[stylist] Parting thoughts and confusion

Sun Apr 1 07:31:17 UTC 2012

Donna, Lynda, Eve  and others,

First, I have never had beef with Eve or anyone on this list. I'm not
sure how I can agree with people and be viewed as condescending and
trying to start something, but on my end, I have no problems with anyone
here.

Second, I think it's been misinterpreted that I suggested Eve, or
anyone, do not belong on this list because I don't feel this way. I do
not know her, or most of you, on any personal basis in which to suggest
anything of the kind. I do see, however, how the comment in question may
look inflammatory, but I did not mean it this way. First of all, I was
referring to us all on Stylist and writers in general, and I did not
mean to imply anything other than writing and submitting writing for any
reason can be tough, and if we do not wish to participate in a community
of any kind that provides feedback, then that is not the best community
in which to be involved in. Regardless of what anyone wishes to think,
this was not directed to anyone specific, and it was not meant in a
confrontational way, but I do see that I may not have worded it
properly. Know that my intent was not to ostracize anyone or suggest
anyone does not belong here.

Third, I wish those of you making certain claims against me would help
me understand specifically what you are referring to. I, as pointed out
in my previous message, said that any community like this has so many
people with so many backgrounds and we all have something to bring to
this table. We should challenge one another and help our writing by
providing constructive feedback. Please, truly, how is this belittling
or bullying? It seems the opposite to me. And when have I ever said that
only those with degrees in writing can write well? I do not believe
this, and again, several times I have stated that a formal education in
any subject is not the only way in which to learn something, or the only
way in which one can have true talent. So please, where have I been
condescending, rude or ostracizing? I'm not the one calling people names
here.

And Lynda, along with anyone else, I do apologize if my comments came
across as no longer thinking you have something to contribute here. I'm
sorry we don't seem to see eye-to-eye and apparently have started out on
a bad foot, and this all I meant when addressing you, but I still admire
your experience you bring to any discussion, and I enjoy your personal
views on artistic expressions. While I may disagree with you on some
topics or points, this does not mean I think you invaluable or myself
better. In any friendships I have, we have always understood that we
will not always agree, but this does not mean we lose respect for one
another, or think each other devoid of anything to offer.

Ultimately, I'm sorry if I ever made anyone feel ostracized or like they
can't share opinions because this goes against everything I believe in.
But I am so confused as to where a few of you are getting these ideas
from. Please, this is not said sarcastically, where and when have I been
rude, condescending, belittling or a bully? If I'm truly doing anything
wrong, I want to fix it, but I can't figure it out. I've asked several
people to point it out after reading some of these posts, and they can
not see where certain claims are coming from. I'm not sure what
inflammatory language anyone is referring to, and when a person actually
says they are not superior, how can this then be interpreted as the
opposite?

I did say some of us are not careful readers, and I know this was adding
fuel to the fire, but I'm confused and frustrated with those calling
names and claiming I'm condescending and a bully. It was a bad statement
made in a moment of sheer confusion. I did however go on to reiterate
the fact that I never address people on a personal level, attacking and
calling names, but I do provide differing views at times, but this is
not an attempt to ostracize anyone. I'm not sure why it' okay for others
to share opinions, but I'm not, and when I do so, I get called names.
And again, because I'm very confused here, how does saying we need to
have a warm and open environment on Stylist in which to share writing,
views, opinions and information turn into me bullying and condescending?

I believe in any community being one where various people can have an
equal exchange of ideas and opinions; they may disagree, but they do not
think disagreeing is the same as having a superior attitude or
belittling others. I've never told anyone they don't belong here or that
they are worthless as a writer. I've said numerous times that we all
have individual experience with different backgrounds and such a
community requires this. I don't believe being published makes anyone a
better or worse writer or make one more of an authority on it. Please,
to help me better understand where this is all coming from, explain it
to me. No more passive-aggressive threads with name calling. If you want
to confront me, do so and let me know exactly how I have wronged you;
again, not said sarcastically, angrily or in a confrontational way; I
want to know where I have specifically said such things to make anyone
feel belittle or ostracized so I can understand and fix it.

