[stylist] Walking Mirrors

[Brenda]

Good morning Justin andList

I am very glad I was directed here.  information like this thread are 
very uplifting.  As a high partial I never wanted help  probably because 
I was afraid  and raised not to be weak in order to fit in the sighted 
world.  Now that I have lost significant vision I have learned to change 
my approach.  I can and do laugh at people when they are acting too 
helpful or keep me at arms length due to my blindness.  Sometimes I do 
educate depending on the situation.  I think these experiences would be 
good journal entries and to be expanded upon depending on where I go 
with my writing.

The concepts on this thread and the acceptance of everyone on this list 
are not the norm.

Brenda







On 9/20/2011 10:53 PM, Justin Oldham wrote:
> There is no one right way to be blind.  We're always going to 
> encounter resistance.  A precious few in the sighted community are 
> educated enough to deal with us fairly.  The rest are making it up as 
> they go along.  The obligation falls to us, no matter how long we've 
> been blind, to be the better example.
>
> Each of us has the potential to be the very first blind person that 
> any sighted man, woman, or child, has ever dealt with.  That initial 
> encounter can determine the motivation of their behavior for the rest 
> of their lives. Each positive encounter creates one more sghterd 
> oerson who doesn't think its a big deal that we are blind.
>
> Each of ehese encounters is a teachable moment, if we are willing to 
> be the teachers.  Showing impatience or using a sharp tongue to 
> correct the sighted offender doesn't help us as individuals, and it 
> certainly does not help our cause as blind citizens who want to be 
> taken seriously.
>
> I was born this way, and I've lost count of how many people I've had 
> friction with because they couldn't handle the fact that I was blind.  
> I don't hold it against them. It's their hang up. Not mine.  In all 
> cases, they don't know stuff about blind folks because they never had 
> to know.
>
> They are forced to learn, each time they deal with you.  Some 
> prejudices will never be overcome.  Some people don't want learn 
> certain things, and they'll fight tooth-and-nail to keep or maintain 
> their world view.  Those people can't be reached.
>
> Everyone else is fiar game...and...most of them actually wants to know 
> what you have show them (by how you behave) or what you have to tell 
> them (with or without spicy language).  Teach 'em. Learn 'em what they 
> need to know with whatever mercy you choose to give them, and move on.
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Bridgit Pollpeter" 
> <bpollpeter at hotmail.com>
> To: <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 6:18 PM
> Subject: [stylist] Walking Mirrors
>
>
>> I do agree that how we respond says a lot to people we encounter.
>> Blindness has never been viewed medically, socially, professionally or
>> culturally as a perfectly exceptable  way to live. The "fear" of the
>> unknown trumps any logic that could make living as a blind person okay.
>> When we react with anger, we do nothing to change minds; after all, who
>> wants to associate with a bear on a rampage? It turns people off.
>>
>> However, I completely understand the frustration of dealing with the
>> ignorant people and those who assume. Just today, while at the doctor, I
>> couldn't find my signature guide. Ross, the hubby, likes to come with me
>> to my appointments if he can. I called him over so I could borrow his
>> signature guide, but the front desk worker said, "Oh, he's going to sign
>> for you?" This came after asking if it was okay for me to sign some
>> paperwork. I didn't flip, but inside I was seething. The real rub is
>> that Ross is blind too and carries a cane, so I never quite know how to
>> take this.
>>
>> Why are we expected to smile and make these people feel okay? Why do we
>> have to be belittled, demeaned, treated like children, have our ability
>> to care for ourselves, and others, questioned? No, not everyone acts
>> this way, but many do. We are expected to accept ignorance and
>> ridiculous perceptions, but no one is ever expected to accept that we're
>> adults with lives, and when people encounter us out-and-about, we must
>> be okay seeing we are doing things on our own. Instead, they get to
>> accept we're less capable, and when sighted people are around, we have
>> saviors who can provide us some helpful cheer for the day.
>>
>> I come from a fully sighted perspective. I was sighted for 22 years, and
>> when I lost my vision, I didn't lose who I was. I retained all the same
>> interests, opinions, personality; yet, I enter a room, and far to many
>> people don't look past the cane.
