[stylist] Writing exercise

[Homme, James]

Hi Brad,
I was hoping that you would say more about that in your piece. You hinted at it. Maybe it's me coming out in my ramblings, but I feel that tolleration goes a long way on our side, too.

Jim

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Brad Dunse'
Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Writing exercise

Jim,

Thanks  for taking the time from your day to read. Yes, we are not 
invincible to the reverse :).

Brad



On 9/20/2011  09:19 AM Homme, James said...
>Hi Brad,
>This is great stuff. I also think we see ourselves in our reactions 
>to those who are helping us.
>
>Jim
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
>On Behalf Of Brad Dunse'
>Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 10:13 AM
>To: Writer's Division Mailing List
>Subject: [stylist] Writing exercise
>
>Just some thoghts as an exercise in writing, editing, re-writing, etc....
>
>Walking Mirrors
>By Brad Dunse
>
>Over twenty years ago I was diagnosed with
>Retinitis Pigmentosa. From that day forward life
>has been an incredible journey of personal
>heartbreak, discovery, growth, joy, success, and
>a host of life learning experiences.
>
>One such continual lesson is the journey of
>personal behavior in reaction to events
>surrounding us and the conduct of others. How and
>why people, specifically me, react the way we do in certain life situations.
>
>Particular to this writing is my reaction to the
>varying affects we have as blind individuals on
>the garden variety sighted human. Why the varied
>responses to our personal exchange with them out
>on the street, in the workplace, or grocery store?
>
>What compels one person to physically grab your
>white cane, attempting to pull it in the
>direction they'd like you to go, while yet
>another will carry on a walking conversation
>without concern a cane is even present?
>
>Why is it one person will awkwardly try to help,
>leaving you witness to their spilled purses,
>dropped grocery bags, or crashed shopping carts
>as pseudo-heroics cause them to trip for the door
>prior to your reaching for it, while another
>honestly addresses the elephant in the room
>admitting they've never encountered a blind
>person before so if help is needed they'll just rely on you to say so.
>
>Why is it one waitress will ask your dinner-mate
>what it is you want off the menu as if you were
>an incapable toddler, while another will simply
>pull a pencil from behind the ear, flip a page
>back off the notepad, poke the pencil down on the
>paper, look at you and say "OK Hun, what can I get you".
>
>When I first came to learning about blindness,
>having much usable vision myself and carrying a
>sighted person's  perspective, I may not have
>known or even thought of how I might handle
>myself in the company of a blind individual, but
>without question I'd treat them with dignity and
>respect   the same manner I try to treat anyone.
>
>In that same time frame I observed tirades from
>blind individuals as a result of their frustrated
>reaction to stereotypes and assumptions from
>people they met on the streets treating them like helpless dotes.
>
>I remember one incident involving a blind lady I
>knew who was getting on a city bus. A fellow
>passenger offered to help her. And in this
>particular case the individual trying to help was
>really not that far out of line in my opinion,
>more chivalrous than patronizing. . Nonetheless
>the blind woman's demeanor horrifically snapped
>in front of the entire busload of people, really
>letting the well intentioned passenger have it
>good.  That scene was indelibly etched in my mind
>and caused me a considerable amount of
>consternation. Though I was disappointed by the
>reaction of this woman positioned as mentor, I
>was not judgmental of her, I was simply trying to
>understand her response to a well-meaning person.
>
>Of course over time I learned more about mobility
>skills and encountering  sighted folks who
>reacted out of ignorance. Often times these
>encounters take on  a belittling atmosphere of
>social helplessness, gaining intensity as well as
>audience  the more it  is allowed to continue. I
>began to understand how shear repetition of
>having to deal with it could become quite annoying.
>
>The woman on the bus whose temper exploded at the
>well-meaning passenger reminded me of the very
>first time I got on an email discussion list as a
>new information highway passenger. My very first
>mass internet communication and I was excited to
>be trying this new medium out, it was going to be awesome.
>
>Not long after subscribing, a net acquaintance of
>mine forwarded me one of those virus warnings.
>You know one of the hoaxes out there  which some
>folks are driven to pass along... just in case?
>Well? Knowing no better I passed it straight up
>to the email list like a good helpful,
>responsible and yes ignorant person might do.
>Within minutes I was berated in front of the
>entire list, pretty badly I might add.
>
>I was quite angry, upset and even hurt. I was
>only trying to help, just trying to be a
>responsible person because seeing someone fall
>prey to this so called virus when I could avoid it was not pleasurable.
>
>My first reaction was to assume "Geez! People on
>these email lists are rude, angry and just not
>very nice people at all. If that's the way they
>are going to be, I'll let them to their own
>misery!" Of course over time and many discussion
>memberships later, I learned how often  virus
>forwards occurred and how it took up people's
>valuable time. Such posts  become repetitious
>aggravations, which this person happened to have
>had just one too many such posts with mine.
>
>After the fact, like the person sending the nasty
>email, I understood the reason for the fellow
