[stylist] Sharing a poem

[Barbara Hammel]

I like the metaphor of this poem.
It seems to me that there should be a few more commas in it in some 
places--but I'm no grammar expert.
I saw right off the bat that it maybe should be
Oh steam, you vile seductress, you ...
And that "neither air nor water" might be enclosed in commas, also.
In the sixth line, there should maybe be another comma after "steam".
The fourth line from the bottom needs some punctuation because it's a run-on 
sentence that seems too clunky without some kind of separation.
The last line could use a comma after the first "steam".

Overall, it's a nice poem.

Barbara



Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. -- Carl Sandburg
-----Original Message----- 
From: Kyle woodard
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2012 7:39 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Sharing a poem

Hello I would like to share one of my poems with you all. Originally I was
going to share my most recent poem that deals with blindness but I stumbled
across this poem I had forgotten about and should probably include in my
book. So I am sharing this one with you instead thanks.

Steam
by Wallace Kyle Woodard

Oh Steam you vile seductress you who are supposed to represent love romance
and passion.

How you are a fraud neither air nor water, pretending to be what you are
not.

You temptress, who is not liquid nor Gas,

How do you expect me to react when you come to me telling me that you are
air knowing I am afraid of flight,

Then tell me you are  water knowing I once drowned in your depths?

How can you, steam tell me that you love me and wish to remain in your
water state knowing I cannot swim,

Yet this whole time you have been posing as air?

How can you tell me that it is air I need to breath,

Yet you maintain your watery form and  appearance?

You say if I come to you, you will love me like no other as you always
have,

Yet I end up alone standing in a puddle in the frigid air.

How can you be one or the other now that you have been joined so
completely?

Why couldn’t you have just patiently remained water while calling to the
oceans to let them know your desires?

Oh vile steam you must be one or the other, no longer can you traipse about
as both.

Yet in your very nature it is too late to go back you can no longer revert
to your previous state.

And yet if you go forward you betray your true self.

How can you say you love me after all this time?

Steam oh you foolish steam.


-- 
Wallace Kyle Woodard IV
Independent Associate for Pre Paid Legal Services
(512) 992-6346
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