>>
>> Having been blind for only eight years, I find it difficult to accept
>> this. I want to be exceptional, but not because I can tie my shoes. I
>> want to stand out, but not because I walk down the street without
>> bumping into objects. I want to inspire, but not because I have overcome
>> the obstacles of blindness, which tend to be negative views as opposed
>> to blindness itself. Everything I do is viewed in the context of
>> blindness.
>>
>> Long before I knew about the Federation or skills of the blind or
>> training, I naturally understood that as a blind person, I could still
>> be me; I could still do the same things. When I learned of the
>> Federation and its views on blindness, I thought, wow, finally someone
>> else gets it. I didn't question my abilities; I didn't think limitations
>> were a part of the blindness package. This is what upsets me and
>> frustrates me. People don't get it- blind and sighted. We're people with
>> feelings, thoughts, emotions, talents, and not everything revolves
>> around blindness. And not everything is a huge obstacle. Our life
>> experience isn't different, and 99% of the time, our difficulties lay in
>> the perceptions and attitudes projected by society.
>>
>> Instead of figuring things out, and seeking solutions, we accept these
>> perceptions of reality as truth. We think blindness creates a barrier we
>> must push through for every little thing. I can't speak Swahili, have no
>> concept of it, don't know the first thing, doesn't mean I don't believe
>> others can speak it and learn it. This is what we do with blindness; we
>> have no concept of how to live nonvisually; we can't fathom how to do
>> things, so we decide to assume it's impossible. Yet, there are those of
>> us who know better. We live every day accomplishing all sorts of things
>> nonvisually, yet no one wants to believe us.
>>
>> So this is why we get frustrated. This is why we blow up sometimes.
>> People may intend to be kind and helpful, but, especially as an adult,
>> it becomes tiresome to have people assume I need help for every little
>> thing. I'm not defending irate behavior, but I do understand the
>> sentiment.
>>
>> Humans are complex creatures. So much influences us, negatively and
>> positively. Our family, environment, pop culture, friends, our own
>> natural personality. Why some view disability different than others,
>> who's to say? And while I don't believe in skinning people alive, I also
>> think it's unfair to always be expected to surrender to society's
>> "kindness" because they "don't know better." When children misbehave
>> because they don't know better, do we allow the behavior to go
>> unchecked? No, so why do we allow ignorant behavior to slide in adults?
>> We don't have to react to each individual instance of ignorant behavior,
>> but sometimes, we should speak up, inform and educate. It's not fair we
>> always have to feel bad because of ignorant behavior.
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
>> Read my blog at:
>> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>>
>> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
>> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>>
>> Message: 21
>> Date: Tue, 20 Sep 2011 09:12:31 -0500
>> From: Brad Dunse' <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
>> To: Writer's Division Mailing List <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: [stylist] Writing exercise
>> Message-ID: <131652797078938600 at t14.hostbaby.com>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"; format=flowed
>>
>> Just some thoghts as an exercise in writing, editing, re-writing,
>> etc....
>>
>> Walking Mirrors
>> By Brad Dunse
>>
>> Over twenty years ago I was diagnosed with
>> Retinitis Pigmentosa. From that day forward life
>> has been an incredible journey of personal
>> heartbreak, discovery, growth, joy, success, and
>> a host of life learning experiences.
>>
>> One such continual lesson is the journey of
>> personal behavior in reaction to events
>> surrounding us and the conduct of others. How and
>> why people, specifically me, react the way we do in certain life
>> situations.
>>
>> Particular to this writing is my reaction to the
>> varying affects we have as blind individuals on
>> the garden variety sighted human. Why the varied
>> responses to our personal exchange with them out
>> on the street, in the workplace, or grocery store?
>>
>> What compels one person to physically grab your
>> white cane, attempting to pull it in the
>> direction they'd like you to go, while yet
>> another will carry on a walking conversation
>> without concern a cane is even present?
