet when he lost his vision at 35, his wife couldn't "deal"
with it and left him.  I've never understood this.

However, I agree that we have to try to step into others shoes when
dealing with blindness.  The simple truth is that people don't have
exposure to blindness, or if they do, it is often negative exposure.
Our best course of action to combat ideas and stereotypes is to lead
with our actions.  Be ourselves, but be confident, capable and be
willing to answer even the dumbest question.

And we all adapt to things differently.  We can't judge others if they
are on a different level, though I do believe in challenging one another
to reach our full potentials.

Thanks, Brad, for showing us a different perspective.  We can get caught
up in this blindness fight and forget to pause and think about the other
side for a minute.  What is obvious to us may not be obvious to others-
we should always keep this in mind.

Bridgit
Message: 5
Date: Fri, 08 Jul 2011 08:52:16 -0500
From: Brad Dunse' <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
To: Writer's Division Mailing List <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Please read my newest blog
Message-ID: <7.0.1.0.2.20110708072145.02401f48 at braddunsemusic.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed

Having been sighted for   nearly 50% of my life, granted that 
percentage drops  each day as I get further and further from birth, I 
will say I do understand the fear and reactions of people as they 
encounter blindness or a blind person. That doesn't mean I like it, 
or dealing with them over and over and over again, that can be 
extremely frustrating, but I do understand. Just as we, having either 
been blind all our lives or for a long time,  do not understand  how 
they can feel it is nearly the end of the world for folks to   become 
blind,  likewise they, having been sighted all their lives, can't 
understand how we feel we can adapt and live a full happy productive 
life. Each coming from deep rooted perspecteives that affect how they 
interact with the world around them.  There were many things I'd 
enjoy doing as a sighted person. I remember   as RP gradually made 
its way in my life, my wife and I decided to go to the YMCA and play 
a little racket ball as we hadn't in some time. You need to 
understand with RP it comes on gradual and you make adaptations to it 
almost involuntary, and in some cases your brain does exactly that 
without your knowing it. So we get on the court, she slaps the ball 
and it ricochets off the wall and I never saw it once. I stood their 
with the racket in my hand in position to slap the ball back, totally 
dumbfounded, never expecting that  would happen. I was angry, sad, 
frustrated, felt like a fool,  and a great sense of loss all at one 
time. I was so bummed out yet one more thing I loved doing was gone. 
Plus I felt bad for my wife because it was something we had looked 
forward to getting back into again, but now something as a couple we 
couldn't do anymore.   This after driving was removed, and just the 
beginning of things I'd no longer be able to do, similar new 
surprises cropping up as life chugged along. Now, yes, I've 
adapted  and my wife and I have found different and equally enjoyable 
things to do as a couple, though I'm not the poster child of 
blindness adaptation, I have adjusted and life goes on. But now think 
of the , "I can't understand sighted folk's fear" thing, a bit 
differently. If you have been blind all your life or for a good long 
time, imagine  for whatever reason, suddenly there  was no more 
ability to read Braille. "Oh no" you say but then realize "Fine, I've 
got a screen reader I use to read". Sure, but screen readers can't 
read file folder tabs, room numbers in hotels, elevator 
buttons,   and other miscellaneous situations. Then let's say for 
whatever reason you lost your equilibrium where you can't tell what 
is straight, up or down. Now you might not travel independently and 
in fact might even find yourself suddenly on the floor wondering what 
just happened and why is my chin bleeding.  So now your travel is 
severely affected and of course that will have an affect on how 
people see you and judge you. "Look at that drunk guy bumping into 
chairs walking through the restaurant." In fact with this loss of 
equalibrium, you don't even know in how many ways it might affect you 
in the future because you haven't encountered it in daily life yet so 
there's a great mystery there and can you even live up to the 
challenge. Imagine how you're life would be affected if you lost 
hearing as much as we depend on it?  That is similar to what a 
sighted person imagines when they think  of blindness. Understanding 
the fear and misnomers sighted folks  have when it comes to blindness 
can be a hard perspective to maintain, and very trying as we 
continually educate people by "just doing" and answering  what seems 
to be stupid questions, but having that understanding of why they 
fear it so much helps bring more a perspective of pity on them living 
as such, rather than anger towards them.

When I attended blindness training there was  an instructor that 
would get very impatient with people on the bus, in stores, and the 
like and got really kind of rude at times. I thought to myself, 
"Geez, they're only trying to help, bite their head off will ya? I 
mean how is that a good representation of a blind person coping in 
life?". I later understood her frustrations as I dealt with more 
people as my vision decreased. I found it very interesting how the 
white cane seemed to change even those who knew me the week before I 
started using it. Some folks have more tolerance for that kind of 
repetition than others, and we all have our "I don't have time or 
patience for this today" moments. However if you put yourself in 
their shoes as best you can, just like you'd like them to do you, it 
helps to understand why they say what they say and do what they do, 
and perhaps even better how to deal with it when you encounter it.

Brad