[stylist] November writing prompt on gratitude: poem

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Aine,

As I told Barbara, I'm not an expert in poetry when it comes to form and
structure, but I will give you my impressions, smile.

I agree with Lynda when she says this is a post-modern structure where
you focus on your thoughts in the moment. It's as if you are writing
this while actually doing things. You're striving to express a thought
or mood and not necessarily an image, yet you provide a lot of imagery
and visual stimulation in the way you craft this poem. It's also
post-modern in that you are honest, neither looking at the world through
rose-colored glasses or sinking into complete fits of despair, but you
capture a mood very well. You have a rawness showing through and I like
that. You don't feel the need to over explain or be unnecessarily
motivating. All good stuff. I find it refreshing and strong. I look
forward to reading more poems from you.

Also, you sound like a perfectionist, and from one perfectionist to
another, be proud of your accomplishments. That you made it to the
Olympics is a success all of its own. And don't fear putting your
written word out there. I know how scary this can be, and I still always
hesitate to share my work, but we can't allow fear to hold us back from
seeking new experiences. Then again, this harkens from someone who can't
send an email without editing it several times, LOL!

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter, editor, Slate & Style
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 4
Date: Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:06:32 +1300
From: Aine Kelly-Costello <ainekc at orcon.net.nz>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] November writing prompt on gratitude: poem
Message-ID: <E1TY0HK-0005Ys-ES at mx3.orcon.net.nz>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"; Format="flowed"

OK, I was debating whether to post this or not as it's sort of...  
personal, I guess, but it seems like everyone is pretty friendly 
here so I may as well give it a go.  :) It was a poem I wrote for 
my swim coach a couple weeks ago.  I'm retiring from the sport, 
after going to the Paralympics earlier this year.  Without going 
into great detail, we could say London didn't go as well as I'd 
have liked.  At least in my main event (100 back) I did come 6th, 
but not quite in a personal best time.  Anyway, it's pasted below 
and attached.

?

Look

You watched as thousands of tiny floppy forms learned
To coordinate their arms and legs and fingers and toes Endlessly, as
they earned Titles of tadpole and dolphin and shark. You encouraged
hundreds of them.

You watched as two of the sparks of life you love
Slowly surpassed the work ethic expectations of their peers
To become multiple record breakers, they learned fast
To refine their own art and teach others.
You were always there for both of them.

You watched as you were handed down
Three athletes with a "disability", and as we
Insisted on attempting to prove our aquatic agility
To anyone who might listen.
You always listened to all of us.

You watched as my hand touched the wall, the abrupt end
To the main race of my career, with me
Not wanting to settle for 6th best
And admit defeat, nor celebrate success.
You comforted me through all that fuss.

I wish you hadn't watched
As the final event I'd ever do
Left everything good for the next time that wouldn't eventuate, I felt
like I let the whole world down and somehow All you said was not to talk
about it. I couldn't grasp how anyone could say that And not be ready to
kill, so I asked and found out I'd upset you more for thinking you'd be
forever mad.  Now I know You'd forgive me even that.

You have no choice but to watch
As I read you this poem, and I realise
I've thought of 5 full stanzas, but have yet
To work out how to thank you; you're one of a few
I can never repay.  To my relief though, I did at least surmise You'd
have forgotten the debt, anyway.