>>
>> Why is it one person will awkwardly try to help,
>> leaving you witness to their spilled purses,
>> dropped grocery bags, or crashed shopping carts
>> as pseudo-heroics cause them to trip for the door
>> prior to your reaching for it, while another
>> honestly addresses the elephant in the room
>> admitting they've never encountered a blind
>> person before so if help is needed they'll just rely on you to say so.
>>
>> Why is it one waitress will ask your dinner-mate
>> what it is you want off the menu as if you were
>> an incapable toddler, while another will simply
>> pull a pencil from behind the ear, flip a page
>> back off the notepad, poke the pencil down on the
>> paper, look at you and say "OK Hun, what can I get you".
>>
>> When I first came to learning about blindness,
>> having much usable vision myself and carrying a
>> sighted person's  perspective, I may not have
>> known or even thought of how I might handle
>> myself in the company of a blind individual, but
>> without question I'd treat them with dignity and
>> respect   the same manner I try to treat anyone.
>>
>> In that same time frame I observed tirades from
>> blind individuals as a result of their frustrated
>> reaction to stereotypes and assumptions from
>> people they met on the streets treating them like helpless dotes.
>>
>> I remember one incident involving a blind lady I
>> knew who was getting on a city bus. A fellow
>> passenger offered to help her. And in this
>> particular case the individual trying to help was
>> really not that far out of line in my opinion,
>> more chivalrous than patronizing. . Nonetheless
>> the blind woman's demeanor horrifically snapped
>> in front of the entire busload of people, really
>> letting the well intentioned passenger have it
>> good.  That scene was indelibly etched in my mind
>> and caused me a considerable amount of
>> consternation. Though I was disappointed by the
>> reaction of this woman positioned as mentor, I
>> was not judgmental of her, I was simply trying to
>> understand her response to a well-meaning person.
>>
>> Of course over time I learned more about mobility
>> skills and encountering  sighted folks who
>> reacted out of ignorance. Often times these
>> encounters take on  a belittling atmosphere of
>> social helplessness, gaining intensity as well as
>> audience  the more it  is allowed to continue. I
>> began to understand how shear repetition of
>> having to deal with it could become quite annoying.
>>
>> The woman on the bus whose temper exploded at the
>> well-meaning passenger reminded me of the very
>> first time I got on an email discussion list as a
>> new information highway passenger. My very first
>> mass internet communication and I was excited to
>> be trying this new medium out, it was going to be awesome.
>>
>> Not long after subscribing, a net acquaintance of
>> mine forwarded me one of those virus warnings.
>> You know one of the hoaxes out there  which some
>> folks are driven to pass along? just in case?
>> Well? Knowing no better I passed it straight up
>> to the email list like a good helpful,
>> responsible and yes ignorant person might do.
>> Within minutes I was berated in front of the
>> entire list, pretty badly I might add.
>>
>> I was quite angry, upset and even hurt. I was
>> only trying to help, just trying to be a
>> responsible person because seeing someone fall
>> prey to this so called virus when I could avoid it was not pleasurable.
>>
>> My first reaction was to assume "Geez! People on
>> these email lists are rude, angry and just not
>> very nice people at all. If that's the way they
>> are going to be, I'll let them to their own
>> misery!" Of course over time and many discussion
>> memberships later, I learned how often  virus
>> forwards occurred and how it took up people's
>> valuable time. Such posts  become repetitious
>> aggravations, which this person happened to have
>> had just one too many such posts with mine.
>>
>> After the fact, like the person sending the nasty
>> email, I understood the reason for the fellow
>> blind person's over reaction on the bus. Still, I
>> vowed I did not want to give that first
>> impression to someone trying to help. Even if
>> their help was out of ignorance just like I was
>> with my virus warning. Even if  it was out of a
>> needless sense of pity or inappropriate sense of
>> superiority, I did not want to just hand over my
>> emotional control to someone by hyper-reacting to
>> their behavior. Neither did I want to make them
>> feel as I had   with my well-meaning yet ignorant post to the discussion
>> list.
>>
>> I then began to question and discover why this
>> happens. Why the differing reactions like the
>> ones mentioned earlier?  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe
>> it is uniquely limited to my experience, or
>> perhaps living these years as a blind person has
>> yet to teach me more in this area. Or in fact
>> maybe it is merely a perspective that isn't an
>> absolute but a generalization which serves my
>> purpose for my own outcomes and education of dealing with such sighted
>> folks.
