[stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond the HospitalBed

[Barbara Hammel]

I think you're right, Bridget.  I refrained from commenting because I 
couldn't figure out what didn't seem right somehow.  I did get the 
impression that this was a very painful experience because there was that 
lack of detail and so many little factoids that I couldn't quite hold it all 
in my head.
Barbara




A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. --  
Max Lucado
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bridgit Pollpeter
Sent: Friday, January 06, 2012 6:58 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond the 
HospitalBed

Jackie,

Mine is but one opinion, but I'm happy to oblige when I can. You don't
necessarily have to "follow" my style of diction, but I felt your piece
could use more descriptive language, and since you have so many specific
moments, you could expand upon them developing a few scenes between the
narration. Again, just my thoughts, and I do enjoy your writing.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 3
Date: Thu, 5 Jan 2012 12:11:27 -0700
From: "Jacqueline Williams" <jackieleepoet at cox.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond the
Hospital Bed
Message-ID: <5E717257047F449EB3FBF596B2417B92 at JackiLeePoet>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

Bridget,
Your critique is excellent, pinpointing areas that somehow I knew were
just narrative, and not in the least poetic.  Re-reading your piece, I
understand in a better way what you are suggesting. Many of your
critiques talked of your lyricism. I guess that means the language. I
will use your comments as a road map not only in this Prologue, but in
many of the pieces that follow. I thank you for the time you took.
Sincerely, Jackie


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