[stylist] critique this story please if you have time

[Jacobson, Shawn D]

Vejas

Fun story, I love how you imagined the whole Santa Clause story and extended it.  I never thought of the Grand Hotel being 100,000 feet underground or of Santa's sleigh going to Mars.  It's cool to have the decendants of Scrooge hanging out with Santa's children.

I think my only problem was that the story bogged down for me with the repetition of names.  Also, I thought the Pontus parents were a bit wooden at time.

Never the less, a good job.

Shawn

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Sunday, November 27, 2011 12:31 AM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org; writers-chat at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] critique this story please if you have time

Hi,
For all you writers-chat folks, I think I said I liked writing for teens, but this story is an acception.  It's supposed to be somewhat based on the "It's Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas" song (meaning you'll find a lot of reference to it in this story.) Enjoy.
Thanks anybody who is willing to look this through real quick.
Vejas