Lastly, post after post keeps addressing the "bully" who likes to "rant"
and "ostracizes" others, but I stopped this thread. I didn't see much
sense in carrying on with it. I am the one who prompted the writing
exercise, which again, only Chris has done, and yet some of you say we
need people challenging each other with similar exercises. So how am I
the bad guy, or at least the only one? I apologize to all of you who
want to move forward and get back to what Stylist is all about; so do I.
With no sarcasm of any kind, no undertones, I'm sorry to those who feel
abused by me, but this was never my intention. I do not consider myself
better or superior to anyone here or anywhere for that matter. I promise
to watch how I word things, and please, if anyone ever feels as though
I've wronged them, please contact me because this is never my intention.
You can believe what you want, but the few who actually know me on a
true personal level, know that I'm not the type to hurt others and
belittle them. I know how it feels to be bullied and ostracized, so if I
ever do this to anyone, let me know so I can correct it.

Again, sorry, and let this be the step for us to move forward, all o us,
with a fresh start.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
Message: 4
Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2012 14:37:31 -0400
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>,
"Writer's
	Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [stylist] Some parting thoughts
Message-ID: <06BD61E1BF744E86B45AA737701B9313 at OwnerHP>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset="us-ascii"

Hi All,

I have a few things to say about the current issues on this list. 

First, I want to apologize to Eve (and I'll try to find your personal
e-mail, in case you're no longer with us). I got in-between whatever was
going on with you and Bridgit and may have unwittingly added fuel to the
fire. 

Bridgit, you are a bright and talented young woman and have much to
offer. Nevertheless, your language of late has been a bit inflammatory
and seems to violate your rule about criticism needing to be done with
kindness. Your comments to Eve that this list might not be the place for
her and your recent post to Lynda in which you talk about the
contributions you hoped she would make or could have made (I
paraphrase), are examples of what I am talking about. In the case of the
latter, it suggests that your heart is already closed to Lynda. In the
case of your comments to Eve, it would have been sufficient to say what
your understanding of the list was and the value of that. Going any
further is hurtful and judgmental. Frankly, when I read it, I regretted
ever responding in support of your initial comments on the pet peeves
thread in the first place. 

I challenge you to examine your use of language more closely and develop
an appreciation for the power of subtleties to engender negative
reactions. Try to edit them out of your posts and include them in
fiction to strengthen the development of tension and characters.

Lynda, I'm sorry you are being subjected to this unpleasantness. I'm
happy that you've had such a wonderful experience on the other NFB list,
but this sort of thing is an unfortunate occurrence that occasionally
troubles all lists, sighted or blind. In fact, if my guess is correct
about the list to which you referred, I can assure you that there have
been incidents there as well. When you first posted your pet peeves
question, I had a nasty feeling that it was in itself an inflammatory
subject. Since you obviously weren't expecting any feuding on the list,
you wouldn't have known this.  Everyone loves to complain, myself
included, and vent about their dislikes, but it can easily get out of
hand when it is taken or meant personally.  

I think that we, as members of a population which is below par in the
areas of income, employment, opportunity and social acceptance, are
closer to the ragged edge than the general public - and they are pretty
close themselves. This doesn't excuse unkindness and it can be argued
that it ought to give us a better understanding of how words and
attitudes can hurt. Nonetheless, we don't live in an ideal world, and
people occasionally lash out. 

The NFB is a wonderful organization with many great programs, ideas and
people, but to suspect that there isn't any politics, back-stabbing or
inconsideration of any type is a bit pie-in-the-sky, in my opinion.
That's human nature, and we are not immune to it.

I was surprised to hear that some feel we aren't doing much sharing of
work on this list. It comes and goes, but I thought a few months ago, we
were going hot and heavy for a time. Anyway, I'm at my own ragged edge,
and I need to take a break from the list for a little while to get my
own house in order. No, Robert, I'm not leaving the division and will
get my dues paid soon. Be gentle with one another and keep writing.

Blessings,

Donna