[stylist] Creative nonfiction- Arranging My Day- general audience

[Brad Dunse']

Bridgit. Sorry for the late reply. Busy, busy , busy. Enjoyed the 
many interesting descriptions especially the military one, little 
soldiers. Very nice!  That is a spotless symetrical abode for sure 
:). I'm not a total slob but envious :).   Congrats on the anthology 
consideration, awesome. I totally agree with "enough dirty grimy 
winter". I know this is a submitted work and not up for editing but I 
did have a comment for future???  Unless of course this was 
deliberate for affect. But one thing that stood out to me, and 
perhaps this is because I know a writer that has quite a healthy ego 
and seasons his writing quite liberally with the below. , which I 
know that is not, repeat  not, the case here.  But the many counts of 
I, me, my, etc. seemed to  stand out, which might bring more movement 
if re-worded? Since the piece is soley about your morning it didn't 
seem necessary for clarity to  give the sentences ownership. Again 
perhaps this was intentional considering the title/topic. Also 
perhaps sentence structure is hacked in my example but  hopefully my 
point  is graspable.

Quick example of what I'm referring,

Was:

I smooth a fold in the comforter on the bed, checking to ensure the
strip of textured fabric on either side hangs exactly the same.  I
double check that the pillows are still spaced evenly from one another.
Kneeling on the center of the bed, I arrange the pillows as evenly as
possible.  I contemplate using the measuring tape, but forego this as I
realize I may be straddling the brink of sanity.

Possibility:
Smoothing a fold in the comforter on the bed, checking to ensure the
strip of textured fabric on either side hangs exactly the same,  I
double check that the pillows are still spaced evenly from one another.
Kneeling on the center of the bedand  arranging the pillows as evenly as
possible, utilizing the benefits of the measuring tape were 
contemplated but quickly  foregone as I realize straddling the brink 
of sanity is emminant.

Just a thought. Although now that I write , I realize I'm not the one 
considered for a writing honor :). So for whatever its worth.

Brad