>blind person's over reaction on the bus. Still, I
>vowed I did not want to give that first
>impression to someone trying to help. Even if
>their help was out of ignorance just like I was
>with my virus warning. Even if  it was out of a
>needless sense of pity or inappropriate sense of
>superiority, I did not want to just hand over my
>emotional control to someone by hyper-reacting to
>their behavior. Neither did I want to make them
>feel as I had   with my well-meaning yet ignorant post to the discussion list.
>
>I then began to question and discover why this
>happens. Why the differing reactions like the
>ones mentioned earlier?  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe
>it is uniquely limited to my experience, or
>perhaps living these years as a blind person has
>yet to teach me more in this area. Or in fact
>maybe it is merely a perspective that isn't an
>absolute but a generalization which serves my
>purpose for my own outcomes and education of dealing with such sighted folks.
>
>At any rate  I've come to believe that to others
>we are not blind people at all. They really do
>not see "us" as blind people. What they do see is
>"themselves" as a blind person in our encounter
>with them. What do I mean? The reason they react
>as they do is sort of a dual mirror. They see a
>blind person across the street happily tapping
>along a sidewalk for instance. What they also see
>ten feet directly in front is the stone planter
>smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk. However,
>what they really see is themselves as the blind
>person based on their own lack of experiential
>reference and knowledge. They know without a
>doubt if they were that blind person, there would
>be one heck of a bloody crash. To avoid their
>feeling this way, they holler across traffic
>"Watch out for the planter in front of you!" As
>if you were to inherently know they are talking
>to you in the first place. You see they don't see
>"us", but they see "themselves" as the blind person in our shoes.
>
>The second mirror is this. Remember the person
>who grabbed your white cane to direct you while
>in a walking conversation? Conversely do you
>remember the person in the same situation that
>didn't give your blindness a second thought?
>Think about those two people for a minute. Was
>the one grabbing for the cane a weak type of
>person who is a bit insecure? A bit unsure in
>life? One who   is themselves dependent  ? A
>person a bit undecided in life?  A soul ambling
>through life directed by situations surrounding them?
>
>Or perhaps the opposite side of the same coin,
>someone with a know-it-all facade? Someone with a
>quiet or bold  attitude of superiority?
>One  appearing to be strong by always being
>right? Someone over the top in bold dominancy?
>These types  are likely over compensating for
>those same insecurities as those outwardly
>appearing weak, just in a quite different way.
>
>What then about the person who carried on
>oblivious to the cane and its  meaning as they
>continued walking and talking with you? What can
>we say about them? Were they a solid silent type?
>Someone fairly sure of themselves? A competent
>person? A risk taker perhaps? Someone who enjoys
>a challenge? Perhaps themselves balanced in
>independency? A methodically confident person? My
>guess is they probably are some combination of these traits.
>
>Respective to the above types, the same can be
>said for the one tripping over themselves to open
>a door, and the opposing one who exposed the
>apparent elephant in the room. Also the same for
>the waiter or waitress that asked your
>dinner-mate what you want for dinner or to drink,
>compared to the pencil wielding waitress with the no nonsense attitude.
>
>So what is the usefulness  in knowing this? For
>me at least, it is tremendously helpful to
>understand another person while in conversation
>or doing daily business. I am forever reading
>other people, unfortunately forgetting their name
>two seconds after we meet because I'd been
>reading what they are really about the whole
>while.  But for me to understand who they are and
>why they do what they do is tantamount to helping
>me react in a way that will empower or positively
>enable me to utilize the encounter to my
>emotional or future advantage. Even if it serves
>the purpose I won't lose control, fly off the
>handle in the moment, or get sarcastic or terse
>with them, even if it simply keeps me on top of
>the conversation or situation, because I know
>when I get out of control, invariably fear is present someplace.
>
>I really have nothing to fear encountering any
>type of insecure sighted person as a blind
>individual, and can remain  in control through my
>own security. As a result I am free to treat
>them  in a more constructive manner.
>
>So you see we are really just walking mirrors
>which when other's see us, they see themselves
>based on their own security or insecurity in
>life, and in the process enables us to  see their
>reflection of themselves with the advantage of
>handling the situation to our emotional gain. We
>decide for ourselves who really needs the pity or
>help in the situation and conduct ourselves
>accordingly. It really is a humorous trick on our
>part, but since they've initiated it with their
>response to our presence, why not finish it using
>it to our gain, and truthfully the good of all.
>
>(c)2011 Brad Dunse
>
>
>
>
>Brad Dunse
>
>"Write like you mean it and sing like nobody's watching" --Ben Wakeman
>
>http://www.braddunsemusic.com
>
>http://www.facebook.com/braddunse
>
>http://www.twitter.com/braddunse
>
>
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Brad Dunse

Friends don't let friends play their guitars out of tune. --Capt'n Frank

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