>>
>> At any rate  I've come to believe that to others
>> we are not blind people at all. They really do
>> not see "us" as blind people. What they do see is
>> "themselves" as a blind person in our encounter
>> with them. What do I mean? The reason they react
>> as they do is sort of a dual mirror. They see a
>> blind person across the street happily tapping
>> along a sidewalk for instance. What they also see
>> ten feet directly in front is the stone planter
>> smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk. However,
>> what they really see is themselves as the blind
>> person based on their own lack of experiential
>> reference and knowledge. They know without a
>> doubt if they were that blind person, there would
>> be one heck of a bloody crash. To avoid their
>> feeling this way, they holler across traffic
>> "Watch out for the planter in front of you!" As
>> if you were to inherently know they are talking
>> to you in the first place. You see they don't see
>> "us", but they see "themselves" as the blind person in our shoes.
>>
>> The second mirror is this. Remember the person
>> who grabbed your white cane to direct you while
>> in a walking conversation? Conversely do you
>> remember the person in the same situation that
>> didn't give your blindness a second thought?
>> Think about those two people for a minute. Was
>> the one grabbing for the cane a weak type of
>> person who is a bit insecure? A bit unsure in
>> life? One who   is themselves dependent  ? A
>> person a bit undecided in life?  A soul ambling
>> through life directed by situations surrounding them?
>>
>> Or perhaps the opposite side of the same coin,
>> someone with a know-it-all facade? Someone with a
>> quiet or bold  attitude of superiority?
>> One  appearing to be strong by always being
>> right? Someone over the top in bold dominancy?
>> These types  are likely over compensating for
>> those same insecurities as those outwardly
>> appearing weak, just in a quite different way.
>>
>> What then about the person who carried on
>> oblivious to the cane and its  meaning as they
>> continued walking and talking with you? What can
>> we say about them? Were they a solid silent type?
>> Someone fairly sure of themselves? A competent
>> person? A risk taker perhaps? Someone who enjoys
>> a challenge? Perhaps themselves balanced in
>> independency? A methodically confident person? My
>> guess is they probably are some combination of these traits.
>>
>> Respective to the above types, the same can be
>> said for the one tripping over themselves to open
>> a door, and the opposing one who exposed the
>> apparent elephant in the room. Also the same for
>> the waiter or waitress that asked your
>> dinner-mate what you want for dinner or to drink,
>> compared to the pencil wielding waitress with the no nonsense attitude.
>>
>> So what is the usefulness  in knowing this? For
>> me at least, it is tremendously helpful to
>> understand another person while in conversation
>> or doing daily business. I am forever reading
>> other people, unfortunately forgetting their name
>> two seconds after we meet because I'd been
>> reading what they are really about the whole
>> while.  But for me to understand who they are and
>> why they do what they do is tantamount to helping
>> me react in a way that will empower or positively
>> enable me to utilize the encounter to my
>> emotional or future advantage. Even if it serves
>> the purpose I won't lose control, fly off the
>> handle in the moment, or get sarcastic or terse
>> with them, even if it simply keeps me on top of
>> the conversation or situation, because I know
>> when I get out of control, invariably fear is present someplace.
>>
>> I really have nothing to fear encountering any
>> type of insecure sighted person as a blind
>> individual, and can remain  in control through my
>> own security. As a result I am free to treat
>> them  in a more constructive manner.
>>
>> So you see we are really just walking mirrors
>> which when other's see us, they see themselves
>> based on their own security or insecurity in
>> life, and in the process enables us to  see their
>> reflection of themselves with the advantage of
>> handling the situation to our emotional gain. We
>> decide for ourselves who really needs the pity or
>> help in the situation and conduct ourselves
>> accordingly. It really is a humorous trick on our
>> part, but since they've initiated it with their
>> response to our presence, why not finish it using
>> it to our gain, and truthfully the good of all.
>>
>> ?2011 Brad Dunse
>>
>>
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