[stylist] Please read my new blog
Brad Dunse'
lists at braddunsemusic.com
Tue Jul 12 18:15:05 UTC 2011
Bridgit,
A friend I met through Blind Inc, was dumped by his wife too. Give or
take a short time she basically dropped him off and said this is your
home now, I want a divorce. I feel fortunate, mine drove 600 miles
round trip with a couple youngin's once a month to see me for a short
weekend. Yes we all adjust differently. I wish I was the turn around
expert some folks are. Encounter blindness and next month they're
enrolled in school and off they go. Unfortunately I can get pretty
stubborn to give up where I come from if I have a mind to, but when
that stubbornness is directed proper it hangs on to good stuff just
as well like a white knuckle on the safety rail of a roller coaster.
:) Not much will peel it off. I am fortunate to have a life partner
like I do. And that fortune has been enjoyed by her too in her own
life struggles in the past so we get on just fine. I think the
important thing to keep in mind when it comes to the shoes on the
other's foot perspective is we live with the sometime stupid
questions, misnomers, stereotypes and daily fight for regular
treatment and grow tired of the repetition and need to explain things
when asked and on and on and on. . But the person in front of
us might be experiencing their first time with a blind person with
no reference point or worse, ill fed reference points to draw from.
When I first walked into Blind Inc's previous building when checking
out the facility, I could still see pretty good. I knew what was
coming down the pike and so I wanted to get this life thing worked
out. We walked in, the receptionist took our names and went off to
get whoever it was we were meeting at the time, I think it was Russ,
one of the mobility instructors. So we waited for a fair bit as he
was out in class or something. While we quietly waited suddenly the
door banged open and this gal came rolling in with her wheel chair
swinging a cane out in front. I'm telling you both my wife and I's
heads snapped towards the door, eyeballs big as saucers as they
darted to and fro following her cane arc, wondering which way is
this gal going so we could clear out of her way. She'd swing it to
our right and we'd move left, she'd swing left and we'd move right.
The closer she got, the more panicked we became because we didn't
want to be in her way. It never occurred to us to just set still and
say "Good morning? How are you doing today?" But we played the
stealth urban ninjas routine trying to go unnoticed in order to save
us discomfort of possibly putting our foot in our mouth, and also
letting this poor blind gal run into us with a embarrassed reminder
she was blind. In reality we were afraid of embarrassing ourselves as
if we'd made this gal blind all over again. Yeah well we looked a bit
ridiculous.
So yes I remember what it was like being uninformed and doing with
what I knew to do which wasn't much. And I had a blind uncle I'd been
around a little bit but this was different. I've known some other
challenged folks in my life and for some reason the physical
challenges as a wheelchair, or other things didn't seem to bother me.
But a blind person wielding that cane back and forth like that did it
for us. 'smile'.
Brad
On 7/8/2011 01:29 PM Bridgit Pollpeter said...
>Brad,
>
>My husband has RP too. That's another topic people find interesting-
>that two blind people can live on their own! *grin*
>
>You're absolutely correct though. I had full vision for 23 years before
>losing it. I've only been blind for 8 years now so I understand what
>you mean. I wouldn't trade my experience of growing up sighted- not
>because I think blindness is terrible or that you are severely limited,
>but because it is simply how I grew up. And yes, I like that I have
>visual images in my head and understand things from a visual
>perspective.
>
>The two things I miss are shopping without assistance- 1, I'm a bit of a
>control freak so I don't like using a middle man *smirk* and 2, when it
>comes to clothes, I love fashion and I always wonder, what am I missing
>that is not being described to me? And I would like to visually see my
>nephews and nieces faces- not that I have any less of an experience with
>them, but it would be nice.
>
>If you have always been blind, I think it can be (stress on the can)
>easier because you grew up always doing things in an alternative manner.
>Those of us who lose vision later will obviously have a period of
>adjusting. It is the same for someone losing their hearing, or loss of
>a limb- you adapt and move on, but you still have to figure things out.
>
>A cousin of mine was hit by a car when he was a kid, which confined him
>to a chair, and he has never been able to use his arms and legs. He
>adjusted though, and has lived as full of a life as possible. He is the
>most outgoing person I've ever met!
>
>You are fortunate, Brad, to have a wife willing to try and learn new
>things you can do as a couple. I've heard this scenario is not always
>the case for many who go blind later. I know a guy who is one of the
>most independent blind people I've ever met. He has to do everything by
>himself, yet when he lost his vision at 35, his wife couldn't "deal"
>with it and left him. I've never understood this.
>
>However, I agree that we have to try to step into others shoes when
>dealing with blindness. The simple truth is that people don't have
>exposure to blindness, or if they do, it is often negative exposure.
>Our best course of action to combat ideas and stereotypes is to lead
>with our actions. Be ourselves, but be confident, capable and be
>willing to answer even the dumbest question.
>
>And we all adapt to things differently. We can't judge others if they
>are on a different level, though I do believe in challenging one another
>to reach our full potentials.
