[stylist] interesting Background info for a good blindness story

Mon Jun 4 21:33:58 UTC 2012

Ashley,
A bit late in answering your thoughtful remarks on my poem, While There is
Time.
It is a villanelle which is totally structured as to the number of lines,
the repetition of lines and the rhyme scheme.
How long did it last?  Extremely close for four months, then about six
months of daily phone calls, then reality set in for him. Two blind people
in there late seventies with owned homes and families in different states,
not wanting them to get together. Then months of really getting to know each
other over e-mail. Total opposites in matters of faith, politics, but still
this underlying feeling that does not die easily. We have evolve to friends
who will most likely always communicate, but not see each other. It is too
unsettling.
While I wrote the poem to him, I never shared it with him. I had decided to
"peel" him away, and I knew with a little time he would come to the same
conclusion. And so he did.
The thing is, the loss of vision is not the main reason. We both dealt well
with that. It is the other afflictions that go along with aging when you hit
your eighties. Of course, the main thing for me, is that after years of
sharing my life and taking care of a man and one horrible disaster , living
alone is a wonderful blessing. There is no such thing as loneliness if you
pursue your innate interests, instead of those imposed by someone else.
Perhaps more of an answer than you wanted, but I am glad you were interested
in the background of the poem. There must have many handicaps that face the
same kind of decisions.
Jackie

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Ashley Bramlett
Sent: Monday, May 28, 2012 6:34 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] interesting Background info for a good blindness
story

Jackie,
So you attached your poem. Did you mean to attach two?
Is this poem written to your  lover in that relationship?
It's a good one about love. It sounds like you were close? Writing poems is 
a gift and its neat how you find ways to make that ay sound and rhyme.
I'm not the best with metaphors  and interpretation of poems. Maybe the
peel you away refers to not willing to leave or trying to leave, but you 
cannot mentally do so.
Is it a particular form? I see you took the
first line of your poem and repeated it in the last line of many stanzas.

Good one. Makes me wonder more about the relationship like how long it 
lasted.
Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jacqueline Williams
Sent: Monday, May 28, 2012 7:05 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] interesting Background info for a good blindness 
story

Robert,
How about for a good blindness poem, or possibly two.
Equally unbelievable is that one can enter an emotionally and physically
overpowering relationship at the age of 78, but it did between myself an
another blind man.  At the Veteran's Blindness center in Tucson, we were
from all over the west. He thought we should marry. Think of the baggage and
the support systems we both would have to leave.
But any life experience is worth it if it brings forth a poem or two, and
preserves that moment in time.
We still correspond through e-mail.
Jackie
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Robert Leslie Newman
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 6:42 AM
To: writers nfb
Subject: [stylist] interesting Background info for a good blindness story

I got this article from the NFBTalk list: the subject line read- Blindness
and sexuality

Blindness and Sexuality: Researching Myths and Facts Summary Report:

Distributed by: National Data Distribution Center (NDDC)

April 1, 2009

Atlanta Georgia

The two hundredth anniversary of the birth of Louis Braille is being
celebrated by the US mint with the production of a silver coin commemorating
the man who created the modern reading system used by many blind people.

Unfortunately, although blind people work and live normal lives, they are
still different in many ways and their experiences are a matter of curiosity
amongst the sighted population.  For most of us, the question, "What is it
like to be blind?," has entered our minds more than once.

Research, some of it useful and much of it not, about how people who are
blind perceive the world, abounds.  One of the more interesting topics of
study is sexuality among the blind.  The story, goes that blind people are
incredible sexual partners--somehow being extremely sensitive to their
partners and, being able to stimulate them far more than the average person.

Masters and Johnson were so intrigued by this subject that they collected
data over several years from those who had had sex with blind people.

Surprisingly, what they thought would be myths, turned out to be true. The
results were stunning.  On average, women rated their blind partners 9.1 on
a scale of 10.  The average rating was five for sighted partners.

"This research has been duplicated several times," says Author Mary Roach,
author of, 2008 best seller, Bonk: the Curious Coupling of Science and Sex.

The data hasn't attracted much attention because blindness is such a low
incidence event.  "We usually print things that have broad interest.  And,
even though this indicates that blind people are incredibly sexual, there
aren't really enough of them to go around."

Comments from sighted partners were astounding.  "He seemed like he knew my
soul," from a 23 year old female.  "Her tongue knew just how to touch every
part of me if you know what I mean," from a college male.  One woman
commented, "The things he could do with his fingers were beyond description
in this survey.  It's not that he was built bigger than other men, it just
seemed like he touched me inside with it all over,"  she said with a shy
smile.

When William Masters was asked, in a 1971 interview, why he didn't draw more
attention to these findings he said, "I didn't know anything about
blindness.  We were publishing information of general interest about
sexuality and this just didn't fit that mold.  Perhaps some day researchers
will help us understand why blind people have such incredible sexual
capacities and we'll be able to use that information to increase the
abilities of others.  Until then, a very few lucky men and women will
experience the phenomena of sex with a blind person."

There is a down side to this research.  When interviewed, blind people
generally expressed frustration about sexuality.  Broadly speaking, they
divided sighted people into three groups.  First is the group who simply
want to have sex with them for the thrill and experience of it.  "We feel
used," was the most common thing reported.  second, was the group who simply
couldn't see themselves with a blind husband or wife.  "They want to be with
us, but don't see us as fathers and mothers, for example,"  was often heard.

the third group were those who "get it" as one blind man put it.  "They can
see beyond blindness and except us for who we are.  Blindness just fades
into the background and becomes another characteristic."

The sad truth is that although blind people work, raise families, travel
independently and generally speaking, live normal lives, the public
perception is the opposite.  The image of the helpless beggar still lurks in
our minds.  Sighted people report that the fear of blindness overwelms their
rationality.  "I know that I shouldn't let blindness interfere with how I
think about my partner, but, I can't help it," said a young college student
engaged to a blind physicist working at NASA.  "Yes, he has money, and yes,
he's sexy, and oh, my god, can he please me, if you know what I mean.  The
hardest thing is getting over this image of him as a helpless blind man. We
sail, bike ride and horse back ride.  I can't think of anything he can't do
except drive, but, I'll admit, the image of a helpless blind man still
haunts me.  People look at him with such pity and I just want to scream,
"You don't get it you fools.""  But she admits that making the decision to
mary is difficult.

Chad, a young blind college student says he finds the whole sex thing a bit
distracting.  "Sure I can please women more than my sighted friends can, and
frankly, it's because they just don't pay attention to women and what their
bodies and hearts are saying.  Women will tell you everything you need to
know if you just listen and feel."

We give you all of this information with the caviat that perhaps only one in
six thousand people is an eligible blind man or woman, so, happy searching.

Robert Leslie Newman

Personal Website-

Adjustment To Blindness And Visual impairment

http//www.thoughtprovoker.info

NFB Writers' Division, president

http://www.nfb-writers-division.net

Chair of the NFB Communications Committee

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