[stylist] Comment on please read my blog

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Jackie,

It's been a crazy summer, but I'm glad to have my name out there again.
There's been some issues with my editor, the newsroom team and myself in
terms of what I write and how I write it. I'm not happy with things, but
at least, as I said, I'm being published.

I had cellulitis, not sure if that's same as cystitis, but it's an
infection of the skin, which I developed on my breasts. It was wrongly
diagnosed as mastitis back the first time I had it in early June.
Because it came back, I'm on weekly shots of antibiotic indefinitely for
now in hopes of avoiding it again.

The symptoms literally came on out of the blue. Feeling completely okay
then the next minute I'm having chills, intense pain in whole body,
warmth and tenderness and swelling in breasts and high fever. The
symptoms subside as quickly as they come on though. At least for me. I
was in hospital for a week with IV antibiotics, and they were constantly
monitoring the baby. The infection has not affected the baby though, at
least nothing they can tell at this stage in pregnancy. My priority in
the last nine months has been to keep him safe and healthy, and so far,
it seems he'll be a healthy, happppppppy baby.

I was told cellulitis was not necessarily life threatening though. It
can affect other areas of the body, and of course it can adversely
affect a baby during pregnancy, but I was told for me, it wasn't life
threatening, at least at the point in wich we caught it.

I understand we have no control over contracting infections, but those
of us suffering from true perfectionism have the drive to need to
control everything, and we feel as though we did something wrong when
things don't go our way or turn out perfect. I intellectually understand
this is a very flawed way of thinking, and that as a human, I don't
control something like an infection, but emotionally, I feel as though I
could have done something to avoid it. It's a completely irrational
mindset, and many seek therapy to help deal with it.

As I say in the blog, I've always been like this, and whether it be
school, work, appearance, health-- I have the need to seek some standard
that's usually not realistic. I've learned to recognize that this
standard isn't something anyone can achieve, and when I place too much
pressure on myself, I need to step back and try to be more realistic. 

During high school and university, if I didn't get straight A's, I
feaked out. An A minus would just throw me over the edge, smile. And
don't get me started on body image. I didn't end up with anorexia for no
reason. I couldn't leave the house without make-up until just a few
years ago, and I would never be caught dead in sweats. Jeans and
t-shirts were my sweats. My husband makes fun of me because my pajamas
have to match, or at least be colors that go together. And cleaning- oh
brother. Not only do I have perfectionism, but obsessive-compulsive
tendancies, so you can imagine how I feel about cleaning. Let me just
say I vacuum my ceilings and walls, LOL! Good lord, I'm nuts!

I think a lot of this developed because my mom is similar, and she
placed a lot of pressure on me as well to achieve some standard usually
not realistic at all. What's learned in childhood is difficult to break
as an adult. I've had to deal with this issue, and it's not easy, and I
still struggle, but I'm no where near as bad as I use to be.

My husband is also amazing and provides me with an unconditional love
that helps me let go a bit and just relax. For some reason, meeting Ross
helped me find some freedom from certain things that have plagued me my
entire life. Not to say I don't have my struggles or that the past can't
creep up on me at times, but his love and acceptance has allowed me to
break away from some destructive behavior. I'm learning to accept me and
be proud of myself, and honestly, a lot of this has to do with Ross.
Maybe one person shouldn't mean so much to us, but I have had a whole
new world open up to me after he entered my life. I feel myself
expanding, open to possibilities. It's so difficult to describe our
relationship and what he has meant to me. Okay, enough of the sappiness!

So I know it's irrational to think I can control an infection, but we
also have little control over emotions especially when irrational. This
was the point of my blog, and I also was trying to be honest. By
divulging my perfectionism, I portrayed that I'm not perfect, and though
a lot worse things could have happened during my pregnancy, it wasn't an
easy, breezy one either.

Thanks for reading, and I hope to have more published work for my
supporters to read, whether it's this blog or something else.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan


Message: 2
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2012 15:27:00 -0700
From: "Jacqueline Williams" <jackieleepoet at cox.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Please read my Live Well blog
Message-ID: <DD2B1CCB470144E897FD5A1C8DCA122A at JackiLeePoet>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset="us-ascii"

Bridgit,
So nice to have you on board again. Your blog is interesting. I never
thought of cystitis as a normal infection, but as a life-threatening
situation. My mother had it diagnosed on her leg at age 94 and was
hospitalized because of what can develop. I'm so glad you are through
that trial. I will cross my fingers, and my toes if I can, also. I don't
think getting an infection has anything to do with perfectionism. Please
give yourself a break! Jackie