[stylist] Robert's December's writing prompt contribution

[Robert Leslie Newman]

Dear all you editors and fellow writers

RE: December's writing prompt

 

With our prompt to come up with something like - the rest of the story -
sort of thing, I am again going to share with you all Another one of my
THOUGHT PROVOKERS (TP) --- number  82 entitled "I'm Back, Mister Wilson."
Sharing this piece is in continuation with my ongoing process of tuning-up
of the 154 Tps on my personal site. So keep in mind, this is a flash fiction
piece, it is  a story of 442 words and I am not looking to make any
unnecessary lengthening of the overall story. Yet, if there is a sentence
which needs an additional word or to and/or if maybe I need to delete
something to increase the storyline's flow and in clarity, then okay. This
is a true test of your creativity to keep the wording at a minimum, but
still tell the story in the best crafting possible.

 

Help me to make this  short little thought provoking piece flow and teach
blindness . What punctuation needs fixing? In all my areas of action, am I
showing by true action, or am I doing unnecessary  "telling?" 

 

(Note: How many of you have seen or heard of Dennis the menace? It was a
late 1950's, early 1960's family sitcom. Dennis was a blond haired, blue
eyed eleven year old boy, who had this devilish little smile, and super
cheerful little voice. He wasn't a mean kid, but more --- ah, just got into
situations that would play out on two different levels as in well-meant
helpfulness, but maybe with an irritating note to it. Mister Wilson was his
elderly neighbor and the interaction between the two of them was a constant
source of the shows charm. So year, I have Dennis going blind --- and after
receiving blindness training like at one of our NFB programs for blind
youth, he is back in the neighborhood and - being his old self. 

 

THOUGHT PROVOKER 82

I'm Back, Mr. Wilson

 

"Hi Mister Wilson! I'm back!" said the Eleven year old blind boy walking
speedily along the sidewalk toward his elderly neighbor who waited for him
at the gate to his front yard. A staccato metallic "TAP, TAP, TAP,"
punctuated each step of the toe-haired youngster's progress as he walked and
arched his long white cane.

"Well, Dennis...You are back. Oh, it is good to see you, ah-er, Dennis. Mrs.
Wilson and I have been worried about you. With your loss, ah-er. Well,
ah-er."

"That's alright, Mr. Wilson! You can just call me blind! That's what I am
now!" said the boy in his typical almost too cheerful voice. "There is so
much I need to teach you and Mrs. Wilson about it."

"Well okay, blind. Ah-er, how was that school you went to?" 

 

"Oh, you mean the kids program at the Rehab center for the blind I was
attending for the past three months? are you wondering how I'm doing, Mr.
Wilson?" Dennis said as he rapidly neared where his elderly neighbor stood.

"Well yes, Dennis. How are you doing? Ah-er..." Feet beginning to shuffle
first right, then left, uncertainty showing on his face and motivating his
movements, "Ah-er, Do you think you need to slow down there?" Said Mr.
Wilson

 

"Well Mr. Wilson, I can get around and do about anything that I need to do!
Just like before! Like right now, I'm coming over to visit you and Mrs.
Wilson!"

"Well...you might want to take it easier now. Considering, ah-er" Mr. Wilson
tried to step aside, out of the path of the speeding boy and the left to
right arching of the metal cane tip that looked to him that it could bruise
the ankle.

"OOPS! Mr. Wilson!" Said Dennis, he knew he had just tripped Mr. Wilson,
putting his cane between his elderly neighbors legs.

"OH OUCH." said the older man. "Now look what has happened? I stumbled back,
bumped the gate and it closed and pinched my finger!"

"Gee Mr. Wilson! That hurts, doesn't it! I remember when my mother closed
the car door on my fingers. You know Mr. Wilson, when I was five I learned
not to put my hand in any place like that! Well....Now that I'm home and
with you having an injured hand, I'll have to come over every day for a
month to help you and Mrs. Wilson!"

"Oh well, ah-er, Dennis. It's not that bad. I ah-er, we can manage." 

 

"Gee Mr. Wilson, aren't you happy to see me back?" 

      

"Yes Dennis..." said Mr. Wilson his tone veiled in shades of incongruity and
insincerity er, I"...Ah-er, yes. Your blindness has not changed you."

 

 

 

Robert Leslie Newman

Personal Website-

Adjustment To Blindness And Visual impairment

http//www.thoughtprovoker.info

NFB Writers' Division, president

http://www.nfb-writers-division.net 

Chair of the NFB Communications Committee