[stylist] The Dark rewrite 1

[Brenda]

HiAshley

Thank you for the quick response.  I like it better too and I imagine by 
the time it is done it will be even better.

Still can't figure out why there are no spaces after periods.  I do acut 
and paste and all looks fine before I send it.  There's got to be a 
setting somewhere but I have no idea what it might be.

Brenda


On 10/12/2011 4:52 PM, Ashley Bramlett wrote:
> Brenda,
> Nice descriptions. I like this version better. It captures the seen of 
> the room better.
> Ashley
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Brenda
> Sent: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 4:22 PM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: [stylist] The Dark rewrite 1
>
> Thanks to everyone who gave me input on my project.    I reworked the
> piece based on your comments. I probably missed a few of your
> suggestions, but I wasn't deliberately ignoring them, there was just a
> lot of flipping between emails and documents. I probably did not do
> quotes correctly yet, but I can focus on that more in the future.
> Hopefully this time the spaces after periods will show up.
>
> The Dark
>
> The recipe almost blew out of my hand as I ran into the house to show
> off my very first cooking project for Home Economics.My mother took the
> wrinkled paper, studied it and remarked "you probably won't like Rosy
> apples."Snatching the recipe I stomped to my bedroom and slammed the
> door.At thirteen I could not remember a time when my mother had not
> decided how I felt or what I liked.It all started when I was a toddler
> and my mother decided I was not afraid of the dark.
>
> As a baby I could barely see the sunlight.Several surgeries brought
> lights, colors and shapes into view by age two, but my world was still a
> collage of sights and sounds.During the day I played with my older
> brother outside in the bright sunlight.On rainy days we stayed indoors
> where the sound of my mother cleaning the house or my baby brother
> crying filled the air.When I heard "Time for lunch" or the honk of a car
> horn I knew the shadowy figures in the room were my parents.My waking
> world was filled with sights and sounds that guided me through the
> fog.No monster would dare lurk in this bustling household.
>
> At night my world was a dark, dreary place.My two brothers and I were
> crammed into one small bedroom in our two-bedroom home.The silence was
> only broken by the noise of the monster lurking somewhere.My brothers
> were asleep in their beds, and I didn't know where my parents
> were.Something had to be done before the monster came and got
> me.Creeping to the bedroom door, I saw the glowing lamplight but only
> heard a muffled hum."Oh no, the monster is here" I concluded.
>
> Slamming the door shut I ran back to my bed and pulled the covers over
> my head."Hey, open the door" shrieked my older brother when he awoke to
> a dark room with no beam of light to comfort him. "Quiet down in there"
> yelled my dad without moving from his chair.Thump, thump, thump sounded
> on the basement stairs as mom came to see what the commotion was
> about.Instead of yelling at me for upsetting my brother and not going to
> sleep, my mother opened our bedroom door and remarked to my father
> "She's not afraid of the dark because she can't see."
>
> "The monster can't get me with my mom and dad so close" I decided and
> fell asleep before my fear returned.
>
> This story was told all through my childhood as proof that I was not
> afraid of the dark.It would do no good to explain the terror I felt
> inside.Just once, I wish my mother had been right.
>
>
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