[stylist] please jell me if this is a good poem

[vejas]

Eve,
I turned in my poetry project today.  (I'm in ninth grade.) Yes, 
my teacher good like x; she said that it filled all of the 
requirements.
Vejas


 ----- Original Message -----
From: Eve Sanchez <3rdeyeonly at gmail.com
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 23 Apr 2012 21:30:32 -0600
Subject: Re: [stylist] please jell me if this is a good poem

I will be honest and say that I know nothing about poetry, but 
the subject
matter here interests me.  I see this mother as a cruel woman 
that reminds
me of many past clients and parents of clients.  Her 'lecture' is 
more of a
taunting passive aggressive act than anything else.  Good luck.  
Let us know
what your teacher thinks will you? And what grade are you in? 
Just curious.
Eve

On Mon, Apr 23, 2012 at 5:16 PM, vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com> 
wrote:

 Hi,
 For school I have to write a Shakesperian sonnet.  Our teacher 
said we
 didn't have to do it in iambic pentameter, but that we had to 
have the
 rhyming in an about-about-could-could-ef-ef-**gg fashion.
 I wrote this poem and it's supposed to be about a mother lecting 
her son.
  But I think it sort of drifts.  Please tell me your opinion.

 Why didn't you do the many chores,
 That you were supposed to do last night?
 I've told you, for quite a few scores,
 That you just have to fix the light.
 Your laziness is such a curse...
 Do you realize what you could've had?

 Yes, it could have been much worse,
 If it weren't for me and your dad.
 Why, yes, you were adopted out,
 When you were just a little boy,
 But really it was, without a doubt,
 A life you would not have enjoyed.
 Just know I want the best,
 Now go to sleep and rest.
 Thanks for comments.
 Vejas

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