[stylist] Parting thoughts and confusion

Sun Apr 1 11:16:02 UTC 2012

How more perfect is that, smart people move on, and make tomorrow better, 
brighter, and if we are truly smart, we learn from yesterdays mistakes. Paul 
E Baver
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Bridgit Pollpeter" <bpollpeter at hotmail.com>
To: <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, April 01, 2012 3:31 AM
Subject: [stylist] Parting thoughts and confusion


> Donna, Lynda, Eve  and others,
>
> First, I have never had beef with Eve or anyone on this list. I'm not
> sure how I can agree with people and be viewed as condescending and
> trying to start something, but on my end, I have no problems with anyone
> here.
>
> Second, I think it's been misinterpreted that I suggested Eve, or
> anyone, do not belong on this list because I don't feel this way. I do
> not know her, or most of you, on any personal basis in which to suggest
> anything of the kind. I do see, however, how the comment in question may
> look inflammatory, but I did not mean it this way. First of all, I was
> referring to us all on Stylist and writers in general, and I did not
> mean to imply anything other than writing and submitting writing for any
> reason can be tough, and if we do not wish to participate in a community
> of any kind that provides feedback, then that is not the best community
> in which to be involved in. Regardless of what anyone wishes to think,
> this was not directed to anyone specific, and it was not meant in a
> confrontational way, but I do see that I may not have worded it
> properly. Know that my intent was not to ostracize anyone or suggest
> anyone does not belong here.
>
> Third, I wish those of you making certain claims against me would help
> me understand specifically what you are referring to. I, as pointed out
> in my previous message, said that any community like this has so many
> people with so many backgrounds and we all have something to bring to
> this table. We should challenge one another and help our writing by
> providing constructive feedback. Please, truly, how is this belittling
> or bullying? It seems the opposite to me. And when have I ever said that
> only those with degrees in writing can write well? I do not believe
> this, and again, several times I have stated that a formal education in
> any subject is not the only way in which to learn something, or the only
> way in which one can have true talent. So please, where have I been
> condescending, rude or ostracizing? I'm not the one calling people names
> here.
>
> And Lynda, along with anyone else, I do apologize if my comments came
> across as no longer thinking you have something to contribute here. I'm
> sorry we don't seem to see eye-to-eye and apparently have started out on
> a bad foot, and this all I meant when addressing you, but I still admire
> your experience you bring to any discussion, and I enjoy your personal
> views on artistic expressions. While I may disagree with you on some
> topics or points, this does not mean I think you invaluable or myself
> better. In any friendships I have, we have always understood that we
> will not always agree, but this does not mean we lose respect for one
> another, or think each other devoid of anything to offer.
>
> Ultimately, I'm sorry if I ever made anyone feel ostracized or like they
> can't share opinions because this goes against everything I believe in.
> But I am so confused as to where a few of you are getting these ideas
> from. Please, this is not said sarcastically, where and when have I been
> rude, condescending, belittling or a bully? If I'm truly doing anything
> wrong, I want to fix it, but I can't figure it out. I've asked several
> people to point it out after reading some of these posts, and they can
> not see where certain claims are coming from. I'm not sure what
> inflammatory language anyone is referring to, and when a person actually
> says they are not superior, how can this then be interpreted as the
> opposite?
>
> I did say some of us are not careful readers, and I know this was adding
> fuel to the fire, but I'm confused and frustrated with those calling
> names and claiming I'm condescending and a bully. It was a bad statement
> made in a moment of sheer confusion. I did however go on to reiterate
> the fact that I never address people on a personal level, attacking and
> calling names, but I do provide differing views at times, but this is
> not an attempt to ostracize anyone. I'm not sure why it' okay for others
> to share opinions, but I'm not, and when I do so, I get called names.
> And again, because I'm very confused here, how does saying we need to
> have a warm and open environment on Stylist in which to share writing,
> views, opinions and information turn into me bullying and condescending?
>
> I believe in any community being one where various people can have an
> equal exchange of ideas and opinions; they may disagree, but they do not
> think disagreeing is the same as having a superior attitude or
> belittling others. I've never told anyone they don't belong here or that
> they are worthless as a writer. I've said numerous times that we all
> have individual experience with different backgrounds and such a
> community requires this. I don't believe being published makes anyone a
> better or worse writer or make one more of an authority on it. Please,
> to help me better understand where this is all coming from, explain it
> to me. No more passive-aggressive threads with name calling. If you want
> to confront me, do so and let me know exactly how I have wronged you;
> again, not said sarcastically, angrily or in a confrontational way; I
