[stylist] November writing prompt on gratitude: poem

Sun Nov 25 01:09:05 UTC 2012

Aine,
Good piece. I felt like I went right throu all the emotions with you.
Why was that the last race? Was it your choice or due to stipulations?
Something your might think of incorporating.
Also, what became of the other two disabled athletes? And, I like the
word choice of "eventuate".

On 11/22/12, Aine Kelly-Costello <ainekc at orcon.net.nz> wrote:
> Thanks Ashley.  Well, writing names or descriptions of the
> swimmers wouldn't really work in that context, to be honest
> (metre wise), and also, seeing as it was written for my coach, he
> knows exactly who I am talking about.  I don't really see how
> adding more about those swimmers would help, to be honest, as it
> would divert from the direction of the poem, but thanks for the
> suggestion anyway.
>
> I didn't have any particular form in mind, except for the "You
> watched" motif (or whatever you want to call it) and then varying
> that for effect.
>
>
> Aine
>
>  ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Ashley Bramlett" <bookwormahb at earthlink.net
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Thu, 22 Nov 2012 18:08:10 -0500
> Subject: Re: [stylist] November writing prompt on gratitude: poem
>
> Aine,
>
> Thanks for sharing your piece.
> I liked the image of the novice swimmers and then the emotions
> about your
> defeat and the important role your coach played.  To expand it,
> you may want
> to say who the three disabled swimmers are.
>
> Good poem.  What form is it?
> Ashley
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Aine Kelly-Costello
> Sent: Monday, November 12, 2012 3:06 PM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] November writing prompt on gratitude: poem
>
> OK, I was debating whether to post this or not as it's sort of...
> personal, I guess, but it seems like everyone is pretty friendly
> here so I may as well give it a go.  :) It was a poem I wrote for
> my swim coach a couple weeks ago.  I'm retiring from the sport,
> after going to the Paralympics earlier this year.  Without going
> into great detail, we could say London didn't go as well as I'd
> have liked.  At least in my main event (100 back) I did come 6th,
> but not quite in a personal best time.  Anyway, it's pasted below
> and attached.
>
> ?
>
> Look
>
> You watched as thousands of tiny floppy forms learned
> To coordinate their arms and legs and fingers and toes
> Endlessly, as they earned
> Titles of tadpole and dolphin and shark.
> You encouraged hundreds of them.
>
> You watched as two of the sparks of life you love
> Slowly surpassed the work ethic expectations of their peers
> To become multiple record breakers, they learned fast
> To refine their own art and teach others.
> You were always there for both of them.
>
> You watched as you were handed down
> Three athletes with a "disability", and as we
> Insisted on attempting to prove our aquatic agility
> To anyone who might listen.
> You always listened to all of us.
>
> You watched as my hand touched the wall, the abrupt end
> To the main race of my career, with me
> Not wanting to settle for 6th best
> And admit defeat, nor celebrate success.
> You comforted me through all that fuss.
>
> I wish you hadn't watched
> As the final event I'd ever do
> Left everything good for the next time that wouldn't eventuate,
> I felt like I let the whole world down and somehow
> All you said was not to talk about it.
> I couldn't grasp how anyone could say that
> And not be ready to kill, so I asked and found out
> I'd upset you more for thinking you'd be forever mad.  Now I know
> You'd forgive me even that.
>
> You have no choice but to watch
> As I read you this poem, and I realise
> I've thought of 5 full stanzas, but have yet
> To work out how to thank you; you're one of a few
> I can never repay.  To my relief though, I did at least surmise
> You'd have forgotten the debt, anyway.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Chris Kuell" <ckuell at comcast.net
> To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Tue, 6 Nov 2012 08:35:55 -0500
> Subject: [stylist] November writing prompt
>
> Hello, fellow writers.  Sorry about the delay, but we lost power
> and cable (hence no telephone) and heat during the storm, and
> didn't get it back until yesterday, seven days later.  And, just
> in the nick of time, since it's 22 degrees out right now.  We had
> some limbs and trees down, and 2 phone poles snapped in half on
> my street, but compared to many people, we got off relatively
> easy.  Which brings me to this month's writing prompt.
>
> I think an appropriate theme for this prompt is 'gratitude'.  We
> all have much to be grateful for, and I'd like you to write a
> poem, essay, memoir piece or short story with the idea of
> gratitude in mind.  Any length, any style--I urge you to be
> creative.  For instance, I might write about a town called
> Gratitude, North Dakota...
>
> This is not meant to be a race.  If the muse hits and you hammer
> out something today, that's great.  But, if you are like me, it
> may take a week or two to write something, and then another week
> to edit and revise it.  Part of the reason to do a prompt is to
> get your creative juices flowing, but also to practice your
> craft.  Post your responses by December first, although if you
> need a few extra days you won't be penalized.
>
> Finally, as people post their work, I urge everyone to read them
> and give constructive feedback.  We all want to be supportive,
> naturally, but I hope we also want to grow and improve as
> writers.  This happens in several ways, firstly by writing, but
> also by reading with a writer's mindset, always thinking--what
> works in this piece, and what doesn't? You will be amazed at how
> analyzing others writing improves your own.  But, I also caution
> you to look at the writing, and not the opinions expressed.  For
> example, if someone writes that Sarah Palin should really be
> president today, I disagree with the sentiment, but my feedback
> should only relate to the writing.  Look for pacing, point of
> view, tense shifts, run-on sentences, clunky sentences or
> phrases, and so on.  And of course, mention the things you liked
> about a piece--great imagery, solid dialogue, awesome symbolism,
> etc.
>
> Good luck, and again, it's a broad theme and there's no right or
> wrong way to approach it.  The most important thing is to write
> something.
>
> chris
>
>
>
>
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> Aine,
> Thanks for sharing your piece.  I liked how you take us from the
> image of
> people swimming to your emotions as you came in sixth and felt
> defeated.
> It showed the emotion in a short piece.  If you wanted to expand
> on it,
> I'd suggest that you tell us who the three disabled swimmers are.
> Also,
> congradulations
> on  getting into the paralympics.
>
>
> Ashley
>
>
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