[stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond theHospitalBed

[Jacqueline Williams]

Barbara,
Thanks for your comments. I often do the same with some postings, simply
because I cannot pinpoint exactly what is missing or wrong. It is great to
have people like Bridget, Donna, Brad, ad infinitum to do for us what they
are able to do.
Thanks again, Jackie

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
Sent: Friday, January 06, 2012 9:01 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond
theHospitalBed

I think you're right, Bridget.  I refrained from commenting because I 
couldn't figure out what didn't seem right somehow.  I did get the 
impression that this was a very painful experience because there was that 
lack of detail and so many little factoids that I couldn't quite hold it all

in my head.
Barbara




A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. --  
Max Lucado
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bridgit Pollpeter
Sent: Friday, January 06, 2012 6:58 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond the 
HospitalBed

Jackie,

Mine is but one opinion, but I'm happy to oblige when I can. You don't
necessarily have to "follow" my style of diction, but I felt your piece
could use more descriptive language, and since you have so many specific
moments, you could expand upon them developing a few scenes between the
narration. Again, just my thoughts, and I do enjoy your writing.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 3
Date: Thu, 5 Jan 2012 12:11:27 -0700
From: "Jacqueline Williams" <jackieleepoet at cox.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on Torn Fragments: From and Beyond the
Hospital Bed
Message-ID: <5E717257047F449EB3FBF596B2417B92 at JackiLeePoet>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

Bridget,
Your critique is excellent, pinpointing areas that somehow I knew were
just narrative, and not in the least poetic.  Re-reading your piece, I
understand in a better way what you are suggesting. Many of your
critiques talked of your lyricism. I guess that means the language. I
will use your comments as a road map not only in this Prologue, but in
many of the pieces that follow. I thank you for the time you took.
Sincerely, Jackie


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