> want to know where I have specifically said such things to make anyone
> feel belittle or ostracized so I can understand and fix it.
>
> Lastly, post after post keeps addressing the "bully" who likes to "rant"
> and "ostracizes" others, but I stopped this thread. I didn't see much
> sense in carrying on with it. I am the one who prompted the writing
> exercise, which again, only Chris has done, and yet some of you say we
> need people challenging each other with similar exercises. So how am I
> the bad guy, or at least the only one? I apologize to all of you who
> want to move forward and get back to what Stylist is all about; so do I.
> With no sarcasm of any kind, no undertones, I'm sorry to those who feel
> abused by me, but this was never my intention. I do not consider myself
> better or superior to anyone here or anywhere for that matter. I promise
> to watch how I word things, and please, if anyone ever feels as though
> I've wronged them, please contact me because this is never my intention.
> You can believe what you want, but the few who actually know me on a
> true personal level, know that I'm not the type to hurt others and
> belittle them. I know how it feels to be bullied and ostracized, so if I
> ever do this to anyone, let me know so I can correct it.
>
> Again, sorry, and let this be the step for us to move forward, all o us,
> with a fresh start.
>
> Sincerely,
> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Read my blog at:
> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>
> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
> Message: 4
> Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2012 14:37:31 -0400
> From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>,
> "Writer's
> Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: [stylist] Some parting thoughts
> Message-ID: <06BD61E1BF744E86B45AA737701B9313 at OwnerHP>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>
> Hi All,
>
> I have a few things to say about the current issues on this list.
>
>
>
> First, I want to apologize to Eve (and I'll try to find your personal
> e-mail, in case you're no longer with us). I got in-between whatever was
> going on with you and Bridgit and may have unwittingly added fuel to the
> fire.
>
>
>
> Bridgit, you are a bright and talented young woman and have much to
> offer. Nevertheless, your language of late has been a bit inflammatory
> and seems to violate your rule about criticism needing to be done with
> kindness. Your comments to Eve that this list might not be the place for
> her and your recent post to Lynda in which you talk about the
> contributions you hoped she would make or could have made (I
> paraphrase), are examples of what I am talking about. In the case of the
> latter, it suggests that your heart is already closed to Lynda. In the
> case of your comments to Eve, it would have been sufficient to say what
> your understanding of the list was and the value of that. Going any
> further is hurtful and judgmental. Frankly, when I read it, I regretted
> ever responding in support of your initial comments on the pet peeves
> thread in the first place.
>
>
>
> I challenge you to examine your use of language more closely and develop
> an appreciation for the power of subtleties to engender negative
> reactions. Try to edit them out of your posts and include them in
> fiction to strengthen the development of tension and characters.
>
>
>
> Lynda, I'm sorry you are being subjected to this unpleasantness. I'm
> happy that you've had such a wonderful experience on the other NFB list,
> but this sort of thing is an unfortunate occurrence that occasionally
> troubles all lists, sighted or blind. In fact, if my guess is correct
> about the list to which you referred, I can assure you that there have
> been incidents there as well. When you first posted your pet peeves
> question, I had a nasty feeling that it was in itself an inflammatory
> subject. Since you obviously weren't expecting any feuding on the list,
> you wouldn't have known this.  Everyone loves to complain, myself
> included, and vent about their dislikes, but it can easily get out of
> hand when it is taken or meant personally.
>
>
>
> I think that we, as members of a population which is below par in the
> areas of income, employment, opportunity and social acceptance, are
> closer to the ragged edge than the general public - and they are pretty
> close themselves. This doesn't excuse unkindness and it can be argued
> that it ought to give us a better understanding of how words and
> attitudes can hurt. Nonetheless, we don't live in an ideal world, and
> people occasionally lash out.
>
>
>
> The NFB is a wonderful organization with many great programs, ideas and
> people, but to suspect that there isn't any politics, back-stabbing or
> inconsideration of any type is a bit pie-in-the-sky, in my opinion.
> That's human nature, and we are not immune to it.
>
>
>
> I was surprised to hear that some feel we aren't doing much sharing of
> work on this list. It comes and goes, but I thought a few months ago, we
> were going hot and heavy for a time. Anyway, I'm at my own ragged edge,
> and I need to take a break from the list for a little while to get my
> own house in order. No, Robert, I'm not leaving the division and will
> get my dues paid soon. Be gentle with one another and keep writing.
>
> Blessings,
>
> Donna
>
>
> _______________________________________________
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> http://www.nfb-writers-division.net <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
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