>
>Thanks, Brad, for showing us a different perspective. We can get caught
>up in this blindness fight and forget to pause and think about the other
>side for a minute. What is obvious to us may not be obvious to others-
>we should always keep this in mind.
>
>Bridgit
>Message: 5
>Date: Fri, 08 Jul 2011 08:52:16 -0500
>From: Brad Dunse' <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
>To: Writer's Division Mailing List <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>Subject: Re: [stylist] Please read my newest blog
>Message-ID: <7.0.1.0.2.20110708072145.02401f48 at braddunsemusic.com>
>Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
>
>Having been sighted for nearly 50% of my life, granted that
>percentage drops each day as I get further and further from birth, I
>will say I do understand the fear and reactions of people as they
>encounter blindness or a blind person. That doesn't mean I like it,
>or dealing with them over and over and over again, that can be
>extremely frustrating, but I do understand. Just as we, having either
>been blind all our lives or for a long time, do not understand how
>they can feel it is nearly the end of the world for folks to become
>blind, likewise they, having been sighted all their lives, can't
>understand how we feel we can adapt and live a full happy productive
>life. Each coming from deep rooted perspecteives that affect how they
>interact with the world around them. There were many things I'd
>enjoy doing as a sighted person. I remember as RP gradually made
>its way in my life, my wife and I decided to go to the YMCA and play
>a little racket ball as we hadn't in some time. You need to
>understand with RP it comes on gradual and you make adaptations to it
>almost involuntary, and in some cases your brain does exactly that
>without your knowing it. So we get on the court, she slaps the ball
>and it ricochets off the wall and I never saw it once. I stood their
>with the racket in my hand in position to slap the ball back, totally
>dumbfounded, never expecting that would happen. I was angry, sad,
>frustrated, felt like a fool, and a great sense of loss all at one
>time. I was so bummed out yet one more thing I loved doing was gone.
>Plus I felt bad for my wife because it was something we had looked
>forward to getting back into again, but now something as a couple we
>couldn't do anymore. This after driving was removed, and just the
>beginning of things I'd no longer be able to do, similar new
>surprises cropping up as life chugged along. Now, yes, I've
>adapted and my wife and I have found different and equally enjoyable
>things to do as a couple, though I'm not the poster child of
>blindness adaptation, I have adjusted and life goes on. But now think
>of the , "I can't understand sighted folk's fear" thing, a bit
>differently. If you have been blind all your life or for a good long
>time, imagine for whatever reason, suddenly there was no more
>ability to read Braille. "Oh no" you say but then realize "Fine, I've
>got a screen reader I use to read". Sure, but screen readers can't
>read file folder tabs, room numbers in hotels, elevator
>buttons, and other miscellaneous situations. Then let's say for
>whatever reason you lost your equilibrium where you can't tell what
>is straight, up or down. Now you might not travel independently and
>in fact might even find yourself suddenly on the floor wondering what
>just happened and why is my chin bleeding. So now your travel is
>severely affected and of course that will have an affect on how
>people see you and judge you. "Look at that drunk guy bumping into
>chairs walking through the restaurant." In fact with this loss of
>equalibrium, you don't even know in how many ways it might affect you
>in the future because you haven't encountered it in daily life yet so
>there's a great mystery there and can you even live up to the
>challenge. Imagine how you're life would be affected if you lost
>hearing as much as we depend on it? That is similar to what a
>sighted person imagines when they think of blindness. Understanding
>the fear and misnomers sighted folks have when it comes to blindness
>can be a hard perspective to maintain, and very trying as we
>continually educate people by "just doing" and answering what seems
>to be stupid questions, but having that understanding of why they
>fear it so much helps bring more a perspective of pity on them living
>as such, rather than anger towards them.
>
>When I attended blindness training there was an instructor that
>would get very impatient with people on the bus, in stores, and the
>like and got really kind of rude at times. I thought to myself,
>"Geez, they're only trying to help, bite their head off will ya? I
>mean how is that a good representation of a blind person coping in
>life?". I later understood her frustrations as I dealt with more
>people as my vision decreased. I found it very interesting how the
>white cane seemed to change even those who knew me the week before I
>started using it. Some folks have more tolerance for that kind of
>repetition than others, and we all have our "I don't have time or
>patience for this today" moments. However if you put yourself in
>their shoes as best you can, just like you'd like them to do you, it
>helps to understand why they say what they say and do what they do,
>and perhaps even better how to deal with it when you encounter it.
>
>Brad
>
>
>_______________________________________________
>Writers Division web site:
>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>
>stylist mailing list
>stylist at nfbnet.org
>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for stylist:
>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/lists%40braddunsemusic.com
>
>
>__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus
>signature database 6278 (20110708) __________
>
>The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.
>
>http://www.eset.com
Brad Dunse
He who angers you controls you -- Proverbs
http://www.braddunsemusic.com
http://www.facebook.com/braddunse
http://www.twitter.com/braddunse
More information about the Stylist
mailing list